LIVING: From Teenagers Perspectives

Self-Hate

As a kid, I had always been insecure about everything. I was insecure about my family, my body and even myself in whole.

I had always been scared that my family does not love me, I was scared that I wasn't enough.

From the onset, I had been a girl with a very big butt and I have been so insecure about it. I was always feeling like my butt was too big at least until I owned up to it and knew how to rock it😂😂😂(I didn't mean that literally). Anyways this went on for a long while but most especially in junior high school. I would find myself comparing myself to other girls and telling myself.

"Miji, You aren't fine enough. See that fine and fair girl. Miji, there is nothing you know. That boy just won an award for the school. And it goes on and on, I was always comparing myself to others and telling myself I wasn't good enough. I didn't know why but now, I can partly say it was my parent's fault.

As a young girl, I had always been compared to others."See, your mates are helping their mothers but yours is too always read novel. You are an unless girl, there is nothing you can do."They would always say.

As a young girl, I would cry it off and said it doesn't bother me and that they were just trying to build me into a better adult but the truth was I was affected by it all and I found myself trying to become a little miss perfectionist. Even when they don't complain, my mind would. Even if they don't ask me to do something, my subconscious would ask me to.

Those words join together from friends, family, acquaintance and even strangers made me insecure and I wanted to be everything.

Whenever someone playfully says something bad about me or my parent compare me to someone, I would find myself crying at night blaming and telling myself I was the worstest person on earth. (Funny now that I think about it😂)

I was always downgrading myself and whenever someone complimented me or say something good about me, I will smile and instead of saying thank you, I would say someone is better than me. It wasn't until finally when I got to senior year and I met some really great friends did I finally started realizing that I can't always be perfect and I can't always be everything.

They understood and saw me for who I was and they were willing to help me and when they finally did, I was grateful.

What I am trying to say however is that insecurity is something that happens to most people but instead of trying to tell yourself you are fine, talk to someone about it.

Talk to a friend about it, talk to a good person(Not a bad person ooh😂)and own yourself, don't let anyone own you not even your Parent. Be your own person and be confident in yourself.

There is really no moral lesson, I am just trying to relate to the fact that everyone faces insecurity but you just have to find the right person to help you out and if you don't, help yourself.

When someone tells you, you look like a monkey. Look into the mirror and see yourself in a new light. Tell yourself I am finer than some people. When someone calls you fat, look into the mirror and say I am perfect the way I am.

Say No to body shaming and love yourself!

By olamijibanks