The pain will pass, she tells herself, even as she gnaws on her lips to prevent a low cry. It's worse, she thinks, and Lexa's mind wanders to all the possible relievers, the medicinal remedies and the direct painkillers. The pain will pass, she says, and leaves the mocking question in her mind unanswered; but will it ever get better?
She feels movement beside her; and Clarke gets up in a flash, her breathing heavy.
Her eyes are bleary from another nightmare; and from one glance, Lexa knows she would not be able to sleep after. She lets her mind wander, wondering what it was about; living in someone else's pain helps Lexa forget hers.
Clarke stares at her, almost uncomprehending. Lexa tries to offer comfort; but the words she rasps out are too pained for that.
We'll be okay, she tells Clarke instead. Clarke lifts her head; sweat mats her brow, and her eyes are so glazed it's like she doesn't recognise her, but she presses herself into her chest. Her warmth relieves her, and it's only after she quietly exhales that she hears her speak;
We will, she says. We have each other, and though her voice is so hoarse, only so quiet, the sentiment's so much larger than just that. As long as we survive this together — as long as we can help each other — we'll be okay.
...
Luna entered the abode.
And almost immediately, everything had screeched to a stop. From what she could discern, Clarke and Lexa were sorting out some of the supplies that they had taken from their trip into Sangedakru, but had stopped once she had knocked and opened the door.
Lexa had looked up, while Clarke coughed discreetly. Luna, generally, had just felt somewhat bewildered at the attitude.
Clarke was the first to speak. ''We need to talk, Luna.''
Luna quirked an eyebrow. ''Oh? If it is about the trap, Carl Emerson, or the resources that I took, I suppose I could explain again—''
''It's not about that,'' Clarke murmured. ''We need to talk—about your stay here.''
Luna blinked, once, as she digested Clarke's words. ''I don't plan to leave,'' she finally said, ''If that was what you were thinking. Unless you were speaking of the opposite. Then—''
''Then what?'' Lexa asked, ever so softly, and Luna's eyes jolted towards her. ''What if we had spoken of the opposite? Forced your leave?'' and this, Clarke's gaze landed on Lexa's, as if pleading for her to know what she was talking about. ''Would you leave us for dead? Would you take Madi with you in your leave?''
Luna was surprised for a second before that left her features. She hadn't actually thought of how she would continue the sentence—or at least, didn't want to think of how she would've continued it, which meant that she should, by all means, thank Lexa for the intrusion. But it wasn't as if the question was a foreign one that crossed her mind—in fact, it had been one of the most frequent that had placed her mind. There were many thoughts that had swarmed through it—many visions, many situations and many endings, none which she could exactly settle herself on—but she blinked, once, and let her mind speak.
Luna looked towards them square in the eyes. ''I have no intention of leaving you hanging, so to speak. There's a reason why I have been hunting for you both. It is because I wish to.... I suppose in a way, atone.'' There was a pause, as Luna surveyed Clarke and Lexa's expressions.
There was silence until Luna spoke again.
''And here,'' Luna took the bag from her shoulder and placed it on the counter. Put it on its side, and from there rations spilt from the rucksack. ''Your rations.''
Clarke's face was inexplicable. Lexa's was unreadable. Though surprise must've once blossomed over their features, it was gone. Luna sighed. ''It's because I feel guilty of my raiding—and especially when it comes to Madi. I... I understand that she treats you like family.'' Another sigh. ''Perhaps even moreso, than she treats I.''
Lexa tilted her head in curiosity. Luna heaved a breath; looked away from the duo, her eyes focusing on the spilt rations on the counter. ''Suppose you could say that I am jealous—that statement is not entirely false—but I know I cannot pull her away from a family she loves.'' A sigh, wistful. ''I can never do enough to become her real family anymore.''
Quiet—clear, stiff, pushed through the abode like an invisible wind's whistle.
Luna's eyes turned away from the rations, to meet Clarke and Lexa. ''And if you force my leave—I had thought of this topic many times before—and there had been a myriad of answers—some which, I would admit, involved taking Madi with force.'' And a sad, wistful smile swept across Luna's features. ''But it wouldn't make her happy.''
Wouldn't. Even though Luna had tried to convince herself the opposite—tried to justify with reasons, told herself that she was Madi's blood (and blood would overrule what she thought in her heart)—but she knew, in her heart, that Madi wouldn't be happy just with her.
There was nothing. Luna shut her eyes, and cleared her throat, biting her lips. ''So, if you indeed decide that my leave would be best for her, then I cannot do anything but resign myself to it.'' And her sigh faltered, and she opened her eye. ''Then at least I know that Madi would be in good hands. Because—'' and this she swallowed, tore her eyes away, as if it was a truth she couldn't admit just yet, ''—you love her as I do.''
Clarke felt red blush her cheeks. ''Oh,'' she managed to say, while Lexa gave a slight nod; her eyes closed. Luna could barely look at them—swallowed, as if she couldn't look at their reactions; yet she did.
When Lexa's eyes opened, they were different. She took a small breath and met Luna's eyes. They were blazing with... something. Something else; like a flame you could see in a Commander's eyes. ''Welcome, Luna kom Floukru.''
Luna seemed slightly bewildered. ''What?''
''I said—'' Lexa's piercing gaze was on her, and if Luna focused enough, looked, enough, she could see some resemblance, of a past Commander blazing within, ''—welcome, to the kru.''
Luna blinked, once, until slowly, her lips quirked into a smile.
She stuck her hand towards the Commander, with a grin glimmering in her features, and without hesitance, Lexa took it. Her eyes blazed with seriousness, stoicness, and with a jolt Luna realised that in there it made up trust; burning at the base of it all, underlining her expression, but just so transient enough that it shimmered, like a mirage. Sturdy; yet, it could also be so fleeting.
It was then when her heart resolved—she wouldn't let it flee. And she certainly wouldn't let herself run; not away from Floukru, from Praimfaya, from all the problems that pained her to admit. Not like she had before.
And she would do it not only for herself, for Clarke or for Lexa; but, for Madi. She would fight for the fire to keep burning—and it is now which it begins.
And so with a rueful smile, her eyes were glimmering with solemness, sincerity, firmness, Luna said back: ''I accept.''
