The Bully

One Of 'Em Sad Ones

About a week ago when we went out, Oli finally came back and Jimmy went on vacation. The difference was visible within seconds. Who was teasing us? Oli.
And before I left, I got the sweetest hug from Rick ever. He stood up just to hug me and that was so cute. We hugged and it was the first time in front of Oli, whose face I saw when I hugged Rick. He seemed quite impressed that Rick actually made a move while Oli was at Oxford.
But when Rick pulled away from the hug, he did something so cute, I can't even explain how it made me feel. After the hug, he put his hands into his pockets, smiled and blushed, which made him look at the ground. He just shrunk his body together like the cutest puppy and wow.

The next time we were out it was also without Jimmy and with Oli, so it was funfunfunfun!
But a certain topic came on...about happiness hormones and how drugs affect them. After they were trying to make each one a different statement, Vic just got the obvious idea.
"We should ask Taylor, she isn't such a huge stoner" Vic said and looked at me.
"Not the best one to be asked about serotonine."
"Why?" Vic asked and everyone seemed pretty confused.
I'm not gonna seek attention. I'll just say it a bit differently. "My body's missing serotonine."
They all looked at me like they would've never thought. Which is great, because it means that I'm doing a great job at hiding the shit.
"But how? I mean, you're happy." Rick asked and that moment hurt me. He looked so shocked and his voice made me wish that I'd just kept quiet. Oh, boy, I completely forgot...he doesn't know it all. I haven't told him everything, because...well...a happy person like him, would try too keep away from the negative energy. And it made me think: I really am the negative energy in his life. I'm the one who's always asking him stupid questions, pulling him down by being clingy, probably ruining his summer...
Let's be real, he almost never texted me to come see him. Literally just 3 times. He doesn't need me. He has everything he needs to live a happy life: his guitar, the most loyal friends I've ever met, the weed...Why would he need a suicidal hoe? That's not what he deserves. But he should know that no other girl will love him as much as I do.
He's literally the thing that elongated my life for two years. He's the one who made me feel love. He's the one I stayed alive for. He's the one who listened when I had problems. But it's all been quite weird lately.
Yes, I'm causing drama over the smallest and stupidest things:
-He doesn't text me anymore and is not even online at the time when we usually text.
-He declined my offer to come to the town for the third time.
-No more co-operation at cute texts.
-He doesn't want to be alone with me anymore. Doesn't even walk me to my bike anymore.
-I AM MAKING THIS ALL TOO MUCH OF A BIG DEAL, I KNOW, OKAY???

Because he's not really interested lately, I went out with Naomi. Wow, I didn't smoke weed! We just got drunk. Very drunk.
We were walking around town and also the bad-vibe Berth joined us then.
I drank half a bottle of whiskey, rum, wine and some weird shit. It hit me as fuck.
But around the corner we saw Naomi's crush. And then. Rick on a bike. And Zack, Vic, Oli and Leo. We all high fived then went for a short walk.
"We took a shit load of ecstasy, Taylor!" Oli and Leo proudly announced.
"And I drank more than ever before!" I announced even prouder.

"Vic! Zack! Where the fuck are you two going?" Rick asked when Vic and Zack started walking up to the forest where we usually hang out.
Vic and Zack stopped walking and Zack got confused. Even though he's always confused. "Um, to the benches so that Taylor can join for at least half an hour?"
"No, we're going to Vic's." Rick said and didn't stop driving his bike.
"Is she okay with being at my house?" Vic asked and looked at me. Oops, he took Rick's role of asking me if I agree. Last used by Rick...about a month ago.
Rick said something that is still echoing in my mind:"She's not going."
And I wasn't the only one shocked. Rick, Jack, Berth and Naomi continued walking, but me and the others stopped.
Vic looked at me and raised his brow, as he wasn't sure if he heard it right. Zack has never been more confused and he just looked at Vic. Oli opened his mouth, widened his eyes so much that they almost fell out and stared at Rick. Leo looked at me with the most confused face he's ever made, pointed at Rick and whispered:"The fucking fuck did he just say???"
Vic was still looking at me and scratched his head, then slowly started walking, Zack following him right away, but judging by his facial expression, he was still processing Rick's words. Not gonna judge: we all were. When Oli snapped out of his mini trance we slowly started walking, but he still wasn't sure if he heard right, so Leo repeated:"Did he just choose us over Taylor? Over his TayTay??" Oli was shaking his head, his eyes still widened, as if he just saw an alien:"Nononononono, that's not even Rick...Leo, Oli, Vic, Zack and Jack before his TayTay?? Impossible..."
I was surprised by their reaction. "Come on, it's not the first time he did it..."
They almost went insane:"What do you mean???" And they stopped walking again.
"Well, on Saturday there were too many people and he told me Vic's balcony is full..."
We continued to walk then. "I mean...yeah, it was quite full, but we'd fit you somewhere...Why didn't you come yesterday then?" Oli asked.
I shrugged:"I felt like I'm always just squeezing myself into your plans."
"But we literally invited you..." Leo said and oh, my God how much confusion.
Now, I know I'm drunk, but I'm pretty sure nobody asked me out yesterday:"Umm...who?"
"Umm, all of us?" Leo replied.
Oli stopped us again:"Wait. So, you're telling me that Rick didn't invite you yesterday? No missed calls? No texts?"
"I'm 100% sure. If his name popped up on my screen I'd be ready in a second."
Leo and Oli looked at each other and Leo smacked himself in the face:"Oli, am I delusional or did we literally ask Rick to call Taylor?"
Oli yelled:"We did, Leo! And he said he asked her!"
I wanted to stop the confusion, so I just shut them up:"It's okay guys, can we just start walking, because we're very far behind the main train."
And no. No one looked back. No one even noticed that three people are missing. Rick didn't even care if his TayTay is there or not.

So I decided to walk with Oli and Leo.
"Here, Oli." Leo said as he took off one of his many rings.
Oli tried to act as an excited girl:"Oh, my gosh! It's happening!"
Leo held his hand and almost put the ring on his finger, before Oli moved his hand:"No! Leo! That's some hardcore gay shit!"
"Aren't you two goals!" I giggled.
"You know, we're now full of love! You saw how it goes when Rick took it." Oli said.
"Wait...you know?" I widened my eyes.
Oli and Leo looked like they really get me:"Well yeah, we saw everything he was texting."
"Oh, fuck...everything?"
Oli nodded:"Yep, even the part about licking...your...down under...and the quadrillion hearts he sent..."
I looked at Rick, carelessly riding his bike next to others, so far that he couldn't hear us talking. "Just look at him..." I said with a sad voice.
Leo and Oli seemed quite concerned:"What is it?"
"He's so happy and I'm not even there. It feels like he doesn't even care anymore."
The guys were trying so hard to take away my negative thoughts. "No way! Where'd you get that from?"
I shrugged:"I don't know...it seems like it."
All three of us looked at the ground. After a while it was just like some kind of a movie scene, when Oli looked up at me and quietly asked a question that made Leo look up in concern as well:"You really love him...don't you?"
And that touched me. I looked at them with tears literally gathering in my eyes and I just nodded. I couldn't let them hear a voice crack or something.
"That's visible from afar, Taylor..."

We stopped where the road parts and Rick finally said something that gave me hope:"I'll call you later and we can go out...when do you have to go home?"
I smiled:"That would be awesome, yea! I'm leaving at 7:30."
"Deal." He said and we all fist bumped. No hug.
I was so happy to hear him say that and I was constantly thinking about him and how I'll get to talk to him. (Pfft, not that I do that all the time...)
I said goodbye to Naomi at 6:00 because she went out with her friend. And I was waiting for Rick to call.
15 minutes pass. Nothing.
So I texted him and told him that I'm alone now and they can call me up whenever they want. Nothing.
I called him. Nothing.
I didn't hear from him.
I didn't see him.
Even Leo texted me if I made it home safely, but Rick didn't.
Being drunk, it made it even worse. How much worse?

Relapse.