Save Him

15.

Taelynn.

"So how do you feel about the miscarriage?" My therapist asked me and this was something; I didn't want to talk about or bring up, but I had to.

"I honestly don't know.. It's like a part of me is happy that I won't be having a rapists child. Then again that was my first baby and I'd lost it because I didn't know, you know?" I teared up a little and Quincy rubbed my back letting me know he was here. "I'm having mixed feelings; honestly. It was forced on me but I think I would have kept the baby; if I hadn't miscarried. I may have been upset at first but then again it was a innocent baby that ain't ask for its father to rape me?" I sniffled and shook my head and blew my breath.

"It's okay to feel like that; I know what happened wasn't ideal. But, you're right and I'm glad you have that mindset you're very mature for your age" She smiled at me. "You've progressed a lot over these last few months; but to fully move on you have to forgive." She looked at me and I smiled, I was actually ready to forgive Kevin and face to face.

I was going to testify against him in three months when he goes to trial; and actually move on with my life, Quincy and I have been together for a month now and I was happy these days. "I forgive him; I recently found out not only was he on pills; someone had spiked his drink and laced his weed.. not saying that was an excuse for what he did. But I do know him; and if he wasn't serious or really sorry for what he did then he wouldn't waste his time apologizing and begging me to seek help; and forcing himself to stay locked up until I testify." I smiled a little. "Even though it doesn't changed what happened; I'm glad he knew what he did was wrong and he didn't try to justify his actions" I sighed and Quincy rubbed my hand.

"Wow.. I am so happy for you!" She teared up a little and for the remainder of the session we talked about me and Q's growth and what we'd been through so far, I was happy we both could actually move on.

The sad thing was we'd both be attending separate colleges next year and I didn't know how we were going to work; but I prayed that we would.

••••

"Okay Taelynn; you had a poem you wanted to recite?" Mrs. Jacobs asked me and I nodded and pulled out the paper. We were now officially done with our paper; and the last task was an closing poem. Of course she chose Quincy to do it because he'd been through some things; but so have I and now I could understand the pain, hurt and the reason Quincy never spoke up. It was terrifying to go through the pain we'd had gone through, and even harder to speak about it.

"This is a poem from the heart.. I know I was this perfect girl to everyone but just five months ago I was taking advantage of by my own boyfriend. Someone I thought I'd love forever" I sniffled and little and the class became quiet and Quincy stood by me and encouraged me to go on. "I heard the things you've all had to see about that girl Kevin had confessed to raping.. but no one blamed him, why blame that girl? No one even stopped to think that that girl could have been your friend? Sister? Or even a classmate?" I looked at all the sad faces. "I wasn't going to testify; but why shouldn't I? Why would I let someone free that took my innocence from me? I won't, and I hope that some of you actually think before you speak on a situation" I smiled and ignored the sympathy I was getting now.

I smiled seeing Josiah come in my class and stand next to me; he'd knew I'll recite this today and wanted to be there for me.

• •
It's strange how a few short seconds can lead you in a whole new direction,
It alters how you think and act and see your own reflection.
From a single moment on, my life was forever changed,
Like everything I previously knew had suddenly been rearranged.

No one will ever understand just how I felt that day,
But deep within this poem I shall try to convey.
I cannot even begin to illustrate the repulsive person I once knew.
I intend to simply express the horror that I went through.

I tried to fly away, but my wings he had been broke.
I was like an innocent cow that he used to prod and poke.
My mind filled with confusion, and his filled with lust.
He took another part of me with each and every thrust.

Tears like elegant pearls gracefully danced down my face.
I peered into his soul with a firm look of disgrace.
His cold touch like a vacuum, sucking out the life in me.
His ears were wide open, but he wouldn't hear my plea.

Sometimes late at night I simply can't fall asleep
Thinking about how my innocence is no longer mine to keep.
What some can only imagine in their worst possible nightmare
Is my gruesome reality that can't be undone nor repaired.

I may have the sweetest smile, glowing between my nose and chin,
But only I know the truth about the deep secrets held within.
I may have the prettiest eyes that have seen more than they should
And have cried more delicate tears than anyone else ever could.

I may have the kindest heart, but that came with a cost.
It has felt the worst of pains and experienced the greatest loss.
I cannot change the past, an event to which I succumbed.
But I can focus on the present and change what is to come.

We are all so different and yet so much the same.
Everyone, in some way or another, will experience a kind of pain.
Everybody has things they wish not to recall,
Into each life some rain must fall.

Scattered throughout our lives, like a friend that is one of a kind,
Dreary days will steadily approach, bad memories trailing behind.
These dark days are necessary, just as important as the rest,
For if we didn't have the worst, we couldn't recognize the best.
• •

Wiping my tears; Quincy hugged me and pecked my lips as I heard sniffles in the classroom. Even the boys were crying; I didn't want sympathy. I just wanted everyone to know things like this happen everyday. "Also, I got pregnant that night and lost a child" I started.

"Brianna; you were my Bestfriend and I confided in you and you told me 'it was better it died then me having it because I'm young and it would of been stupid to love a child that was going to grow up and be just like it's father' I didn't let it bother me at first; but it did. You didn't once think or ask me about how I felt about losing my child! But, I also have written something here. No matter what had happened that was my baby and I would of took care of my kid; you assumed my child would of grew up an rapist and why?" She didn't respond she just sat there and cried.

• •
I never saw your twinkling eyes
Or touched your precious feet.
I never shared a tiny yawn
Or rocked you fast asleep.

I never kissed your tiny hands
Or saw your little smile.
I never held you in my arms,
But I carried you for a while.

Although I never saw your face
Or heard your precious laughter,
You're still my child whom I love
And will forever after.

You may have been conceived by rape
But you? I couldn't hate.
• •