The Bully

At the moment, I hate my iPad

I hate everything right now, because I spilled my heart into writing this chapter and NONE of it saved. I can't even save it properly, so it's a big mess...now it has around 1600 words, but when I wrote it before it had more than 3000....what else can go wrong????

So I waited outside his flat and saw an old man approaching the flat. I was thinking "do I say hello or not??". And I also saw that there was a maltese walking with him. When the man walked past me, he made my decision easier: he smiled and said hello nicely. His dog was still peeing in the bush and when it saw me, it started barking and running around me, wagging the tail like crazy. The man laughed and called the dog:"Come here now, you know it's her now."
It was a very cute dog, and a very nice old man. But I was confused at the man's words...I don't know him, so how would I know his dog?"
And Rick still hasn't come out. The old man walked outside again with his dog:"You're Rick's girl, right?" The dog ran up to me again, and it was crystal clear to me: this is Kira. Rick's maltese, but I didn't even recognise her without her bow. And the man was Rick's grandpa. "Yep, is he inside?" And I was completely unaware of the yep. "He'll be here soon, he just has to get ready some more."
Soon Rick walked out and hugged me. "Listen, my grandpa came into my flat to say bye and he goes like this:"Rick, your girlfriend's waiting outside, hurry up." So I walk out of the bathroom and he pushes me back inside and says:"Go back and do something appropriate with your hair, she's a catch!"

Uma joined us one time and it was the last time things were normal.

And I got sad again. Nothing is like it was before (I know not who I am anymore....). We don't talk like we used to and it shows on my mental state. I'm so scared, because he was the one thing that kept me going. Now I don't know what will happen if I lose him. I can't lose him. But I will. He was never even mine and I was never his...officialy, never. And I'll never be, because he told Jack that he likes me a lot, but would never consider me as his girl. And that hurt quite a lot actually. The only person I'm wasting the last bits of my energy for, doesn't even bother to try. How long was I waiting for him when we went out? Almost two hours. Yes, I was standing in the middle of nowhere for half an hour, then walked around the town in the rain, without an umbrella, and then he finally showed up. The stupid thing is, that I still couldn't be mad. I hugged him with a huge smile on my face, even after what just happened. Because that's just who he is: the person who makes me smile. After all the shit I go through every time because of him, I still manage to love him more than anyone or anything ever.

We were sitting on the benches with Oli, Jack and his ex Neisha, Leo and Vic. I don't remember why, but we were talking about hand size.
"But my hand is really tiny...and your fingers are long af." I said and there was no way he's gonna convince me it's not true - I've analyzed them enough.
"There can't be much difference c'mon..." he reached out his hand and I put mine on it. My heart skipped a beat at the feeling of his warm hand. I was just nodding along at his words, because I had no idea what he's saying. It lasted longer than it should, and Neisha noticed that. She asked me about my feelings towards Rick when we went to a cafeteria last week to have a girl chat. So she had a huge smile painted on her face and I looked at her when Rick and I stopped the hand thing. She started laughing uncontrollably and I did as well.
"What's so funny?" Oli asked and started laughing.
"I don't know." Neisha said and kept on laughing.
"Taylor, I'm scared. What is it?" Rick chuckled.
"Nothing, we know what it is." I said and still couldn't stop laughing.
"We wanna know too." Leo said.
And I felt like a total ass for laughing and not telling them why.
Neisha went on her phone when the guys started talking about something else and my phone bleeped. So I waited for a while and then checked the message. "That hand holding was so cute omg"
"Because that wasn't obvious at all, Neisha." Rick said and laughed.
"What?" Neisha tried to cover it up.
"You totally didn't send Taylor a message."
"Ooh, can we see it?" Oli said and wiggled his brows.
Neisha sat on her phone:"Nononono!"
"Oh, okay. Taylor, put on some music please." Oli said and I was stupid enough to fall for that.
I put on some music and put the phone on the bench. In the middle. So that we all could hear the music. In the middle. Which was right in front of Oli.
"Okay, thanks." He said and took the phone in his hands. I tried to stop him, but it was too late. "Now, let's see...the message from Neisha Henderson. Aha! Got it! Oohhh...I see now..." And I thought he's gonna read it out loud, but he luckily didn't. He put the phone away and smirked at me, and after a few seconds he teased me:"It was very much cute, yes. Right, Taylor? It was, it was..."

Then the weed started to kick in slowly and Oli is always the one who makes me laugh uncontrollably during my highs. What does he do that's so funny? Nothing, he just starts to copy my stoned moves. For example, when I can't find the words to say something and I slap my thigh with my hand or do some weird shit with my hands, he does the same, but with elegance and in slow motion.
"Are you okay, Taylor? This strain really does it for you, huh?" Rick chuckled.
I chuckled back and tried to calm down my laughing attack:"It really does! Wait...I think I got it now. I'll just relax. And breathe."
"What are you feeling?" He asked and looked me straight into my eyes.
That look and those words moved something inside me. What am I feeling? Oh, I know. "Well, I'm feeling something for sure." I said and smiled widely, not breaking eye contact. Now that's what I call a genuine smile.
He smiled back:"And what is that something?"
To that, I didn't respond. My smile just became even wider.
"Something." He responded to his own question and smiled.

"Hey, Taylor, can I see whose song is this?" Leo asked and Vic and Oli also looked at me.
"Pink Floyd." Neisha said confused.
"No, I wanna check it." Leo insisted.
"Leo. That's Wish You Were Here. You literally played it on the guitar last week." Rick said in confusion.
Leo didn't know what to say now, so he loudly whispered to Vic:"Co-operate!"
And Vic could barely hold back his laughter:"But, hey. I'm not sure if that's Pink Floyd. It could be Fonsi."
Oli gathered up his fake-acting skills and slapped his own knee:"Oh, fiddlesticks! Vic, don't you know it is Pink Floyd?"
"No, man." Vic said with a fake voice too.
So Oli asked me:"Can I have your phone and show them?"
"Of course." I responded, because I knew they are joking, but I wanted to see where the joke goes.
When he grabbed my phone and showed it to Vic and Leo, their intentions became clear. "Wait, show me again, I didn't see the whole thing." Leo said.
Of course they didn't want to see the song. How could I forget about Neisha's text? Why did I leave it on the locked screen?
"Ahh, I see, I see. Pink Floyd." Vic said and looked at me, then smiled and hinted at Rick.

The next day we decided to go to a concert to Paledale. So I told my mom I'm going with Neisha and she let me go. So we walked there: 10 km and 1 hour and 40 minutes of walking. I literally wrote the whole thing here, but it did not save for some reason and I'm about to throw my iPad through the window. Long story short now, because I was writing for an hour and a half before...
Rick didn't really talk to me, so I was talking to Leo and Oli. I was higher than ever before, so I literally saw a bridge in the middle of the forest where we were smoking. My mind was convinced that it's a bridge and it fucked me up because there was nothing there. Then I started talking to Leo who was high like me and we saw a hole in the road, but it was actually just a tree. Rick couldn't care less.

But what really fucked me up that night was when I heard Jerry and Rick talk:
"Yo, is that your Polish girl?" Rick asked when he saw Jerry's phone wallpaper.
"Yep, that's her." Jerry proudly said.
"Woaaa, what a hottie...do you think you can get one for me?"
"Sure, we'll find you one!"
"Sick...oh my god that black lipstick is so hot...what a babe...I wish I had a girlfriend like her."
Now that made my heart shatter. I felt it in my chest.

The next morning I noticed a text I got after midnight. I thought it's maybe Rick, because they went home at midnight and I went at 10. But no. It was Leo:
"Hey, how are you? You doin' better? Made it home safely? I hope everything's alright...please tell me your mom didn't notice."
And that made me happy but sad. Someone cares...but it's not Rick.

On top of everything....my dad was lying the whole time. My dad's 50 years old and Rick's mom is 37. There are no chances of them being classmates, so he doesn't know her. And saying all the bad stuff about her was pointless...now I see how fucked up my dad really is.

At least y'all won't have to read this book during school...it'll probably end soon.