cover me // joshler

one

It was one of those nights. 

Tyler laid awake, looking up at the ceiling. He was praying, begging whoever was listening to be saved.

Tyler hasn't had the easiest life, he was in a household of constant fighting, and abuse. His parents were always fighting, threatening to leave each other. All Tyler could hear was their screaming. 

Tyler had 3 other siblings he lived with, and they were all close, but none of them really got along with him. His brothers Zack and Jay always beat up on him, and were never really there for him.

He had a sister, Madison, but she never was really close with Tyler. She was closer to the others. 

Tyler had nobody else in his life, sure he had grandparents and aunts and uncles, but they never came around a lot. And Tyler didn't have any of their phone numbers, So it wasn't like he could call any of them up and talk to them about it. 

Now that he thought of it, He never had a home. Sure, he had a house with a roof over his head and food on the table, but that doesn't make a home. 

A home is somewhere you should feel safe, have your most treasuring memories, a place you know you can go after a rough day and just relax, forgetting it all. A place where the people you love the most and that love you the most are, the ones that you can trust with anything, and not be afraid of judgement.

Tyler's "Home" never had any of that. He never felt safe or happy, never felt like he could relax there. His family never cared about him, his siblings would judge him, the 3 always ganging up on him and doing whatever they can to hurt him; weather that be physically or mentally. His parents didn't care, they were always working, and if they weren't they were fighting with each other. 

He didn't know why they wouldn't just get a divorce already, spare him of the screaming. 

There were only two places you would find Tyler, home or school. He hated his "home", so school could be an escape for him right? Somewhere he could go for a break, right?

Wrong. 

Tyler absolutely despised school. He had no friends, nobody there talked to Tyler unless absolutely necessary. Tyler wasn't exactly the approachable type. He was always in black, always had a sad and distressed look on his face. 

It wasn't Tyler's fault, he was in a deep state of depression, he had nobody, he hated the two places he had to be at. There was no joy to him, no escape. 

Well.. there always is an escape.

That thought had always come into Tyler's mind, especially after the absolute worst days. When he felt he had nothing to live for, nothing made him happy. But even after those, even after Tyler had gotten the pills, or the razor blade, or even the gun his father keeps in the garage, he could never bring himself to do it. 

He has this small bit of hope in the back of his mind that someday, things will get better. 

But today, definitely wasn't that day. 

He heard the screaming coming from downstairs, he heard the banging and the breaking of glass, he could only imagine what was going on down there.

He got out of bed, quietly walking down the hallway. He was able to make out some of the conversation. 

"Look at him! He's failing his math class, he's so depressed all the time! Hell, I can't even remember the last time I've seen him smile," His dad yelled. Tyler gulped, they were fighting about him.

"And this is my fault because? It's not my fault our son is a fuck up!" He heard his mom say. 

That hit Tyler's chest like a ton of bricks, his own parents didn't think he was good enough. 

"Maybe if you'd actually stop for a second and discipline the kid, you're not raising him Kelly, you let him do whatever the hell he wants!"

"Oh, and where are you? At work all of the time?" 

"I need to work my ass off, because you won't get off yours, and get a job!" 

Tyler had had enough. He turned around with tears in his eyes and ran up the stairs. On his way up, he heard talking and laughter, and saw it was coming from Zack's room. 

He walked over and cracked it open a bit, seeing Jay, Zack, and Madison all sitting on the carpet. They were laughing and talking, drowning out the sound of the fighting parents. 

All without Tyler. 

Tyler needed this.He needed someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone to be there for him. What? He wasn't even good enough for his own siblings? What was wrong with him, what was so bad about him? Why couldn't he just be good enough?

Tyler walked away, and into his bedroom. He shut the door and laid down on the bed, letting out sobs. He cried and buried his head in his pillow. 

He didn't know how much more he could take. 

He reached over, grabbing his phone and earbuds, plugging them in, putting on music, the one that was always there for him. 

He fell asleep, with tear stains on his face, and loud music playing in his ears.