... And Other Ships

TaeKook: Come Back

dedicated to my internet bae, taeissleepy . I love you! Btw, this is the only TaeKook I will ever write so fuck the rest of you (please don't hate me I'm sorry ilaysm)

I stare up at the night sky as I sit on the roof of the beach house I made my permanent home about two years ago. It's a cute little thing; yellow on the outside and a light peach inside, all hardwood floors. I love it because it's mine, but I hate it at the same time because it was meant for multiple people, not one.

The stars twinkle high in the purple-blue-black sky; the entire cosmos opened up for me to admire from planet Earth. It looks like someone spilled multiple paint cans across the dark canvas that is the sky; the beautiful colors swirling and mixing together and dotted with the small jewels that are the stars. It's absolutely breathtaking and I find myself smiling as I stare.

As I sit there under this natural masterpiece, I start to think, which leads to remembering. And what I remember is too much to bear on my guilty conscience.

Four years ago, I did something so awful to such a sweet boy that I know he still hates me for to this day. I know he will never forgive me for my major sin against him. How could I hurt an innocent seventeen year old like that? How could I, at first, feel no remorse for such a sin against him? Why was I so abusive back then?

Worse of all, I still loved that boy with all my heart. But knowing him, he probably moved on and got himself a boyfriend who knows how to treat him right, how he deserves to be treated. I know I don't deserve him. We grew up together; I've known him since I was five and he was two. We knew each other inside and out and were never separated from each other. He took care of my bullies when I was made fun of for my strangeness, and I took care of him like a good big brother would a sibling. We were best friends and eventually lovers.

And I am the reason he can't trust anyone anymore.

But that's why I moved to Busan after we broke up. I moved out of Seoul and got help at a treatment center; for my own good and his, as well. He would be much safer and happier where I wasn't and I truly needed help. When I got sober, I bought this beach house and got a job at the aquarium nearby. I've successfully bettered myself and I plan to keep it this way.

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The weather today is nice, so I'm out on the beach soaking up the Busan sun. I let the waves roll over my body as I lay in the surf with a dopey smile on my face, until I hear the sound of a gasp a few feet away. I look towards the sound and my heart stops for a second as I stare at the man in front of me.

Light-brown hair, skin kissed by the Busan sun, big brown eyes wide as they were when I first met him. I stand up and keep my distance as I gaze at him in shock. Never in a million years did I think I was going to see Jeon Jungkook again, but here he is; staring back at me with an expression I couldn't read.

"T-Taehyung?" he stutters; his voice was deeper, manlier. He looks like a man now. "You've grown so well, Jungkook," I reply with a half-smile. He blushes and looks down and I notice the tears threatening to fall from those beautiful eyes. All the guilt I carry with me feels so much heavier now. "Thank y-you. You look... So g-good," he replies after a while and I nod a little. "Thanks. I, um... I got help and I've been sober for almost four years," I reply and Jungkook sniffles a little.

Jungkook isn't one to cry; when he cried, there was something very wrong. So I'm taken aback when he lifts those teary eyes to me again. "You got... h-help?" he asks and his voice cracks a little at the last word. I nod and offer him a genuine smile; one I know he can never think is a lie. "Don't cry, Kook. Please don't cry," I whisper and he wipes his tears. "I'm sorry, I... It just makes me so happy that you're okay." He lets out a light chuckle and I giggle along with him.

An awkward silence falls between us and I take the time to really look him over. He looks like a man; tall and muscular and beautiful. And he still has that adorable bunny smile that made me fall in love with him and I feel that same rush I used to feel when I look at him. "Jungkook, would you... You don't have to, but would you like to come over? Just to catch up?" I find myself asking and he thinks for a second, then nods gently. "Sure, hyung. I'd like that very much."

We sit in silence on the balcony, looking out on the beach as the sun starts to set. It's high tide and the water goes almost to the stairs, crashing on the sand and allowing the wind to carry the sounds to us. We hear nothing and see everything, and I see only Jungkook. He doesn't have his gages anymore; instead he has three piercings in a row. They're all silver hoops and they fit him more than the gages ever did.

"So, how have you been?" I start the conversation, unable to take the awkward silence. Jungkook tilts his head a little as he thinks, then looks down to the bottle of water in his hands. "I've been good. I moved back here about a year after... Yeah. I have a job at the gym in the city as a personal trainer. I have a small apartment, too. It's nothing fancy, but... I like it. How about you?" he replies and looks to me.

I sigh and look out to the ocean, watching as the kite surfers take the high winds and tide to their advantage. "I'm sober now. I haven't touched anything since... But I'm lonely. My home is too big for just me," I admit and I see Jungkook's frown in the corner of my eye. "It's good you're sober. You should go back out there again, find someone to keep you company," he suggests, nudging my shoulder with his.

My head hangs between my shoulders as I close my eyes. "Believe me, Kook. I've tried so hard, but I just can't. Every time I see someone I could possibly get to know, I remember what I did and I just can't..." Everything is too much. I know I don't deserve to cry, but I just can't help myself and I think Jungkook understands that.

He doesn't say anything; he just rubs my back in slow circles and looks out at the ocean as I let my guilt show after all these years. "Hyung, you beat yourself up over this still?" he asks after I calm down a little, and I face him with a frown. "How can I not? You could have died, Jungkook!" I cry out and realization seems to hit him like a truck. His expression goes from shocked to soft and he runs a hand though his hair.

"Kim Taehyung..." he whispers and I shake my head. "I still love you and it's all my fault you left. But if you stayed... I'm glad you left and became the beautiful man you are now, Jungkook. I can never express how sorry I am and I know you will never come back to me, but... I still fucking love you and I can't ever stop."

Tears run down Jungkook's cheeks as he searches for my eyes, hands reaching out blindly for mine. He finds them and laces our fingers together, then steps forward and rests our foreheads together and I instinctively close my eyes. I feel like it's the first time I told him I loved him and the nostalgia almost chokes me.

Then, soft lips are on mine. It's only for a moment, but that moment lasts forever and not long enough all at once. The kiss reminds me of when I first kissed him; we had our foreheads rested together, fingers intertwined and eyes closed. The only difference was that he started the kiss instead of me this time.

"Hyung, maybe I'm insane or sick or whatever, but I still love you. You weren't all bad, you know. You just became lost and messed up and disoriented and caused bad things to happen. But you had no control over yourself when it happened, and... I forgave you almost three years ago. We had been friends since we were little, Taehyung. Do you think I could forget all of that?

"Of course I couldn't. I couldn't forget our sleepovers, school days, play dates... I couldn't forget that. When you started following the wrong people, that was when I lost you. But I stayed and fell in love with you - not for who you became, but for who you used to be. I would pray for him to come back to me. And finally, he did come back. It took a while, but he came back."

Jungkook wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me again, and I can't contain the sob at his words. He pulls back just enough to look at my face, and his bunny smile is there. My baby bunny was still there. "Don't cry," he mumbles and wipes my eyes with one hand.

"Can-can we...start over? From the beginning?" I ask sheepishly after a minute of gazing into those big brown eyes. Jungkook nods gently and rests his palm on my cheek. "We can start over." His eyes crinkle in the corners and his nose scrunches up as his smile widens.

My baby came back.