... And Other Ships

TaeGi: What Are We?

They had been best friends for six years. Six years of sleepless nights waiting for Yoongi to come home from the studio. Six years of sick days sitting at home with a bowl of miso soup and a concerned Taehyung sitting next to him. Six years of boxy smiles, gummy smiles, karaoke, and unnecessary yelling. Six years of bad dreams and thunderstorms. Six years of sleeping in and making coffee. Six years of having each other's backs.

But it's been two years since they confessed to one another. Two years since Taehyung came crying to Yoongi with out of context apologies and unnecessary tears. Two years since he apologized to the older man for loving him. Two years since Yoongi laughed and kissed him, silencing his doubts and insecurities about his hyung not reciprocating his feelings. Two years since Yoongi said he loved Taehyung.

Still, they aren't official, at least to Yoongi they're not. They still sleep in their own rooms unless Taehyung had a bad dream or a thunderstorm had Yoongi crawling into the younger man's bed for comfort. They never kiss each other unless they're having a bad day and need that sweet, innocent kiss to get them through the day. And they never say they love each other, not to their faces.

And Taehyung feels like a kicked puppy.

He holds in his tears when he wakes up to see a stranger in their apartment. He presses them down when he isn't acknowledged by the older man in days. He keeps it concealed when Yoongi finds someone else to keep him occupied. He hides when he's forced to third-wheel or pick out outfits for Yoongi's dates.

Taehyung only has eyes for Yoongi. He loves everything about the older man, even his flaws, and appreciates that he puts up with all of his shit. Yoongi doesn't mind when Taehyung jumps on his back or picks him up, he doesn't mind when he finds Taehyung asleep in his bed. He doesn't mind that Taehyung talks to him through the door when he's in the bathroom. And he doesn't mind that Taehyung steals his clothes sometimes.

But Taehyung still feels like a kicked puppy and fears that Yoongi only said he loved him to shut him up. That thought alone made him lose sleep and he often cried himself to sleep. It infested his nightmares and daydreams and he knew that he honestly couldn't take it anymore. He needed to talk to Yoongi about their label or he was going to explode from all his held-in turmoil.

"Yoongi?" Taehyung poked his head into the older man's room before bed. Yoongi was only in sweatpants and a black t-shirt as he looked up at he younger man in the doorway. He noticed how those big hands shook slightly and the nervous glint in those soft brown eyes told him something was wrong and needed to be talked over. He frowned and beckoned Taehyung into his room with only the nod of his head.

When Taehyung was close, he wrapped his arms around his neck and gazed up at him with a concerned frown. "What's the matter, Tae? You're shaking," he pointed out and earned shaky hands on his waist as they started to sway slightly. "Hyung, you're what's wrong with me. You've been bothering me for two years," the younger man mumbled, those thick lips turned down in a pout and he looked more like a scolded child than a sad twenty-two year old man.

Now Yoongi was upset. He stopped swaying and stroked the back of Taehyung's head as he muttered, "I've been bothering you for two years? What am I doing to make you this upset? Taehyung?" His eyes widened as he noticed how the younger man was fighting off tears as he shook his head.

"What are we?"

And it clicked. Yoongi's hard expression turned soft as he finally understood what Taehyung meant. He thought for a minute. He told Taehyung he loved him, but there he was going out with all those people, not showing the younger man any affection unless they were scared. In all honesty, Yoongi wanted to love Taehyung as they watched television. He wanted to fall asleep against Taehyung's chest while he waited for his coffee to brew in the mornings. He wanted to kiss and hug the younger man whenever he felt like it and also receive the same from him.

He wanted all this and more and he totally could have gotten it if he just asked Taehyung to be his boyfriend two years ago when he confessed. But all he got was an upset best friend and many one-night regrets that made him feel like shit until the next one.

Taehyung's hands shook even more the longer it took Yoongi to answer and hope started to drain from his eyes. Just as he was about to give up and leave, Yoongi said, "Well, what would you like to be?" The younger man sighed and pulled Yoongi closer. "I want to be yours, hyung. I want you to be mine. I want to love you openly and with everything I have. But you don't feel the same."

It hurt to hear how defeated and pained he had made this beautiful man. He shook his head and continued to stare into those sad brown eyes. "Taehyung, I do feel the same! I told you I loved you, didn't I?" Yoongi replied, but he noticed how Taehyung's gaze turned cold as he shoved the older.

"Then why did you sleep with all those people!? Why didn't you want to be with me!? Why, hyung!?" he yelled and Yoongi glared right back.

"BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID I WOULDN'T BE ENOUGH FOR YOU!"

Silence filled the room as Taehyung stared in shock at the older man, who was glaring at him and breathing heavily. He couldn't believe what he had heard, not one bit. Yoongi straightened up and stepped close to Taehyung again, eyes soft and sincere. "I'm always at the studio or working on something music-related and I never have time for you. I slept with all those people just to let some sexual tension go and I knew that if I used you like that, I would only hurt you and I can't do that to you, Taehyung. I just can't."

They went back to their previous position as tears rolled down Taehyung's cheeks in a silent stream. "I love you, Yoongi-hyung. Please..." he whispered and Yoongi shut him up with a kiss. "I love you too, Tae. And it would be an honor if you were my boyfriend," he said after the kiss.

And Taehyung had never felt so happy in his life.