The Way We Feel

Chapter 25

"What do you think of this?" Mom held up a floral, flowy shirt with blue and green accents.

I paused in my search at the next clothes rack. "That's pretty. Very you."

She looked at it again, fingered the bottom of the fabric. "I think it might be too scratchy."

I didn't say anything as she put the hanger back on the rack and moved onto the next one.

Shopping with Mom was never particularly relaxed, nor was it easy. But I'd made the mistake of mentioning that I needed new clothes for the fall semester, and she'd insisted on a shopping trip together. I couldn't say no.

"What kinds of things were you looking for? Anything in particular?" she asked, sifting through the next rack of clothes. She paused and wrinkled her nose in distaste before quickly moving on.

"Um, a little bit of everything. A couple pairs of pants, some tops, some sweaters—"

"The basics."

"The basics," I agreed, pulling out a pretty lavender top.

"You won't be able to pair that with anything else."

I knew she was right—it was more of a statement piece—but I put it back feeling bothered.

"I think we should go to that other store, what's it called again?"

"H&M?"

"Yeah, H&M. We usually do well there for you, don't we?" Mom smiled as she headed past me, out of the store she had chosen.

"But I thought you wanted to look in here," I said, following her.

"I don't see anything I like," she said as I caught up to her, dodging other mall-goers as we headed for H&M. "And besides, it's more important we find you what you need."

I sighed, already exhausted, but resolved. "Alright."

"When do classes start?"

"August 28th."

"Are you looking forward to it?"

"Yeah," I said, and I meant it. "It's actually been hard being home these last couple weeks."

I'd ended up working the second summer semester after the first. Harry had gotten busy in the studio, and I didn't see any point in my staying away from work while he was busy. Especially considering it had been so helpful in getting me through the worst of the sadness after my miscarriage. It took me out of myself, and I needed that now more than ever.

"Mm. Harry still working a lot?" Mom asked, looking sideways as we passed the food court.

"Yeah he's been pretty busy, but I—"

"Want a coffee?" Mom asked, gesturing toward the Dunkin Donuts counter.

Like she had to ask. "Sure."

"Sorry, you were saying?" she said as we veered off in the direction of the coffee.

"No, uh... he's been busy, yeah. But I think I would want to be working anyway. Even if he wasn't."

"Good. It's good for you to get out."

"Exactly." 

We were waiting behind a few people—one of them was a young mother with a baby in a stroller and a toddler at her hip. I tried to ignore the sting where it hit me somewhere between my chest and my gut at the sight. The worst of the pain had certainly eased a good bit since a couple months ago, but that didn't mean it didn't still hurt.