Guilt, trust, love

PAINFUL TRUTH

Raman sat on his knees in front of Ishita.

R: Ishita, please listen to me.

I: Mujhe kuchh bhi nahi sunana hain. Aap ki saari fizool ki baatein aap apne paas hi rakhiye. Aap ne jo dhoka diya hain woh kaafi hain.  (I don't don't want to listen to your useless talks. What you have done to me is enough for me to suffer.)

R: Main tumse kuchh kehna chahta hoon jo main jaroor kahunga. Bohot dino se yeh maine apne tak seemeet rakha but now I want to share it.  (But, I genuinely want to tell you something that I kept only to myself till now. But, I really want to tell that now.)

Ishita got up and was about to move away when Raman said.

R: Tum maa banane waali ho. (You are going to be a mother.)

I: (turned with fiery eyes) Itne ghilaune ho gaye ho aap Raman? Ruhi aur Adi ko maine apnaya, unki maa bani toh aap ne yeh soch liya ki main aap ke iss bachhe ki bhi maa ban jau, taaki aap phir se Shagun ke saath freely reh pao?
(You have turned so shameless that you are asking me to babysit your new baby with Shagun. You are just disgusting.)

Raman grabbed her by her arms and pulled her close.

R:(with teary eyes) Yeh sochti ho mere baare mein? Aisa hoon main?
(How can you think I will ever do that?)

I: Toh aur kya sochu? That's what you did to me. Mujhe pehle toh bade shauk se apnaya, kitno ko sunaya ki main baanjh nahi hoon. Lekin jab ek aur option dekha, woh bhi apni hi ex-wife jo apka pehla pyaar thi, uska toh apne bhi wohi kiya jo Subbu ne kiya- mujhe chhod diya. In fact, Subbu is much better. At least  usne jo kiya, mere mooh pe kiya. Mujhe andhere mein rakh ke kisi aur ke saath raatein...
(Then what else should I think Raman? Firstly, you married me, reprimanded everyone who dared to call me infertile, and then you cheated on me. Even you treated me the same way as Subbu did. Or should I say he was better because at least, he was truthful and upfront. He never cheated on me.)

R: (pulls her closer) Enough Ishita. Yeh bachha tumhara aur mera hain. Shagun ko maine kabhi uss nazar se dekha bhi nahi hian. Mere dil mein, aur mere paas sirf tum ho Ishita. Kisi aur ke liye koi jagah nahi hian.
(Enough Ishita. This baby is a part of me and a part of YOU. I never had any wishes or intentions of getting back to Shagun. I immensely love you and I belong only to you.)

Ishita pushes him away with all her might and sits on the sofa with a thud.

R: Ishita, I am sorry, maine yeh baat chhupayi tumse. Lekin main kya karta? Pehle toh Manoj ne bola ki baby stable hone mein 6 weeks lagenge. Main tumhare hopes baandh kar unhe shatter nahi karna chahta tha. And then, this accident, aur uske baad ka sab kuchh, all doors leading to you were literally slammed on my face. Main tumhe kuchh nahi bataya.
(Ishita, I am sorry, I had to hide this from you because Manoj had asked me to do so. I didn't want to build your hopes and shatter them anyway. And after the accident, all doors leading to you were literally slammed on my face.)

I: (slowly) Yeh bachha kyun chahiye tha? Aap ko bhi mere infertility se itni takleef hain.
(Why did you need this child Raman? Were you embarrassed of your infertile wife?)

Raman looked at her and saw big tears rolling down her eyes. He could understand her pain. So he took her in a tight hug when she broke down.

I: (sobbing) Kyun kiya aisa? Main itni buri hoon kya? Mera... mera koi astitva hi nahi hain. Mere opinions, feelings kabhi matter hi nahi karte.
(Am I really not worth any love and trust. Does infertility entitle me to suffer so much?)

R: (wipes her tears) Aisa bilkul nahi hain Ishita. Maine jo kiya sirf tumhare liye hi toh kiya na.
(No, no, never Ishita. I did all this only for your happiness.)