HEDONISTIC

26. The rain and stupid confessions that do nobody good

EDITED

"I-I i think I love you, well maybe not but there- there is just something about you that makes me feel something and I fucking hate it"

Rain started falling in crazy chaotic drops like it was a fucking Nicolas Sparks movie, the gusting wind was carrying the rain in wild vortices one moment and in diagonal sheets the next.

It was running down Frankie's face as a thin layer, not as cold as it will be when November comes, but without the warmth of summer showers.

In the rain Matty's hair became one with his face, wetly draped over the bone structure that drove Frankie and many other teen girls crazy. His expression was serious and Frankie wondered if he knew how truly crazy she was for him.

At this moment, as they were both sat there at the park Matty tried to stand up and pulled away confused by the sudden confession and overwhelmed by the downpour on his face.

Frankie pulled his hand to stop him and moved in front, toe to toe. He rolled his eyes in that way that Frankie had come to realize he does when he's really happy but feeling too macho to show it and they just kissed- the moment was theirs.

For as they kissed it was as if they've been transported to somewhere heavenly and perhaps if it weren't for the cold London rain Francis might believe they in fact did.

Matty kissed the droplets from her lips, and she felt as they smiled against hers. He swept her blonde hair aside and kissed Frankie just over the collarbone. Matthew nibbled her ear and she felt herself sinking into his arms losing every bit of self-respect that she had, hanging her fingers on his waistband, dragging him closer (if that was even posible).

Matty buried his face on her shoulder curve, his hands flexing around her back giving  a reduced groan. "Fuck," into her hair. "Why do you have to say things like that? We were having a great time F." Just then as she heard those words she felt as she had heard a horn and found herself standing on the middle of a busy road cars passing by. It was the same feeling.

She just wanted to get crushed because Frankie knew this was going to happen and she was stupid and naive enough to think it would end differently as cool drizzling rain was falling on her  face.

The insane rain had the most lovable gesture embracing her in the chilled gust of wind reminding her of him, because fuck that was a cold thing to say and also a dick move even for his cocaine filled ass.

Matty spoke with his head held high "One day you'll hate me." Francis stopped like she'd taken a bullet to the guts.

"Why would you say such a thing? " she whispered. Matty raised his eyes to meet hers, so she would know he wasn't messing around.

"It's what happens to anything when the expectations are too high. We'll be fine for a while, then the monotony of everything will set in. Me going on tour, having a girlfriend and you being at school, seen my brother, going to fancy posh parties with your fuck buddy. I won't bring you flowers anymore."

"You never have" she whispered in confusion.

"Look I can't give you anything, I have nothing to offer you. I know you're 16 and you're sentient or other, whatever. The point here is that after a while sneaking around won't be as exciting and thrilling anymore. Babe, I won't be exciting: I'll be boring. Boring because you'll be so damn tired." Francis'  face had lost what little colour it had had.

"Damn you, Matty. That's nothing more than a lousy excuse. I don't care about your girlfriend. Fuck her. Fuck Louis. Fuck James. Look I think that you haven't understand this: I don't care who you're fuck or where in the globe you are. I l-like your company. I like kissing you and being with you. Fuck, fuck me if you most or don't even touch me at all if that's what you want. Do whatever the fuck you want. Just do not deprive me of your company"

Her eyes washed with the kind of tears that only come when people break in ways not easily repaired but when she met his gaze his were just the same as hers confusing Frankie even more.

He stayed quiet of a while- both of them for what felt like an eternity. Matty didn't know what to say and Frankie was wanting for a response, for a reaction, for anything. As time pass and nothing came out of Matty's lips she felt her anger rising up even more.

"How can you be so cold?" Frankie said. Keeping her eyes steady, resting on his face like they were home, but just briefly, the sorrow already building.

Matthew Timothy Healy  stayed rooted to the spot, the breeze moving his hair softly away from the cheekbones that had become so much more prominent over the previous weeks. His features buckled just slightly before he spoke. "You say that like it means anything. What does this even mean? Frankie you act like you have everything figured out but you don't ok? You don't. You are just a teen- you're just a girl nothing else nothing more. Look I have everything I ever wanted: I make money from what I love doing, I have a beautiful girlfriend, a dog, my brother and you. Fuck Frankie, I have you too and I like spending time with you but you can't just come here and say shit like that to me- say that you love me. You can't just come here acting like we could play house! You know we can we would never work. Ever. This is all there ever is going to be. I don't wanna break your heart and I'm warning you Frankie don't fall. Please don't. Cause I won't catch you." Frankie's  face was paler than Matty ever recalled it being, as if her very blood was shrinking away from his presence, her lips almost ghostly.

Frankie broke her gaze, preferring instead to rest her eyes on the street ahead, on any passing car. Then she spoke with the same voice she reserved for her mom and Amber " I'm not stupid Matty. Do you think that I like feeling like this for you? You are an asshole and a should hate you and to certain degree I do so don't flatter yourself you bigot" Then she continue watching him eyes cold, muscles tense.

Matty broke a little more inside - the pieces becoming shards. For in that moment he's seen his inner monster lock onto her, and she knew he had fuck her over and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

xxx

I'm an asshole I know I am butttt I still hope you like the story and vote and do all that fun stuff also what the fuck is happening I'm so hyped for mfc like I just want them to drop the album so fucking bad also I have a confession to make I'm digging Matty's look with the whole chopped her and lucky charms milk color. Anyway bye lots of love, Abbie.