Too Innocent ~ Jeongchan

chpt. 6

           ⚠️SUICIDE WARNING⚠️

   Chan's school day was boring to say the least. Lunch was just him being scolded for not telling his friends about his panic attack and then hitting Jeongin. He just took the scolding; he deserved it since he harmed Earth's most precious fluff ball.

   Class was normal, get stared at, hear whispers, see pointing. Ever since his...incident last year, people just gossiped about him thinking he couldnt hear or see the things they said or did. Chan just shook it off and listened to Is It True by Target. Hearing the soothing voices of the boys calmed him, but also made him sad. He let the lyrics of the song wash over him.

   "The sun rises and the moon falls
But the only thing that is allowed for me is darkness
I need to sleep on my tears
There’s no meaning now, in tomorrow and the day after that
Don’t think I’ll want to open my eyes
Will I be able to live without you?"

                       Flashback

   It was May 26th, 2016. Chan had just confessed to his crush, Johnny. He looked at the ground with tears in his eyes, waiting for the taller, older boy to speak, to say anything at all. Just as he was about to leave, he heard a chuckle. Confused, he looked up to see Johnny's award winning smile.

   "I like you too, Chan. I have for a while."

   "R-really?"

    "Yes, really now gimme a kiss," Johnny said, his smile never faltering. Chan leaned in and pressed their lips together in a sweet kiss.

   They soon broke apart, both loving the innocent kiss, for now.

   October 3rd, 2016. It was Chan's birthday, and he walked into his house, with sad eyes. His boyfriend barely spoke to him at all, on his birthday. Chan just took off his shoes and turned to walk upstairs. He was startled by a yell.

   "Happy birthday, Chan!!" It was his parents and his boyfriend, all popping out from behind random objects.

   Chan stood in shock, and ran to hug them all. He kissed Johnny on the cheek in the heat of the moment, forgetting his parents were there.

   "Christopher Bang! What is this nonsense! Why did you kiss Johnny?? Are you g-gay?" His dad yelled. His mom started to yell as well, screaming at him to leave their house and never come back. 

   He sprinted upstairs grabbing everything he would need, tears falling from his eyes as he ran downstairs and out of the door. "YOU'RE A WORTHLESS, GOOD FOR NOTHING FAG, I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER," his dad yelled after him. Chan just ran into Johnny's car and Johnny drove to his appartment. That night they just cuddled while Johnny comforted Chan, the one thing he needed most.

   July 8th, 2017. The boys had been dating for quite a while. Chan moved in with Johnny. They loved it, loved each other. Well, kinda. Chan loved Johnny. Johnny had started to abuse Chan. He would hit Chan for everything. Came home late? Hit. Didnt answer the way Johnny wanted him to? Kicked. It wasnt pretty, but Chan thought it was all for his own good.

   That night Chan came home and saw Johnny with a boy. A short, pretty boy. The smaller was on top of Johnny, kissing him, both shirtless. Johnny had his hands all over the other boy. Chan stared, feeling his heart shatter and fall, slicing further into his already broken soul. He fell, feeling dizzy. He heard Johnny speak up.

   "I never loved you, neither did your parents. It was all a getup. All I felt was pity until I realized you're just that worthless. No amount of pity ever would have helped you. The abuse helped me, though. But either way, I've found someone better. So leave. Now."

   Chan could barely process it all. He just stood and ran. He scratched at his arms, drawing blood. He ran to the nearest bridge and looked down. The tears in his eyes joined the water below, falling just as fast as his heart did.

   He jumped. No second thought. No first thought, even. He just jumped. He fell into the freezing water, thrashing in it as he hit. He just stopped struggling and let himself get carried away. But he felt someone grab him. He didnt even fight them, his heart was too broken, his head was too hurt, his body too numb.

   He felt himself being dragged out of the water, his body taking in a breath involuntarily. He coughed up water and shook from the cold, seeing three boys huddled around him. They didnt speak to him, only picked him up and put him on the back of the tallest.

   He was such a failure. Johnny was right, he couldnt even kill himself correctly. Though he did respect that they didnt talk to him. They must've seen the blood on his arms and heard the sobs falling from his swollen lips.

   They took him to one of their houses and helped him do everything. They didnt talk to him in a full conversation until the next morning. He just ended up sobbing. Soon they all became best friends. They helped him a lot.

   But Chan still wasn't happy.

   September 16th, 2017. Chan sat in his bathroom, pill bottles empty, arms bloody, head light. This was it. He was gonna die.

   He blacked out and woke up in a hospital, crying once he realized he wasnt dead. Changbin found him. He just wanted to die.

                    End Flashback

   Chan realized he was crying once he snapped out of his thoughts. The song had ended and Nillili Mambo was now playing. He wiped away his tears and thought.

   Johnny put him through hell, he really did. But, Jeongin put him through heaven, even though hes only known the boy for less than a day. Chan immediately brightened at the thought of Jeongin. The small boy was so perfect.

   Chan just spent the rest of his school day thinking of Jeongin until they went to their lockers at the end of the day. He was opening his locker as Jeongin shut his. Can thought the fluffy boy would leave, but he did the exact opposite. He talked to Chan.

   "Hi Channie hyung!! I hope your day was great!"

   "It was, don't worry," because I was thinking of you, Chan thought, "But I'm still sorry for earlier. Maybe we could go out for ice cream as an apology?" Chan blushed as he asked this. The smaller boy was just so erethral.

   "Of course! I'll see you tomorrow! Bye hyung!!" Jeongin said as gave Chan a smile before skipping away to walk home with his best friends.

   Chan thought Jeongin was brighter than the sun himself and Chan wanted the warmth. He needed it.

   And boy oh boy, Chan's already whipped.

A/N Finally an update!! And thank you all for the encouragement! But I promise theres reason to Chans flashback.

But also would you all want me to do a song per chapter? Let me know please! That's all for now! Bye bye!!!