Wake Up, You're Different

Chapter 15

We went upstairs and I pulled her on the bed. She's never been like this before. I held her and stroked her hair. She looked so helpless.
"Syd?"
"Yes"
"What's wrong?"
"You could have gotten this help before. For all I know you could have been better by now. I held you back. I don't want to do that anymore."
"You aren't holding me back. Yeah I'm not better. I won't be for a while but it's okay. But you know I can't control how I feel. Sometimes I get really depressed and I don't know why, that's how it works. Just don't get mad when I'm upset. I hate when you yell at me for something I can't control."
My voice was still sweet but I was telling the truth. It hurts when she gets mad. She knows I can't control this. Sometimes she doesn't understand what I'm going through, but sometimes she tries.
"I know you can't control it P. It's okay. You're my everything."
I could tell she felt a little better. I still had my arms around her and she started squirming.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing I'm trying to get comfortable."
I laughed at her and pressed my forehead against hers. She smiled. I whipped her around so I was on top of her.
"I like this Paisley."
"Shhh no talking."
I leaned in to kiss her and when I was inches away from her lips I moved and kissed her neck then moved to her collar bones. I grabbed the hem of her shirt, she lifted her arms and I slid it up slowly letting my hands drag along her body. I wrapped my arms around her back and unclasped her bra. I threw it across the room. I started kissing her breast and I could feel her tense up. I kissed down her stomach and unzipped her jeans. Once they were off I kissed the inside of thighs and the top of her panties.
"Paisley just do it."
She was moaning very loudly at this point. I took off her panties and before we could go any further the doorbell rung.
"Paisley don't stop"
"Syd I gotta see who it is."
"Nooooo I'm almost there."
"Give me a minute."
I made sure I didn't look like I was having the greatest sex of my life and I went downstairs. I opened the door and was shocked at who I saw.

"Paisley?"
"Lily? What are doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
"You showed up at MY HOUSE. You can't ask me that."
Upstairs, Syd sensed something wasn't right. She threw her clothes on and threw her hair up.
"Hey baby. Who's this?"
Syd slid her hands around my neck and kissed my neck.
"This is Lily. She's.... umm."
"The reason she's bi."
"Really? Lily, you slept over one night and asked if I wanted to have sex with you. I said no and you wouldn't take that for an answer. You RAPED me. I should have taken you to court. Anyway how did you find out where I lived?"
"I have friends."
"Please no you don't."
"Does the name Kyle sound familiar?"
Of course. It's always him. He got out of the car and came to her side.
"Hello lesbians."
I just couldn't do it. I slammed the door and locked it. Shit. Syd didn't know about that.
"Paisley.... you wanna talk about this?"
"Not right now. Tonight maybe."
"Okay."
I looked at the time. It was actually pretty late already.
"Fine let's talk about it now."
"No I don't want to force it out of you."
"Let's get ready for bed then I'll open up."
We went upstairs and I got into the shower. I let the water run down face. She knows now. I didn't want to tell her. She'll be too delicate with me and I don't want that. I need to talk to her about it. I finished me shower and got my pajamas on. She was already in bed playing in her phone. As soon as I walked into the room she put her phone down. I sat down on the bed and looked at her.
"You ready?"
"No. But you probably want to know."
"I do but I'd rather let you tell me on your own time then force it out of you."
"I'll tell you. She used to be my friend. You never met her because she went to another school. She'd been out for about a year at the time. She decided that it would be a good idea to ask me to have sex with her. I said no because I liked you. Then she got on top of me and you know how that goes....I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. Come here."
She wrapped me in I tight hug and kissed my cheek.
"It's okay Syd, I'm over it."
"She took something away from you. It's not okay. Take her to court."
"I can't. I can't relive it."
"I'll do it with you."
"You don't get it do you? I DONT WANT TO DO IT."
I ran to my usual spot, the bathroom and cried. I grabbed the razor. No, I can't. But I did it anyway. I knew she would be mad but I didn't care. I watched the blood fall from my wrists. I pulled my sleeve up farther and saw about 50 scars up my arm. Some were fresh and some were old. I had just cleaned up the blood when I heard a knock on the door.
"Hey babe come out. I understand now and I don't want you to be alone right now. I don't like this please come out."
I went to open the door but I couldn't do it. I knew she would be mad when she saw my wrists but I wanted her comfort. But she's trying to force me into doing things I don't want to do. I didn't know what to do.
"No Syd."
"Paisley please."
"Syd."
"Babe please."
"No."
"Paisley this isn't funny. I love you please come out."
"Sydney I'm fine."
"I don't think you are."
"IM OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE."
I heard the front door slam a few minutes later.
"Fuck."
I came out of the bathroom about an hour later. My wrists were still bloody, when she left I couldn't take it. I went downstairs and there was a note. And I noticed something else. A ring.
"FUCK."
The note read:
Paisley. I love you so much but you need to stop hiding your feelings and tell me what's going on I want to help you. Tell me when you want me back and I'll come back. Right now figure out what you want and how you are feeling. I love you.
I tried calling her...straight to voicemail. I called her and left a million voicemails saying I want her back and I'm ready to talk. No response. I didn't sleep last night. At 2 am, I decided that I needed air. I put my jacket on and went outside. I realized something was off. I saw a car a few houses down...Syd's car. I ran to it and saw something I didn't want to see.

"SYD WHAT THE HELL"
Lily was sitting in the car with her.
"Paisley this isn't what it looks like I swear. I was trying to get the truth out of her. I swear."
"Sydney."
"It's true."
Lily finally spoke.
"And this girl really loves you. For the first 30 minutes she was telling me how cute and perfect you are. I couldn't take it so I told her the truth."
"Really Syd?"
"Yes."
She got out of the car and put her arms around my waist.
"Babe I don't want to lose you."
"You won't. And you were the one that left me."
"I didn't mean to. I was just so upset."
She saw my wrist and pulled me even closer to her.
"I love you P."
"I know you do."

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A/N: Okay this was...interesting to write. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and tell me any thing you want to see happen. NO KILLING ANYONE OFF...maybe the boys ;) Until next time....