cover me // joshler

four

Now came lunch, and for most kids this was their favorite time of the school day, but not for Tyler. 

He didn't have any friends to sit with, so he just sat alone, getting weird looks from other kids. 

As Tyler made his way to the lunch room he kept his head down, just looking at his beat up sneakers.  He hated walking down the halls, everyone hated him so what was the point?

But school was his only escape from his home life

well there always is one escape...

Tyler shook his head, he needed to get that thought out of his head, he couldn't give up that easily. 

He made it down the stairs and through the hallway, he made it to  the lunch room at sat at the very edge of one of the tables. 

Tyler sat with his head down and just started eating his food, he always packed a red bull, an apple, and a bag of chips or something like that. 

He opened his red bull can and started eating his apple, he glanced at the clock, only 27 more minutes until lunch was over, but then he still had 3 more classes..

3 more classes.. he could do this. 

26 minutes...

he took another bite out of his apple.

3 more classes..

bite.

26 minutes.

3 more classes.

70 more years

"fuck this, I can't do this.." he muttered and got up, he threw his uneaten food away and went to the nurse's office. 

"I don't feel well, I threw up in the bathroom.." He half lied.

Maybe he didn't throw up in the bathroom, but he didn't feel well, and because nobody took mental  health seriously, he needed a reason why he didn't feel well. 

"Let me take your temperature," the nurse said. 

This angered Tyler, did it have to be a physical illness? Did this school not give a shit about mental health?

Tyler opened his mouth, the nurse put the thermometer below his tongue and waited. Tyler was freaking out the whole time, his temperature was going to be normal, and the nurse was going to have to tell him nothing was wrong with him and he'd have to go back to class and live through this for another few hours and then for the next three days until a two day break but then five more days over and over until the summer but that's only a three month break and during that three month break he'll have to be at his home and he hates his home but there's no way out there's no way out there's no way out there's no way out. 

"Mr. Joseph, are you okay?" 

Tyler started trembling, his breathing picked up and his heart rate was increasing. 'it's happening again..'

Tyler's rapid breathing caused the thermometer to fall out and he leaned back into the chair gripping onto the handles as he kept hyperventilating and gasping for breaths, all these terrible thoughts caused him to burst out into a sob, he sobbed heavily in between gasps and tears streamed down his face. 

God he was such a mess, he wanted to tell the nurse everything that was going on, he hated his home life, he hated his school life, he hated life. He had nobody, he needed somebody he needed help. 

Tyler was so tired, he just needed sleep, the room was spinning and he leaned back, his vision blurring as he fell asleep. 

- 

When Tyler woke up, he was laying down, he had an ice pack on his head and the nurse was in the corner of the room, she was talking to someone, he just closed his eyes, the lights above him were bright, too bright for his eyes. 

"I just don't know what to do with him." 

Tyler's eyes busted open and he bolted up, the ice pack falling onto his legs and his head spinning from how fast he sat up. He recognized that voice, it was his mom's.

"Tyler, honey you're up!" The nurse said walking over, how are you feeling, drink some water," she said handing him a glass. 

Tyler took the glass in his shaking hands and he looked over at his mother who did not look so happy. 

He just looked at his feet and took a small sip of the water, he really didn't feel like dealing with his mom right now, he couldn't wait to hear their conversation in the car. 

"Tyler, what's wrong with you?" His mother's disappointed voice said from the other side of the room. 

Oh, look at that, she wasn't going to even wait until the car ride.

"What do you mean?" he mumbled still looking down at his feet while taking another delicate sip of the water. 

"Why are you like this? You're failing your classes, you aren't into any sports, you're always so sad and miserable all of the time, I feel like you're a stranger, and I'm your mother! Why can't you just be like Zack or Jay? They both have straight A's, they're both into sports, they both have girlfriends! I haven't seen you bring anyone home! Not even friends!" She said. 

Tyler kept his head down, of course she was doing this right now. Because everything he did was just terrible, he was such a disgrace to the entire family for struggling right? 

His hands started to tremble again and his breathing picked up.

"Okay, Ms. Joseph, I think it's best for you to take Tyler home and let him rest, he hasn't had the best day," She interrupted, before she could make Tyler freak out even more. 

Tyler looked up at the nurse with almost pleading eyes. Read my mind, I need help. I'm suffering, nobody understands, please... 

Tyler's mom shook hear head. "Tyler has a D in math and a C in history, no way. He is going to his classes and hopefully going to learn something!" she said. 

The nurse looked at Tyler, he was on the verge of another panic attack which was so obvious to tell. It was times like this that Tyler wondered, why should I stay alive? I am never going to find peace.

"Tyler, what's your next class?" she asked him in a soft calming voice, Tyler liked her voice instead of his mother's loud booming one. 

"E-english.." he said in a soft shaky voice. "What does he have in English Ms. Joseph?"

She sighed, "Look, I'm late for work just- Tyler, go home. But you better be asleep when I get home. Rest." She said getting up and storming out of the school.