The Way We Feel

Chapter 32

I kept my head down and tugged my bag further onto my shoulder.

So close now. It had been a week and half since I'd seen my family, but I was so close to seeing them now.

I just had to make it through the airport without incident.

Everything about John F. Kennedy airport in New York City was familiar, which was a strange thing to realize whilst walking through it. But I'd spent so much time here over the course of my life—way more than most people—and even more after I'd met Mads.

JFK was always a welcome sight after I'd met Mads.

But I wasn't really looking around as I headed for the exit of this particular terminal. I was just trying to get there without being recognized.

We'd finished filming yesterday at about two in the afternoon. And it was... it was an indescribable feeling to be done. To reach the end of four months' worth of work, and feel that sense of accomplishment. That sense of relief.

It was over. Done. The thing that had challenged me professionally, and caused Mads and I so much strife these last four months had finally come to an end. And between feeling relieved to have finished, and excited that it also meant I'd get to see my family again, I felt pretty good about it. Proud, even, of what I'd achieved during the filming of this particular movie.

I felt like I'd grown as an actor. Which didn't necessarily mean I was looking forward to seeing myself on screen again, but it did mean that I'd had a great time working on the film despite its challenges, and that I felt like I'd learned a lot, despite everything that had happened at home.

Home.

Mads and Lila were doing well as far as I could tell from our daily phone calls. And though we'd talked every day, Mads and I hadn't really had a full-length discussion about everything yet—I think we'd both independently agreed we wanted to wait until we were together again to discuss things at length. But I did know that she'd been to see her therapist, her gynecologist, and that she'd seen her psychiatrist again, too.

All of which was good. Great, really. And I could tell that being home with her family was doing wonders for her. She smiled so easily now, and as much as it was a relief to see that smile again, it made me think about just how long it had been since I'd seen it.

Her real smile—the effortless one that brightened her entire face. Her entire being.

Not the one she'd been wearing these last few months—the one that touched her lips and nothing more.

Guilt threatened to overcome me each time I saw it, each time all of those things went through my mind—but it was over now. The film was over now, and I didn't have any projects set in stone for the immediate future. I figured we'd stay in New York for a good long while now. Be a family the way we were supposed to—at least until Mads was feeling better. At least until she'd gotten through the bulk of the work she needed to do to get better again.

My phone dinged from my pocket, which I was glad for because my service hadn't returned right away when I landed. Which meant that I hadn't been able to text anyone that I'd made it here safely.

When I slid it from my pocket, I smiled to see Madelyn's reply to my text from hours ago.

It consisted of three of the "mind-blown" emojis, which made me chuckle. It was the perfect response to my earlier text.

I'd grabbed myself a Snapple while I was waiting to board my plane at LAX. So, of course, I had to send her the Snapple fact: Nowhere in the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme does it say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg.