... And Other Ships

MinJoon: Misconception

There was something about Kim Namjoon that gave me the urge to hold onto him in some way. He was bigger than me, but not by as much as people would like to believe; I only went up to his chin. But he was much bulkier than me, which played a part of my attraction to him. Sure, I could confidently say that Namjoon was sexy, but I didn't hold that type of attraction towards him -- or anyone, for that matter. 

Namjoon was more than his looks. Everyone praised him for being so smart, which he was, but no one ever commented on how absolutely goofy he was. He liked the simple things in life and often called me just to tell me about something random he saw that day, or he would text me a picture of it. He wasn't the best at cooking, but he was pretty decent; kitchen rules were something he should probably write down. He enjoyed bike rides, plants, museums, and spending time with those he loved. 

And he was just so thoughtful. Each answer to a question was obviously thought out; sometimes, Namjoon would have to think on his amswer for a few days before he answered the question. He continuously asked for others' perspectives on topics and listened carefully to their reasonings. He was also thoughtful in the sense that if he saw something a friend would like, he would buy it for them and gift it to them "just because." Namjoon was actually the only reason I had a small plushie/figurine collection going. 

Everything about Namjoon was perfect in my eyes. The man was perfectly imperfect, and all I wanted to do was hold onto him and never let him go. 

-------

"Jiminie, what are you doing?" 

I shrugged and turned my attention to the movie Namjoon had been watching before I plopped myself down on the couch and cuddled up to him. I held onto his bicep and rested my head on his shoulder. I could feel his breathing disturbing my hair, so I knew he was still looking down at me with that confused pout on his face, but I didn't care too much. His eyes on me never made me feel nervous. 

A sigh left him, then his hand rested on my thigh. Namjoon was rather awkward when it came to showing physical affection unless it was Seokjin, but he knew I was perfectly fine with any skinship he would give me. He knew I'd be perfectly happy holding his bicep without him giving me any acknowledgement in return. 

This was our friendship and we were perfectly comfortable this way. 

-------

Maybe I'd been lying to myself for way too long. 

I wasn't really okay with our frienship the way it was. I hadn't been okay with it for a few months, not really. 

I couldn't pinpoint the when my feelings for Namjoon developed, but I knew that I had pushed them down for so long that they were becoming unbearable. I really liked him and wanted to date him, but I could definitely tell it was a one-sided love, so I convinced myself that it was simply puppy love and that they would eventually fade away. 

All because Namjoon liked girls. 

We can't choose who we love, we really can't. I knew this, so I was never upset whenever Namjoon would talk about someone he found pretty or had a lovely conversation with. 

But that didn't stop me from beating myself up over it. 

I was never ashamed of liking boys, but I did wonder why I had to fall for this particular boy. It hurt to sit there and listen to Namjoon fawn over women, but there was nothing I could do. He definitely had no problem with anyone being gay, but I didn't want to find out what he would think about his friend who had fallen for him and his charms. 

So I got my cuddles in and kept my mouth shut. 

-------

Namjoon and I had gone out for coffee one day.