untitled
the past few days have been hard. I didn't write over break in fear of someone finding this journal.
somehow, my family found out about you. I don't know how.
I don't know what I'm saying, lets move on.
so, the last few days have been really emotional, I guess. I've been thinking a lot. I decided about a week ago that I wanted to give this journal to you for Christmas.
I had a bit of an episode two days ago. It made me want to give up on giving this to you or writing it anymore. I kept thinking,
"what's the point? if no feelings are reciprocated (which I'm sure they aren't), then why would I want to tell you that I love you? Just to make you uncomfortable? To make you distance yourself more?"
I talked to (c.l) who calmed me down, and made me realize the entire reason why I've made this journal.
it's not for me.
yes, I started it to write all my thoughts and feelings down. but in the end, I realize it's for you.
it's for you to read the way I feel about you, so that you know (and maybe are comforted) by the fact that someone is capable of loving you, and that someone is capable of seeing how amazing you truly are.
I know it sounds cheesy.
but this journal is something for you to pick up when you feel crappy about yourself, to read my words, and to see that you are perfect.
at least to me you are.
yes, before I met you I never used to cry. it made me feel weak. but you make me feel so many things, and I'm so scared. they're overwhelming.
it's not bad, me crying. because I cry over you for a reason.
I cry over you because I envy how good you are. I say you're perfect, you may not think that. yes, you have flaws, but someone asked me yesterday to tell them what I hate about you.
I couldn't think of anything to reply with.
I cry over you because I see the good in you that you don't see. so, like I said, this journal is meant to show you that you mean the absolute world to someone. not to make you feel bad, not to force you to like me...
......now back to our regularly scheduled program..
YOU ARE READING
words to you, my muse
Romanceyou said you liked my writing. so here's a journal full of it. ================================ read with an open mind. all words/entries are written by me unless stated otherwise.
