HEDONISTIC

42. Matty

Matty was used to waking up craving something every time but he had gotten better; he had to. He was a junkie. That was for sure.

He knew there was going to be a moment were he would change that but honestly he didn't feel like it, he had Gabby and his friends and his mom and Louis.

Truth be told he didn't remember the last time he saw Frankie but he still thought of her even if everything had changed and things weren't the same because in his mind she was still Frankie with soft curls and puffy cheeks with running mascara and a witty mouth.

Frankie was like this sexual fantasy, she was his own personal Lolita and he knew it was fucked up cause he wasn't Humbert but he did feel like a creep sometimes. During shows there would be a frizzy blonde hair 16 year old jumping around with a choker and mom jeans and his heart would melt.

Two years had gone by so quickly.

Right now Matty was in a hotel room bathroom. He wanted to sleep but the transition between screaming fans and silent rooms had always messed him up. So now here he was doing it so that he could finally go to bed.

He sigh.

He was tired- fucking tired of being a liar, of cheating, of being an obnoxious pretentious asshole that didn't know how to grow up.

That night he slept soundly for four hours only to be abruptly woken up by his ringtone. He tried to adjust his eyes to the brightness and figure out why Louis was calling him.

"Hey bro" Louis said once the older guy had answered.

"Hi" Matty said lightly still trying to understand his surroundings, he was still a bit high so he felt quite funny.

"What's up" Louis said almost innocently.  Matty rolled his eyes.

"What's up? Well nothing much. You do realize that I'm in the other part of the globe? Is fucking dark out." He sigh already tired of his brothers antics.

"Hey don't get your panties in a twist!"

"Louis?"

"Yeah"

"Why the fuck did you call?"

"Mom wants to know when you're coming back"

"Not now, not ever. Tell her to mind her own business"

"She's just worried about you"

"Tell her not to be"

"Still.. she senses things, she says is mother instinct... she's just worried about you, we all are" Louis muttered the last part.

"You do  know I'm 29 right? I'm about to be fucking 30 I'm ok, there's nothing to worry about. Sure I'm tired because of touring but that's nothing new"

Louis sigh.

"You know I may be fucking stupid and young and naive but I'm still your brother and I know that there's something up"

"Fuck off Louis" Matty said hanging the phone. He was tired, so fucking tired.

The tour was about to be over and truth be told all he wanted to do was go back to the dreamless sleep that the drugs provided. It was 2017 and he had fucking won a Brit and that couldn't look better on paper: Perfect girlfriend, sick album, sold out shows and everything.

He knew that there was something missing and truth be told everything was fucked. He sat on the hotel bed adjusting his eyes to the dim sunlight spilling through the curtains. He had a flight at 8:00. He should get ready and go grab breakfast but he stayed there looking at the carpet in the foreign room in that strange country. For the plane ride he took a Xanax and tried to close his eyes listening to Mariah's sweet voice but Ross was next to him playing fucking fortnite of all things.

George was playing around his laptop making a tune, he was yapping about R&B and fucking soul singers to Adam who was next to him but wasn't paying much attention.

He had fought with Gabby hours before, he was fucking a British model for a while now and Gabby found out. How annoying. He loved Gabriella- Matty truly did but there was something about secrets. He loved to flirt with the idea of being unfaithful and after all he was just a human with weaknesses ("weakness" in this context being a synonym of nice long legs and pretty eyes).

He closed his eyes his back hurt from sitting on that fucking long plane ride. At least the plane provided WiFi so he opened Instagram and scrolled through beautiful girls and obscure art pieces. He noticed Louis last picture on his Ig. It was a polaroid of his class with the simple caption "class 2017". He hadn't realize how close Louis was to graduating. Truth be told he didn't know much about the kid.

He scanned the photo curiously only to noticed a faced that he had pushed in the back of his mind. There she was all smiles and brown eyes, Matty couldn't lie to himself she looked fucking hotter. He felt a knot in his stomach that he couldn't decipher whether it was arousal or guilt. Frankie. She looked healthy with long soft brown curls and that fucking skirt that he remembered so much. She was taller and skinnier with fuller lips and what looked like a tattoo on her arm. Frankie fuck.

After two years nothing much had changed, he was just skinnier, had a heroin addiction (that he would never own up to) and longer hair but there feelings that he had for the younger girl were still the same.

Matty wasn't really content with life.