Rainbow of Gray (Destiel)

Chapter 3: Denial

Dean stood there clutching his hand that was still tingling slightly from touching Cas. He watched as Castiel ran away and the room started to dull. The decorations grew more depressing and the flowers just looked dead.

Dean couldn't help but feel sad, that the wonderful colors he saw before were gone. A small part of him wished Cas would come back. He now understood why Soul Mates stayed so close together.

He jumped when he felt a faint buzzing in his pocket. Dean stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out the ringing phone and checked who it was.

Lisa, crap, Dean thought as he pressed answer and held the phone up to his ear.

He took a deep breath before speaking, calming himself as he greeted her on the phone. "Hey Lisa, how are you feeling?" he said nonchalantly, trying to keep the shaking out of his voice.

"Hey!" Lisa's voice said on the other end of the line. Dean could tell their was a smile on hey face as she spoke and he grinned. "I'm doing great actually. If it's ok with you, the doctor told me it's ok for me to leave and I need someone to pick me up."

Dean blanked and then remembered he was supposed to bring Lisa home once the doctors cleared her. "Uh, yeah I'll be there in," he glanced down at his watch, "about 30 minutes. Does that sound good to you?" he answered, fiddling with the white tablecloth.

"Sounds great! I can't wait to see you. I love you, bye," she said ending the conversation.

"Love you too, Lis," Dean said back quietly. He clicked the End Call button and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

He scanned the crowd looking for his brother and found him with Jess sitting in his lap, grinning. Dean made his way over, weaving through guests and tables, finally getting to Sam.

"Hey, Lisa needs someone to pick her from the hospital." Dean said when he reached his brother. "Mind if I check out for the night?"

Sam looked away from Jess and turned his focus on Dean. "Yeah, go do what you gotta do," Sam said. He held Jess by the waist and smiled at her. His bow tie was ruffled and his cheeks rosy from the celebratory champagne.

Dean rolled his eyes and got up, knowing exactly what Sam was going to be doing tonight. 

He weaved through the partygoers again and stopping by some roses Jess picked to decorate the doorway. The faint memory of the feisty color they had been when he touched Cas danced in his mind. Dean pushed the thought aside, scolding himsekf. He should be in his car, driving to pick up his girlfriend. Not thinking about some man he'd been Souled to.

Dean made his way across the dark parking lot, picking up his pace when he saw his black Impala parked comfortably under a tree. He grimaced and brushed at some leaves that had fallen on his baby's windshield and unlocked the door. He climbed inside, glad to be in the familiar leather seats of the Impala than in that crowded reception party. The engine purred when he turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the parking lot, towards the hospital.

Castiel Novak was having possibly the worst night of his life. His knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel in one hand, his other was clutching the cross necklace that he'd had since he was a child.

His childhood wasn't exactly something he wanted to think about. Growing up in a big family was hard, especially when you were the youngest. With a drunk for a dad and a strict, religious woman for a mother, his life was no picnic. Faith and Family was what they lived by, and almost no exceptions. Cas would come home from school, do his homework and read the Bible. All of his brothers and sisters were happy to do it, following their mother's rules wholeheartedly and without complaining. Except for Cas. He'd always been the runt of his family. Never praying hard enough, sleeping sometimes in church, small things that got him scolded. Most of the time, it was him standing up to his father whenever he struck at Mom. Usually it was him who got beatings for doing so.

Once, when he was ten, he'd gone outside to the garden and watched the bees all afternoon, marveling at the little charcoal and black stripes that decorated their little bodies, and lost track of time. When Uriel found him, he slapped him across the face and told him to go back to his room finish reading the Bible, like he was supposed to.

The only good memory he had was of his brother, Gabriel. He too, stood up to Dad whenever he could, defending Cas when it got too rough. Cas smiled, remembering Gabe's secret jar of candy he kept under the bed. Sometimes, when he found Cas crying in his room, Gabriel would pick him up and give him some candy, telling him that it would be over soon, once he was old enough to move away.

A few years later, Gabriel had had enough and Cas found him packing his bags in the middle of the night. He'd asked Cas to come with him and escape this Hell hole but he refused. He remembered Gabe reaching under his bed and pulling out the candy jar and handing it to him, telling him to keep it safe and have a lollipop once in a while when he was gone. And then he left.

Cas had made contact with him a few years later and Gabriel explained he was having the time of his life somewhere in California, running some Swedish chocolate delight shop.

Now Cas lived in a small apartment with his siblings, Anna and Zachariah.

He pulled his car into the lot and parked it not too far away from the complex. He hopped out after turning off the engine and made his way up the steps toward his apartment. He fumbled for the key inside his suit pocket and grabbed it, forcing it into the rusty key hole.

"Zach!" Cas called out, his voice searching for his older brother. "I'm back!" He dropped his keys on the counter and shoved off his black jacket, hanging it on the coat rack that rested by the door.

He walked into the living room and found Zach sitting on their plush, medium gray couch. He was clearly engrossed in a book about a man who finds God in a tough time or something like that. The bookshelf in the corner of the kitchen was lined with books that had the same synopsis.

"Hey," Cas said, nudging Zach's knee. "I'm home."

He jumped and looked up a smile spreading across his face. "Hey Cassie! Was the wedding fun?" Zach glanced down at his watch and confusion crossed his colored face. "You're home pretty early. And where's Anna?"

Cas averted his eyes, his face turning charcoal as he became flustered. "I um, the food made me sick. I need to lay down for a while." Cas turned and walked briskly around the coffee table, toward his room. "Say hi to Anna for me when she comes back!" He called, looking briefly over his shoulder and ignoring the puzzled look on Zach's face.

When Cas got to his room, he shut the door and sighed. This couldn't have happened to him. Being Souled to a man had to be punishment for...something.

Cas loosened his tie and took it off, tossing it on his nightstand. After changing into more comfortable clothing he got down on his knees looking up at the dull silver cross that rested above his head. He clasped his hands together, closed his eyes, and started to pray.

Lord, he began. why have you done this to me? I've tried so hard to serve you. I know I have strayed but I've tried my best, honestly. Is this my path? Do I go along with the life you have put in front of me? Or do I follow with the word of the Bible?

Cas opened his eyes and looked at the cross, almost expecting an answer to be engraved in the dulled silver. He sighed and closed his eyes, saying Amen and standing up.

He flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He wondered what color it would be if Dean were here. Would the quiet and comfortable apartment explode with color like at the wedding? Or be mismatched and out of sync?

His thoughts went back to that moment with Dean, when they were touching and the colors were the brightest. Cas remembered looking into his eyes and being stunned that they were amazingly bright. Beautiful. The color of the granny smith candy apples on the dessert table at the wedding. Castiel let his eyelids droop, the last thing on his mind were Dean's mysterious eyes.