HEDONISTIC

41. Frankie

Frankie was 16 the last time she heard his voice. She had frizzy blonde boxed dyed hair and running mascara all over her face. That night she was wearing cheetah print panties and a oversized shirt that now was on the corner of her closet next to other things she had left behind.

Frankie was 16 the first time she fell in love and about a month after her heart was broken by the same boy. She cried herself to sleep many times and induced sleep to avoid anything at all. She was broken. She never really picked the pieces if you asked me.

Frankie was 18 when she saw him again. Francis Howard was wearing baby blue shorts and a Travis Scott t-shirt with doc martens, when Frankie saw him again she was next to her friends and her heart skipped a beat but it was different now. She was different now both physically and mentally. For instance she had lost a few pounds of baby fat and didn't used that much eyeliner. Her hair was now brown and healthy just like everything else in her life.

She was okay, not great but okay enough to exist without questioning everything and doing cocaine on the weekend.

The last time she saw him was at a festival of all places but it was all good because he didn't even glanced at her direction in the crowd; everything was pink and fluorescent with pop tracks and guitar riffs. Frankie Howard was with Gerard, Amber and a couple of new friends she had made in the last year.

Gerard and Amber somehow had become an item and even tho Gerard was 100% gay he said he was straight for Amber. He still cried at night because of Frank - the boy that he once loved- Frankie had heard him once, Amber had too but she still loved him even if he was broken. They just had an easy going relationship and didn't care much about labels. Frankie didn't asked much about it either.

There was Sarah and Rebeca who were also a couple. Sarah had lots of tiny tattoos, fluffy short brown hair and gold rimmed yellow glasses. Frankie always joked around saying she looked like a gay Harry Potter without the scar. Rebeca on the other hand was totally different with sundresses, wavy blond hair and hand sanitizer. She only liked white wine and rom cons.

Then of course was Alex and Todd.

Alex was a self aware SoundCloud rapper (which meant that he wasn't that much of a dick) he still had face tattoos and drowsy eyes but he was a good kid, then Todd who was just kind of lost in the most bizarre way possible.

Frankie had somehow found a cool group of friends that she loved. She had turned into a complete different person with a skincare routine, she stayed hydrated and only did drugs every couple weeks.

There was something about seeing him tho. Matty Healy was still mesmerizing and beautiful, so so beautiful.

He still played that song about her, the one without lyrics. It was called Please be Naked and it was the perfect title. The album had placed number 1 the minute it dropped and even though Frankie told Amber and Gerard that she didn't care. She actually did. Of course she did.

The minute he left she thought about sleeping with his brother to spite him but even she wasn't that much of a slut so she changed her ways became more open found amazing caring friends that loved her and didn't think of her as a token.

She didn't liked to admit it but she had grown up. She was 18. She was still a kid that didn't know how to cook or how to do laundry without her clothes turning pink but she had experienced love and she finally understood that it was never black and white it was always gray.

"FUCK FRANKIE, I CANT BELIVE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKED HIM" Sarah said with a drunken smile on her face, they were close to the stage but not close enough for Frankie to be scared that he may see her in the crowd. Matty had a rose in hand and was swaying to a ballad that Frankie didn't knew the lyrics of.

"YEAH I DID!" Frankie laughed. She felt a slight sting in her heart but still smiled through the pain. She didn't want to be there.

They stayed through the set and when it was over Frankie felt empty, she almost hoped that he would look at her through the crowd and everything would be ok just as it was when they were at the park or at his house before everything went to shit. That didn't happen.

Frankie still lived with her mom but she was thinking of moving out soon. Somehow Susan had stayed with Harry and not only that. She had married him. They had a child. Frankie's stepbrother. His name was Wyatt. He was beautiful with piercing green eyes and a head of curls.

Frankie's still didn't know if she should call Harry stepdad, daddy or my mom's sugar baby. He didn't do much, he just stayed around the house and played at clubs with his guitar. Susan was happy. Frankie was too, that was what mattered.

School was about to finish.

Frankie was sitting with Gerard at English class, Mr. Brown was still her teacher and Frankie couldn't get past her old ways so sometimes she bit her pencil and pulled up her skirt when she knew she didn't do that great at the exam. She got a A- in that class.

Mr. Brown was yapping about English Literature from the 1800's, he was talking about the romantic period and stupid books by Emily Brontë and Jane Austen.

She didn't pay much attention she was too busy looking at the dragon that Gerard was painting on the desk. Louis Healy was still at her class but he didn't bother her much as before. He finally understood that she wasn't going to get his pee pee wet; she felt bad for him, sometimes when he thought she wasn't looking he would watched her and Frankie would always know, she understood that feeling of longing.

The class was over just like it started and it was lunch. She walked through the corridors with Gerald walking to their table that was in the middle of the cafeteria.

Sara and Rebecca were already there with Todd, Alex was no were to be found and Amber had called in sick today. Frankie smiled as she sat down, she remember how at first it was weird for her to be surrounded by people- friends, they were like her family.

"So I was thinking we should go to my parents cabin this weekend" Todd said. He had tons of money and cute dimples Frankie sometimes liked to hope that one day she would be deserving of a guy like Todd. "What do you guys think?"

"As long as there is enough alcohol I'm in" Sarah said fixing her rimmed glasses. "Yeah me too, there is a lake close to the cabin right?" Rebecca asked as she was doing a braid. "Yeah it's pretty close. What about you guys?"

"You know I'm up for anything" Frankie said mysterious smile and everything. "Then is done, sounds great guys. Fuck high school is almost over man" Gerard said running his hands through his freshly dyed lilac hair.

" Don't even think about it, I don't think I can get my way through university with my charm. I'm probably going to end up flopping." Frankie sigh.

"By charm do you mean biting your pencil suggestively and pulling your skirt? By charm do you mean shagging your teachers and everything that has legs?" Sarah said.

" Basically" Frankie responded taking a fry from Todd's plates. Everyone erupted in laughter.

Frankie was content with life.

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