LIVING: From Teenagers Perspectives

Midnight Crys

It's not all about physically having it all, but also about having it all psychologically and emotionally.

I can't pinpoint the time, but it was around last year [2017] this all happened. I had this undying uneasiness within me. I felt insecure about every single thing. I couldn't even bank on the love of my parents and siblings, I felt like shii for no reason.

Why? Why was I going through all these? To be very honest, I didn't have a reason.

My parents’ relationship with me was still intact and so was that of my siblings. I woke up every midnight for no just cause and cried like a baby. Couldn't cry out loud, so I simply let the tears flow. I felt so so depressed. The way and manner I loathed myself at that very point in time were unbelievable. And the funny part of it all was, I was still going around and helping people who were depressed. So ironic.

I wasn't really interested in telling people, so I'll cry to myself in pain. But then, I started talking to a friend, who was really helpful about it. He tried to help me, but all to no avail. The problem was that I wasn't helping myself get helped. I still kept those emotions packed in at a corner.

It wasn't until one day the question kept on ringing in my head, ‘Why? Why was I the way I was?’ I didn't have an answer to it. The answer that kept on ringing in my head was nothing, then why was I so depressed, insecure, and uneasy.

I later found out that, it was all from within. I never found myself complete. I belittle myself and my mind did an incredible job of bully me daily. It didn't let me see how enough I was, and instead reminded me of how little I was for myself. And that was the problem, I wasn't feeling enough.

By: RuthieEbun