invisible ➳ hemmings au

letter five

february 3rd

dear luke,

i think i'm going to make it to a habit to write letters to you. it's kind of like my therapy.

it's currently 3 am and i've been crying the entire night. i wished you would throw rocks on my window like that song you used to sing to me.

it's been a hell of a week.

things haven't been good at home.

i came home the other day and found my mom staring at one of our photos. it was a picture of you and i when our families went to the beach three years ago. i did not know why my mom was crying. all i could hear was that she misses me. i think she missed the old me. i missed the old me. the old me has been gone for a long time now. it feels like my entire life is buried six feet under. i don't even know where to look for the old me. no matter what i do, i just cannot seem to find her. i've changed in so many ways and i just wish you could see. i haven't had a real conversation with my mom after we supposedly, "broke up" and i think she's really depressed.

my dad has been away on bussines trips a lot and rarely comes home. i'm starting to think he's been having an affair and is using those trips as an excuse to cheat on my mom.

you think i'd still be close to my little sister? well you thought wrong. ellie and i don't really talk that much anymore. she always has her friends over and when they're not in our house, she'd be out with them. she's kind of what i used to be and i envy her for that. i think we don't talk much anymore because of those teenager phases wherein they hate their older sisters. i don't know. my family's been weird.

things have also haven't been good in school.

piper moved away to canada with her mom without even saying goodbye. i remember that we were supposed to have this party for her but she left before we could even throw her one.

you'd think sara would still stick with me? after you left me, we've kinda stopped talking about the things we used to. and when piper left, she stopped talking to me all of a sudden, it's like she only hung out with me because of you and piper and when you all left me, she left too. i mean why would anyone want to hang out with an ugly loser like myself?

now i understand why you left me. i didn't reach your standards. i'm not beautiful or skinny enough to be seen with.

why me luke? you could've never talked to me in your entire life. you could've never asked me out if you were just gonna leave. so why? did you want me to suffer? did i do anything bad to you to make you hate me so much that you wanna ruin my life?

if that was your goal in life and if it made you happy then congratulations,

you've succeeded.

x

this probs sucked and i don't know why i've started updating omg
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