The Independency: A Star Wars Story

The Decision

     Lin was not able to sleep that night. She excused herself from her and Ben's room, and wandered the halls of the ship. Her thoughts raced at the speed of light, and some of these thoughts included: "I'm an idiot!", "Should I stay with him?", "Leia needs me!", "I'm so selfish!", and "I love him."

     Never could she ever admit to her beloved Ben that she loved him, because everyone she had ever said she had truly loved had died. Some of the people who she had loved were slaughtered by the man she was in love with now!

     'No...' Lin thought to herself. 'Kylo did those things, not my Ben.' But she had once admired Kylo as she now admired Ben, and God, she felt guilty. Was she really going to desert her Independents for 'love'? Deep down, Lin knew that Kylo and Ben were the same person, but she so very much wanted to believe that she brought out the best in Ben, that he really did love her, and that he wasn't just trying to manipulate Lin into staying with the First Order so he could have control over her.

     While Lin did not want to desert her Independents, she knew she would not have to, since her soldiers vowed to always follow her, even if it was back to the First Order.

     Perhaps Lin could stay with Ben, but also still lead her soldiers. She could separate the Independents from the Resistance, but also keep the Independents separate from the First Order! The Independency could go back to be its own independent(pun intended)organization, and Lin could give her soldiers instructions through holographic messages. Ben would never need to know that the Independency still existed.

     Yes, yes! She had created the best solution that allowed her to stay with Ben, care for him, love him, and as awful as it seemed...control him. She never desired power over anyone or anything, but Lin knew that she would have to have some power over Ben in order to convince him to make the First Order's political system into a democracy. Sure, Ben had already said that he would change the dictatorship into a democracy, but Lin had to hold him to his word.

     Oh, God, what was she doing? She had been told that love made people do irrational things, but this was far beyond irrational. She had changed so much in those last few weeks. How long had she even been a prisoner? She counted in her mind.

     She'd been on the ship for five weeks and one day. Thirty-six days. Eight-hundred-and-sixty-four hours.Three-million-one-hundred-and-ten-thousand-and-four-hundred seconds. It seemed so much longer than that, like she had been with Ben for months. At first, she had been strong, defiant, powerful, respected, wise, kind, loyal, and beautiful inside, but now she was weak, subordinate, powerless, disrespected, foolish, cold, disloyal, and ugly on the inside. Lin thought back to all the times that Ben had hurt her. He had left scars on her body. Why did she loves him? Was this just a case of Stockholm Syndrome? She really was just a puppy on a leash: she always went back to Ben.

     Lin's heart felt like lead, and her mouth tasted like glue. She could feel hot tears brewing in her eyes, and her knees became so weak that she had to use a wall to support herself. It was there against the bleach-white walls that Lin composed herself, wiped her face of her tears, put on her brave face, and made three promises to herself:

     1. She would not be made weak from love.

     2. She would still fight for what she knew to be moral.

     3. She would live a quiet, normal life after the war.

     Lin relaxed and took a few deep breaths, then entered the room next to her, which was a basic training room. Wooden and iron staffs lined the walls, and a few practice dummies were placed in the room in standing positions. Lin took a wooden staff off the wall and practiced a few basic attacks in the corner of the large room, when suddenly a trooper rushed in and slammed the door behind him. Lin's body tensed. She didn't know why anyone besides her would be in here so late.