Orders | Levi Ackerman

64• She's Alive

Authors note-

Thank you all so much for 50 k reads, I'm forever grateful to you incredible people. You have all helped me move forward from such a dark time, and I'm so glad that I'm able to continue writing for you all. I can't for all of us to reach 100 k together, I hope you all share this achievement with me.

Enjoy the chapter.

- Jeans POV -

"Hey!" Sasha smiles, striding into the dinning hall.  I wave, but she couldn't even care to return it. Her eyes immediately fall to the food, she runs towards it, completely forgetting about me.

"....Evening Braus." I sigh, sitting up from my seat. The dinning hall had been quiet today, Connie, Mikasa, Armin and the others hadn't shown.

I chose to believe they had their reasons, perhaps they were training again. But I knew, I knew they would rather spend their times in the solitude of their rooms than with any of us. It was hard, excruciatingly so. Losing Mia, and then Eren when he left was far from easy.

I had never cared much for Eren, that suicidal bastard had irked me since the day we locked eyes. But I cared for how the others were effected, especially how sullen Mikasa had grown.

My hand rested above the doorknob, I couldn't bring myself to open it. There was nothing to expect once I left, nothing to do and no one to see.

A hollowness captivated my chest, and suddenly I couldn't bring myself to even turn back to the tables. Instead, I just lingered. Choosing to leave my drunken heart swirling on the sober memories of Mia.

If she were here, I wouldn't feel this way, no one would. If she were here, silence wouldn't be our answer to the unsaid questions. And god, I know if Mia was alive my heart wouldn't feel so swollen.

Finally, I unlock the door, carefully walking out. The cool air of the open windows greets me, sending chills down my spine. After Mia, i had grown to love the night. Prior to the passing, i had never gave the moon much thought.

But, when I saw the way Levi looked at it, it was all I could think of. A part of me believed he still had hope she survived, it was unlikely, after all, he held her while she died, but the way he looked at it...there was something,

Something so wishful.

I saw him read over her sketchbook over, and over again. Even after all these years, he nor I could let her die...even if she actually had.

I hated how I couldn't move past it. It was unfair. The exhausting hue that rested on my shoulders each and every day was relentless. I'd look at Connie, Sasha and the others and find myself envious of their position. They were all happy, despite the trauma the battles brought and the agony they had faced, when they smiled, they meant it.

I doubt they spent their nights wide awake, I doubt their time was consumed by the overwhelming misery of a girls passing. Why couldn't I be like them? Why did it seem that each of my friends had to leave me behind?

If Eren were here, hell even Levi, they'd both tell me to shut up. They'd tell me to get a grip, and to stop pitying myself. I knew they felt it harder, in ways I never could. I knew Levi spent his nights sleepless, pained with a sinking heart and a deep mind.

So, if there was something to be glad about...it was that I wasn't him. No muscle in my body could hold the weight of loss, not in the way he did.

" Jean!"

" Commander Hange Zoë!" I salute, immediately snapping out of my thoughts.

She bends over, her chest heaving. Her cheeks were bright red, and her eyes glistened with an overwhelming solemnness that not many could
possess. The wind blew again, this time blowing both our hairs back.