Guilt, trust, love

AN ENIGMATIC BOND

Ishita had big red swollen eyes due to continuous crying. In the morning, Raman is shocked to see that.

R: Ishita, yeh kya ho gaya? Tumhe kya ho raha hain? Kahin koi pain hain?

I: No Raman, I am fine. Walk pe chalte hain.

They sat on the bench outside. Raman knew something was troubling her. But he wanted to know what.

R: Ab bataogi mujhe please kya hua hain. Meri tension badha rahi ho tum.

I: Relax Raman kuchh nahi hua hain. Mere aaj kal mood swings bhi bohot hote hain iss amnesia ki wajah se. Leave it.

R: I am not. Kya tum yeh secret share nahi karogi apne best friend ke saath?

I: Karna chahti hoon. Par kya kahoon? I am not understanding what is happening with me.

R: Kyun kya hua? Kisine kuchh kaha?

I: Haan. Amma-appa ne shaadi ki baat kahi.

Raman was shocked out of his wits. He was equally flabbergasted as to what truth she knows.

R: Shaadi? Kiski? Kisse?

I: Meri shaadi Subbu ke saath!

R: Whattttt!!! Have you lost it?

I: Yes Raman, I have lost everything. I have. Mujhe... mujhe kuchh samajh mein nahi aa raha hain. Pagal mehsoos kar rahi ho khud ko.

Raman is shocked yet he tries to calm her down.

R: Ab mujhe detail mein batao kya hua. Please.

I: Raman, Subbu mera pehla pyaar hain. Woh mere saath school, college, har jagah tha. Then, we decided to get engaged. Shayad... shayad we are engaged.

Raman was clearly uncomfortable hearing it.

I: Maine uske saath zindagi bitaane ke bohot sapne dekhti thi. Par phir yeh accident ho gaya. And mujhe kuchh yaad hi nahi hain. Doctors ke maane mujhe apna recent past yaad nahi hain. So, I am feeling lost and helpless.

R: Toh kya ab tumhe Subbu se pyaar mehsoos nahi hota?

He had held his breath to observe her reaction minutely.

I: Nahi... ya hota hain... pata nahi. I am so scattered ki mujhe kuchh thik se, clearly samajh mein hi nahi aa raha. But, one thing is for sure, I don't feel any strong connection between us anymore. Pata hain pehle agar main kabhi takleef mein hoti thi na, to Subbu turant aa jata tha wahan pe. But ab har baar wahan aap aate ho. Pehle, jab mein khush hoti thi, tab pehla khayal Subbu ka aata tha, lekin ab...

R: Mera aata hain? (smiles hopefully)

I: Aapka aur Aadi-Ruhi ka. Unke saath ek dil ka rishta mehsoos hota hain. Unki har hasee mein mujhe khushi milti hain. Yeh sab na bohot ajeeb hain. Har jagah aap dikhayi dete ho mujhe. Aapki har chhoti-badi baat matters to me. It affects me. I don't know why. Waise toh hum ajnabi hain, toh phir aisa kyun lagta hain humare beech koi bohot gehra rishta hain?

R: Saat janmon ka? Main tumhe tumse bhi behtar samjhta hoon Ishita.

I: (surprised)

R: I mean best friends jo hain hum. Ishita, tum khamakha itna stress le rahi ho. Kabhi aisa hota hain ki feelings badal jaati hain. With course of time, our emotions towards some people do change.

I: (a bit angrily) Main waisi aurat nahi hoon Raman. I am not Shagun.

Both were surprised to hear that as Raman had never mentioned anything about Shagun.

R: Tumhe pata hain uske baare mein.

I: (confused) Pata hain... nahi shayad... I don't know maine aisa kyun kaha.

R: It's okay. Tumhe main Shagun ke baare mein batata hoon. Woh meri wife thi almost 7 years pehle tak. But, she left me one day. Use hamesha ek lavish life chahiye thi jo main tab afford nahi kar sakta tha. Out of the blue, I was left all broken and shattered. Lekin phir meri life mein ek ummeed ki kiran aayi, bohot saari positivity aayi. Mere best friend ke saath.

I: Best friend? Woh kaun?

R: Oye madrasan, don't be jealous. It was you.

I:(shocked) Main? Kya hum pehle se jaante hain ek dusre ko?

R: Haan. (remembers doctor's advice of not not forcing her to recollect anything) Thoda thoda.  But, you used to give me long lectures on how to deal with an unsuccessful marriage, how to keep Ruhi-Adi happy and blah blah.

I: (smiles) Achha. Mujhe toh kuchh yaad nahin. But its nice to know that we were friends from before.

R: But the crux is that kabhi kabhi aise inevitable conditions ki wajah se kuchh rishton mein darar aa sakti hain. It's not bad to end any relation unless you do something unethical to get rid of it. Rishte mein emotions ko ghotne se achha hain ki aap usse bahar niklo.

I: But I don't remember any such incident Raman ki main Subbu se apna rishta todu.

R: You don't feel love. You don't figure any connection. Isn't it the biggest sign to quit? If you can't recollect anything know, the best you can do it, just follow your heart. Dil kabhi jhoot nahi bolta. Aur tumhara toh kabhi nahi. All you need to do is express yourself freely. Tumhe aaj ka decision beete hue kal ke feelings par based nahi lena chahiye. Yahan sab tumhari baat samjhenge... just say it!

Ishita just keeps looking at him intently as if trying to read his eyes and peek into his mind.

R: Okay na? Chalo relax now. Don't stress yourself. (smiles at her)

Ishita is at a loss of words. She doesn't know how to react. In a zest, she hugs him. Though he is surprised initially, he wraps his arms around her.

I: Thank you Raman for hearing my heart out. Thank you.

R: I am always there dear. Only for you.

He kisses her lightly on her head as he gets all their sweet memories and a barrel of emotions. Ishita feels an inexplicable happiness in the hug and hides her more into him. They soon break the hug with a genuine and content smile and head home.