Sexual Insanity

Entry Five: Walking the Married Man's Trail

Just a small idea floating around in my head - nothing special.

This idea stems from my own experiences in Alaska - I lived there for over a year.  It was one of the most education yet one of the loneliest periods of my life.  Little did I know that an even lonelier period was just around the corner.

Creek Street - the married man's trail.

The place where the loggers and the fisherman use to go to get a little comfort, to enjoy the company of a beautiful woman who would keep them warm while their wives afar lie alone in their cold beds.  Dolly's House, the resident of the most infamous madame on Creek Street, is a popular tourist attraction during the summer.  While the boarding housing have been replace with souvenir shops, art galleries, and bookstores, the memories of illegal booze and illicit sex still remain.

I met him there at my worst.  Lonely, yearning, near the edge of disaster.  He left me all alone here, to fend for myself.  I love him with all my heart, and yet he could careless of whether I lived or died.  I should have left him long ago - but he'd probably go hunting for me.  A man of such dark selfish and insecurity can't bear to give up a woman as gullible as I am.  Who else will take care of them while they live such a decadent lifestyle?

He came to me like the dream, in the midst of a torrid downpour.  We took shelter by the monorail, hoping that the rains ease up, and we could trot off to our separate destinations.  We made small talk, biding our time, and before we knew it, the rains had ceased.  We both said goodbye, and we expected that we'd never see each other again.

I should have know I'd end up in his bed.

I knew it was wrong - infidelity is never right, no matter the suffering one suffers or the reasons one uses as justification.  But I couldn't...I just couldn't help myself.  He made it so easy.  Well, not that kind of easy.  It wasn't as though he asked, "do you want to sleep with me".  No, it was his very presence that made it easy.  He cared enough to become a friend of mine.  He cared enough to realize that whenever we'd interact, that a conversation should go both ways rather than one person dominating the other.  He showed caring and kindess to me, and that touched my heart deeply.  It made it easy to reveal my sorrows to him.  It made it easy to allow myself to get close to him, despite my bond to another man.

I tried to my hardest to resist him.  I even tried to run away to the one who hurt me so badly, to honor my commitment and to ignore my growing passions.  But it was not to be...fate had other things in store for me.

I cannot go on this way. 

I feel nothing but love from the one who adores me...but the one who hurt me terribly won't easily go away, and my heart doesn't seem to be strong enough to give the final blow.

What will I do...walking the married man's trail...