Orders | Levi Ackerman

58• Withered Flames

— Jeans POV —

"...How long has it been?" Sasha asks, her eyes unwavering from the full plate in front of her she just couldn't bring herself to eat.

I sigh, looking at the empty room and how on any other day it would be filled with the rest of the squad.

" Two years now." Sasha sighs, her hands slightly trembling as the cries from upstairs grow louder.

" I still can't believe they haven't found her body yet. It doesn't make sense." Connie grunts, pushing himself out of his seat. Sasha nods in agreement, but I can't seem too.

The idea of saying it aloud frightens me far more than it should. So instead, I sit up, choosing to head to my own room despite the unbearable noise I'd hear from the wailing of others.

But before I can make it to the door, Sasha obviously frustrated, sits up. " How the hell could Levi just leave her body there?! I mean if he brought her with from the beginning, her body never would of just 'disappeared'"

Infuriated, I turn around, a cruel scowling forming. " Don't you dare blame it on Levi, Sasha. If we had done a better fucking job at watching Mia rather than just Eren we wouldn't be having to look for her body because she'd still be here."

Her eyes fall to the ground, as does Connies. I roll my eyes, still irritated from Sashas poor belief as I exit the room. Not wanting to be there any longer.

I open my room door, shutting it quickly behind me as the sobs from Erens room grows quieter. My eyes drift to the window, the light that I had always been able to see from Mia's window, being unseen.

Perhaps it was wrong for me to assume that this time it would be lit and she'd be in there, but it never fails to stop the hope that it could be...or the pain when it never is.

" It's not fair!" I hear Eren yell, his voice hoarse and strained as I know he's with Mikasa — like he'd been on this very day the last year.

Having no strength to change, I slip under the covers, it's far colder tonight, not surprising, it seems as though everything on this day is. My eyes flicker to the candle present on my nightstand, but when I go to blow it out...I can't seem too.

As when I look into the flame, a memory grows.

Of how Mia had always been afraid of the dark.

And suddenly, I too grow fearful of it. As though if I blew it out, the memory would as well extinguish. And I can't bare the thought.

Erens cries grow louder, I shut my eyes as though it would help shut out the agony in his voice but it fails too. I wish to be strong, as I know if Mia were here, she would be.

But I'm just not her.

My voice cracks, as the pain that begins to emerge in my throat grows more intense. I feel like I've been throw in water and i just can't seem to grasp for air. My lungs begin to burn with the growing pain of the forbidden wails that wish to escape. I cover my head with my pillow, the continuous noise of Erens pain sending shocks to my chest.

I attempt to catch my breath, trying to recall the good days where everyone was still okay. But each time my mind begins to form the smile that Mia held, Erens cries whisk it away.

" It's all my fault..." I hear him whimper, the soft whispers of Mikasa attempting to console him sending chills up my spine.

And so the one thing I didn't wish to recall, begins to play out.

— Flashback —