The Bully

Time Goes By Fast

Since our last talk, I've been feeling kind of sad. From then on it seemed like he doesn't want to hear from me anymore...he went offline when I came online, he didn't send me anymore messages and it's all been shit basically.

One night, I decided to try and forget about him and all the shit that's happening in my life. How suicide is slowly becoming my only option and how it's been on my mind since 6th grade. But I decided not to do it that night yet. So, what did I do instead? I was home alone and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, pouring myself a few shots. I didn't care. I wanted to feel alright for a while. But that didn't help...the more I drank, the worse I felt. The only words in my brain were: "Take more shots. You will finally rest in peace." "Drink the whole bottle, you ugly scumbag." "Nobody wants you around."
And I was very surprised when Laura's name appeared on the tear-stained screen of my phone. I picked it up and she tried to calm me down, to reassure me it's all okay and that I'll make it through. I don't remember everything really. I was too intoxicated.

The next week I also went out with Kathy from class A. It feels great to have true friends in at least one class. Mine are getting worse and worse, nobody really cares about me, so fuck them, I guees?

But on what seemed a normal day, I decided to try and contact Rick again...I'll see if he still wants to talk to me.

So I send him a message when he's online in the evening, hoping that we'll have at least a short conversation. And the start was great, both just talking about the basic stuff.

One hour goes by, 9 p.m.
We're still talking, no breaks were taken until now.
R: wait let me just have a quick smoke for 5 minutes brb
T: okay take your time
And that's when I thought that the conversation is slowly ending or he's getting tired of me. But he comes back and we continue.

Two hours of talking, 10 p.m.
Stuff's getting fun and we are starting to develop our first inside jokes. I'm also happy that his thougts about sports are the same as mine - what the fuck is sport and how do you even do it??

Three hours of talking, 11 p.m.
Jokingly planning some stuff together, which will probably never happen - to travel around the world peacefully, sharing our love towards art. He also gave me some new songs to listen to and I love them. For real, not just because he does.

Four hours of talking, midnight
People don't respect art anymore and I'm happy that we share similar thoughts on those things.
R: art is the best thing on earth...the best way to get your feelings out and connect with others
T: I agree yes, but some people just don't know what art is anymore
R: yeah...art is subjective but c'mon...mumble rap? People are strange...when you're a strangerr ;)
T: faces look ugly, when you're alonee ;) but yeah I can't stand mumble rap...I honestly don't feel anything if I listen to it
R: see? You understand...that's why there's people like you and me in this world...we have a purpose
And then I got a bunch of quotes. Deep quotes that I'd never even think I'd get from a guy. A proof that guys have feelings too.

Five hours of talking, 1 a.m.
He's probably getting a bit sleepy by now, it's the time when he's usually already asleep. The themes are getting deeper. Alcohol, mental health...he knows how to use his brain and he doesn't make fun of these things.
R: yeah, mental health...that fucker...
T: sad but true...
R: oh...you know when I was texting you about that friendship things last time? I was drunk as fuck I'm sorry if you didn't understand me...nobody wants to hear about my problems why the fuck am I even saying all this?
T: no, I understood everything...just please be careful when you're drinking, I can always listen to your problems
R: yeah...same goes for you - take care of yourself
Now...I rarely drink, but I guess that is the first time a guy has ever told me that. The first time that a guy cares about me...at least I think that means he cares...

Six hours of talking, 2 a.m.
Talking about the talk basically. That made me all warm inside...
R: that's probably the best talk I've ever had you know?
T: god, same...definitely the best one
R: idk what i'd be doing if you weren't here...probably some stupid shit?
And I thought that the conversation is ending here, but HELL NO, WE'RE GOING FURTHER!

Seven hours of talking, 3 a.m.
School and grades...or should I say: me whining about my stupid class.
R: why didn't you switch classes then? We'd all be more than happy if you'd come to our class
T: yeah I wanted to switch classes since forever ugh
R: please come to our class...save us...we need you...
T: kay, i'll be right there
R: yayy
If only that would be possible...not because of him, but because of my friends there: the friends that actually care. The only person I'd miss from our class would be Leiah.

Eight hours of talking, 4 a.m.
The most random themes come up...
R: arghh shit I just bit my lip
T: why'd you do that, silly
R: accidents happen...i'm bleeding omg
T: oh no is it bad?
R: nope I actually love blood mmmm
T: wait...for real?
R: well yeah...blood's cool

R: nooo I dropped my chips >:(
T: omg are you eating chips right now?
R: hell yes i am
T: i'm hungry ;-;
R: i'd give you some if you were here

Then I had to end the talk soon...I'd love to continue, if I'd have time, but I need at least a few hours of sleep...in the end I barely got any, because of the butterflies in my stomach. That was literally the best and longest talk ever.

"If you were here"
"We'll go around the world together...it will be safer that way lol"
"We have a purpose"
"Take care of yourself"
"That's probably the best talk I've ever had"
"I don't know what I'd be doing if you weren't here"

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Idk if i'll keep this chapter on here...some things are a bit too specific so I'll maybe take it off when the few people who are interested, read this xD
I don't want him or anyone knowing about this so I guess it will be better that way lmao