Keep Me Warm
Imagine for Andrea♡
(andrea_julia)
___
"Andrea, what are you doing!?"
My head snaps up to the doorway where Austin stands, horrified at the sight in front of him. I swear I locked the door.
Scrambling to my feet, I threw the pair of scissors under my desk and acted as if nothing was wrong.
Austin takes a few steps closer to me and his eyes fill with sadness. I feel the tears brim my eyes as he grabs ahold of my wrist and takes a look at what I've done. I feel ashamed and stupid, but then again that's how everyone makes me feel. That fat antisocial girl.
"I'm sorry..." I mumble insincerely. I know Austin will never leave me to take care of my own problems if he knows I'll keep doing this. It's not that I don't want his company, I love it. But if I bring him into my problems, it'll only cost me more embarrassment and harassment. They'll think I'm weak and pathetic. Someone who can't fight for herself.
Austin doesn't say a word. He only stares down at my wrist that I have now drawn on with a blade, a beautiful picture in my eyes. It takes my pain away and that's exactly what I need. A minute passes and we've stood like mannequins in a store, motionless.
It's taken Austin so long to respond, I almost feel as if he's judging me. We've been dating for a year and a half and he's never seen this side of my before. I don't blame him if he thinks I'm an emotional wreck and I won't be surprised if he wants to leave me right now. Who would want to love a mess like me? I deserve no one, at least that's what everyone at school expresses to me.
Tears stream down my face at the thought of Austin leaving. As much as I sound like I won't be surprised, I will be crushed. He's all I have. If he leaves I don't know what I'll do anymore. He's the only one who can distract me from every single negative aspect in my life. I love him. More than he'll ever know.
Austin gazes up at me and before I can even process what is happening, he's holding me tightly in his arms. I bring my arms around him and hold him close, squeezing him as if my life depended on it, which it quite frankly did. I cried. I cried into his soft cotton shirt and muffled words came out of my mouth as I tried to explain everything.
"Shh." Austin runs his fingers through my hair that I haven't washed in a few days. This past week, I've been more depressed than ever and I found no reason to pamper myself if it'll only provoke more insults from everyone. Therefore, I am a disgusting, emotional, self-harming piece of shit.
"You shouldn't be here," I cry into his shoulder.
He releases his strong grip on me to look at my face. I'm an ugly crier and I still don't understand why Austin is here with me, trying to console me. He deserves better.
"Why not?" he says in a whisper and the hurt in his voice sends needles through my heart.
Looking down at my feet, I reply, "I don't deserve to be with you."
"Andrea, what are you saying?" Austin asks, confused at my negativity.
"I don't deserve to be with you..." I repeat in a quieter voice.
My body suddenly feels weak. I feel as if I'm about to faint. Falling limp against Austin's body, I lose my footing but he catches me.
"What do you mean you don't deserve to be with me?" He sits us down on the bed and pulls me into him for yet another much needed hug.
I start to cry harder into his shirt and my muscles feel numb. My chest is tight and every breath I take is more and more painful.
"Andr-"
