10 Things I hate About Her (10 Things #1)

The Letter About Claire

January 7,

Should I tell you of Cassandra? Of the first girl I dated? It would be the right thing to do. You're always saying I never tell you anything.

When did we first meet Claire?

We were ten or eleven?

It doesn't matter.

You always wonder why she and I are so quick to argue- it's in our nature. I had almost forgotten about that day and the things we did. I don't think she's gay, but she was curious.

The first time you brought her to me- she was wearing a flowery pink dress and I snorted and called her a 'fake'. She called me a 'dude'. And that was that. What really ticked me off was that you invited her to play with us. Intrude on our private affairs. I threw a pebble at her and you got mad at me and said I shouldn't do it again. Logically, I threw another. You hit me in the back of my head, but she picked up a handful and started throwing them relentlessly, hitting the two of us in the process. Then we were all throwing small rocks at each other and screaming. When I went home that day and checked myself in the mirror, there was a dark bruise on my forehead. It hurt.

I wrote her name down on the list of people I didn't like, right under our fifth-grade teacher, Ms. Sparrow. I thought you'd realize that being friends with her was a bad idea and that I was all you needed. But to my surprise and partial grief, she invited us to her house for a sleepover. I didn't care if she was in our class- in our neighbourhood- or in our town- I didn't want her anywhere near you.

We went to the sleepover, and I, being more reluctant than you, walked much slower. Her father let us in and led us up the spiral steps to her grand room. You and Claire were to share the bed and I got a sleeping bag on the floor. I remember thinking that she was a complete witch and I had nothing good to say about her. She made her statement. She wanted to let me know that I wasn't important enough to sleep on the bed with you- or that's what I thought at the time.

I excused myself to the washroom, but, I actually went outside and packed ants into a plastic container then hid them in my bag. I returned and waited for the right time- when you would leave the two of us alone. Time dragged on slowly as you and Claire talked about things I no longer remember. Then, when I was starting to feel drowsy, the chance appeared. You went to the bathroom, leaving the two of us.

She looked at me.

I looked at her.

There was silence.

I reached into my bag.

She made a puzzled face.

I held the container behind my back and jumped on the bed. I jerked the lid off. Ants rained on her like specks of black dirt. She screamed and attacked the air. Her knee caught my stomach and I groaned, doubling over. I remember her knee being quite bony and painful.

Her father busted into the room, yelling at me. He told me to get out. Till this day, he looks at me the same way. Spite reflected in his dark eyes. Lips turned up in anger. I watched you slip back into the room and glance at the teary-eyed Claire. You shuffled past me and went to see what was wrong with her.

"Out!" he yelled, pointing at the door.

I stood there, hands shaking in shame. I picked up my belongings, saw the two of you getting along well without me and departed with a sinking heart. As I walked home by myself, I thought about what I had done, and I realized I had wanted to have fun with the two of you. Talking to people didn't come as easily to me as it did to you. Being nice was far from easy.

Unfortunately, I saw her again, three days later, while I was riding my bicycle down the street. She watered the garden, a pleasant smile on her face. I called out to her. I thought she wouldn't respond but she waved me over. She pointed to a worm sunbathing on the rock. We laughed at it and then she shoved it into my face. The slimy, grimy critter wriggled on my lips. I staggered back and landed painfully on my ass on the gravel driveway, trapping my bicycle beneath me. She dropped the worm then reached for the hose and drowned me in its powerful jet. I lurched forward, and we wrestled for the hose, getting equally drenched in the process.

She turned off the pipe at last and we collapsed to the ground, wet but laughing. I liked someone who could put up a good fight. I smirked, but I felt a bit more comfortable around her.

Claire said, 'You like her, don't you?'

I said, 'What?'

'You're really possessive of her and you're real boyish, so I might be reading into things, but I think you like her and you're afraid that I'll steal her from you. That's why you're trying to get rid of me.'

I said, 'I'm not gay.'

'No?'

'No.'

'Then since you're not gay and I'm certainly not gay, then there's no need for us to fight over the same girl, is there? We can both be her friends. And I'll be your friend too.' She held out her hand. 'What do you say?'

I didn't respond.

She smiled. 'How about ice-cream? Should we get some? Do you like that?' She bent her head at an awkward angle to peer at me from below. She said in sing-song voice, "Ice-cream."

I muttered, 'Okay.'

'Good.' She pulled me to my feet. Her grip was soft yet firm. 'We have many flavors.'

I don't remember what happened after we ate, but we agreed to hang out again and she became my second friend. I was happy to have someone other than you to talk to. And no, I never dated her. Haha-did you think I was going to say that? Or even that we kissed? She would say, 'Ew, no, Val's like an annoying little brother I can't get rid of. Ewww. Perish the thought.'

Also, I would never date her because that would be gross. She's like an annoying little sister to me.

Lol.

These are the girls I actually dated.

My first girlfriend was Julie Roberts, a girl from music camp. I broke up with her because her name reminded me of my sister and that was gross.

My second was Cassandra, also from music camp. I hurt her pretty bad. It wasn't that I didn't like her or that I didn't find her attractive. I did like her. She was attractive, but she wasn't you. And she never would be. I had no choice but to let her go. I was starting to love you deeply and profoundly and I dug myself into a hole I couldn't get out of. I had to end things. It wasn't fair to her. You were the one I dreamed about. The one that made my heart flutter. The one that made me flustered and at a lost for words.

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Night falls early in the winter and I want to sleep all the time. I wish I were next to you right now. I denied liking you for such a long time. And now, I can finally admit it. It brings me peace and freedom that wasn't there prior. I question how long this serenity will last. I bet someone will take it from me soon.

I'm making quite a bit of money as a street musician. I'm teaching Matt how to play a wooden drum. He's got a good sense of rhythm. Much better than you- you could never keep to the tempo for longer than a minute. 

Goodnight and sweet dreams. May you rise to a better day, without any worries or green feelings.

Love,

Val