Orders | Levi Ackerman

34 • Break My Heart Again

- Levi's POV-

Walking away from the little forest, I hear what seems to be muffled sobs from where I had departed from. Knowing it's coming from Mia, i brush them off - completely ignoring the pain it causes my heart.

How could she do this to me ?

Though my usual demeanor consists of me being nonchalant, it didn't stop the ache it caused inside of me.

Seeing the look on her face when I walked away was enough for even me to be sent into hysterics but I had to be strong because I can't let her stupid actions get to me.

But it's hard and the desire to run back to Mia is near impossible to stop. I push forward, avoiding the very thought of her at all. In all honesty I don't know what to think. I'm so utterly conflicted that I feel like I could scream, I'm angry at her and as much as I'd hate to admit - I'm hurt.

I trusted her - for fuck sake I love her.. or well loved her. I just don't understand what I did wrong.. I always knew Eren had a thing for Mia but I never would of guessed she returned the feelings.

I'm so stupid.

I kick the ground i walk over, feeling not even near satisfied as bits of dirt and pebbles fly away.

I feel the emotions building up on me and drop to my knees releasing a heavy sigh. Running my hands through my hair, my chest pains at the thought of Mia - i so desperately want to stop thinking about her for just a second but I find it near impossible.

I really thought she loved me, I really did. I guess I was wrong. A lump began to rise in my throat but as did frustration because of how stupid I am to have let Mia into my heart.

Unable to keep the lump down, I stand up with my chest heaving as I dash back inside the castle. Walking in I notice all eyes on me, but my eyes remain set on the staircase that will take me to my room. Whispers begin to emit from the groups of people but I don't care because all I want to do is run.

" Captain Levi, sir! " Armin erupts, making me stop in my tracks. A large frown forms on my face, why can't I just be left alone. " Do you know where Mia Is ? "

I groan, completely ignoring him and storm off to my room. I shut the door behind me so intensely that it makes the walls vibrate slightly by the sheer force.

I try to make it to my bed but fail as I fall to the floor. I clutch my head in my hands as it feels to heavy to hold up from the dark clouds that now reside in my mind.

" how could you.." I sigh.

It's not fair, it's not fair how the moment I get a glimpse of what happiness is like it gets taken away from me. What did I do to deserve this ?

First with Isabel and Farlan and now with Mia.
It just seems like every time I have something good going on, the universe just takes it away from me. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of fighting so hard for happiness.

' Humanities strongest? ' I scoff at myself, if that was true then how come I become so weak at the mere thought of her. It's not fair.

Suddenly a knock comes from my door, but I refuse to get up, I'm drained and all I want to do is sleep the pain away. Well sleep for as long as I can at least..

" C-captain ? " it's Jean. I let out a huff of annoyance and sit up - though he knows what's going on it doesn't mean that I want him to see me.

" What is it, cadet ? " I sigh, going towards a chair I have in the corner of my room. I sit down feeling an intense strain on my back be released.

" I- I just wanted to say.. " Jean rubs his neck nervously, and i only narrow my eyes at the boy. Jean takes a deep breath almost prepping himself for what he's about to say. " You need to talk to Mia, sir. " he commands, I raise an eyebrow at him and scoff at the idea of having to talk to her.

I fold my arms, staring at the horse standing in my room and before I can ready myself to kick him out, he opens his mouth once more
" Captain Levi, please, I know what she did was wrong but please I know she's sorry. More sorry about this than she's ever been about anything. " he stops talking, as he begins to rub his hands nervously, I start to go over what he said.

I know she's sorry but that doesn't change the fact that she did it. Growing more agitated by the second, I turn my head away completely clearing my mind of the thought of Mia and disregarding the tall man in my room.

" She loves you, you know that right? " he asks, walking closer to me. I scoff once more - dismissing him and his claims.

" Well, you may not believe it, but she does - a lot. " he continues, but I still stare away from him. I don't want to hear this, no matter how true - she hurt me.

" You know, before she was in the scouts, I never saw her smile - not even once. Not with Me and not even with Eren. "

I roll my eyes at the thought of him, Images start to play through my mind of Eren and Mia kissing and i automatically feel sick to my stomach. It feels like everything I went through with Mia was a lie. All the time I spent looking at her drawings, to her and I insulting one another, to the stealing quick looks at each other from the hallways and it was all a lie.

All the love, all the smiles, all the time we spent together - it was all for nothing. To think.. I had thought of all this time being in nothing but darkness that Mia was my light ready to guide me out but now I know, I was wrong and she was nothing but a mere candle melting away - ready to leave me once again in the shadows.

" but the moment she met you.. I would of never of thought that one day I'd be able to see her smile and then when she saw you.. " my ears perk up when he says this, and though I refuse to show my attention towards him, i don't allow myself to stop listening.

" it was like all the bad in the world disappeared when she saw you. Even I believed it because when I see the look on her face every time you enter a room, I know - I know there's hope. " I try to dismiss his words but I can't now, I listen intently but show no emotion on my face. Perhaps he's just covering for Mia but maybe he isn't - maybe Jean is telling the truth here and maybe just maybe she does really love me.

" When Mia's with me, sure she smiles and does the occasional laugh but when she's with you Captain.. she's a completely different person. She isn't Mia without you. "

My heart tugs a little harder when he says that. I love her, I know I do but I can't seem to get past the thought of her and Eren together. It hurts.

" And sir? I know what Mia did was wrong and she probably doesn't have an excuse. " he laughs awkwardly and though he's out of my view I can see him rub his neck awkwardly.

" But corporal, you are the first person that Mia has ever loved. After her parents died she didn't want to care about anyone and she didn't. At least until she met you. "

I focus my gaze onto Jean, in awe of what he's saying. For once I want to believe everything he's saying, and so I do.

" and man - am I thankful for that, because if you didn't happen - then I would of never been able to call her my best friend. So please don't give up on her too. "

I couldn't. Even if I tried.

Suddenly a yearning to see her resurfaces in my mind and all I can think of is her. She's everything to me. I can't lose her - I won't.
No matter what she does , I know, I know it's her who I want.

I let out a light laugh at my stupidity, because how stupid I was to believe that I could convince myself I hate her.

I can never hate her, no matter how many times she breaks my heart.

She's my light - my hope. My blondie.

And with that final thought I dash to the door, but not before saying one final thing.

" Thank you, cadet. "

Jean smiles, saluting me " Anytime, corporal, anytime. "