"Yeah, they're going to keep her here for the next few days." I say on the phone later that night.
...
"Yeah, Ethan's in there with her right now." I whisper looking through the small door window.
...
"No, Alex I understand. I'll be fine. Mom and dad said they'd drop by later on. I won't be alone all night."
...
"Hey don't be. It's okay."
...
"I love you too. Night Alex." I say then end the call and walk back into the room.
"Hi mommy, Ethan was just reading me the Polar Express."
"Was he now?" I ask and he smiles as she nods.
"Well that is very nice of him." I say looking over at Ethan.
"When do I get to go back home mommy?"
"Baby, the nurses want you to stay here for a few days so they can keep an eye on you."
"Oh, are you staying?"
"Of course I am baby, I'm not going anywhere." I say and she nods.
"Are you?" She asks Ethan and I look over at him.
"No baby Ethan has to go back h-
"Of course I will." He cuts me off and I look back at him with a smile.
"Yay! We can have a slumber party."
"We sure can baby." I say and she grins.
~~
Four hours later and Josie is finally asleep and it's just Ethan and I sitting in the small hospital room.
"You really don't have to stay tonight. I'm sure there are plenty of other places you'd rather be."
"I'm happy to stay Olivia." He says and I nod.
"Okay, well then thank you."
"Stop thanking me." He says with a smile and I nod.
"Okay." I say and he smirks.
"Besides, who doesn't want to spend their Friday night in a hospital room?" He asks and I crack a smile.
"Ah there's that smile." He says and I nod grabbing a blanket.
"Want some?" I ask
"Yeah, sure." He says and I throw half the blanket over him then look over at Josie as she sleeps soundly and hugs her stuffed animal to her chest.
"She has acute liver failure."
"What?"
"Josie, that's what she's sick with."
"I'm so sorry Olivia."
"We need a donor and transplant fast. Too fast." I whisper feeling a tear fall down my cheek.
"You just gotta have hope Olivia, hope that there is a liver out there."
"That's what everyone keeps saying. Have hope." I say with a slight laugh as I wipe away another tear.
"Do you not believe in hope?"
"I did a long time ago, until I lost sight of it when I lost my husband." I say slowly and look over at him.
"Alex mentioned Josie's father wasn't in the picture anymore." He says and I nod.
"He's not, he was ripped from it. Three, almost four, years ago."
"How? If you don't mind me asking." He says gently and I wipe away more tears.
"Car crash. Around this same time actually. He was rushed to the hospital for major loss of blood, jammed neck, broken leg, shattered wrist, and fractured ribs. The second day he was in the hospital, he seemed to be doing better, third day too, however that same night he flatlined. His heart just suddenly stopped beating. Took them a whole week to realize he had a blood clot in his heart that caused it to stop." I whisper, my voice catching as the memory tares at me.
"I'm so sorry Olivia." He says and I nod.
"It was three years ago." I say putting on my 'Strong Facade' like I've always done.
"Still doesn't make it any easier." He says and that takes me by surprise as I look up at him.
"No, it doesn't." I whisper and he pushes hair behind my ear then meets my eyes. Caught up in all the emotion and pain and uncertainties, I lean forward to kiss him and pause as a little voice calls my name.
"Uh yes baby?" I ask quickly moving away from Ethan and walking over to Josie.
"I don't feel good."
"Are you going to throw up?" I ask and she nods.
"Okay." I whisper then grab a trashcan. She leans her head over it and my heart aches as she starts to cry and cough.
"I'll go get a nurse." I hear Ethan say and I nod hearing the door open and shut.
"It's okay baby." I whisper rubbing her back.
Soon the door opens back up and I look over as the nurse from earlier walks in.
"Aw." She says walking over. I move back as she finishes helping Josie. I can't watch her in this pain anymore.
"I'm going to go take a walk." I whisper and Ethan and the nurse both nod as I quickly leave the room. I run out of the hospital and fall against the rail sobbing and trying to catch my breath. I fall into a squat and lean my head against the rail taking a deep breath. Slowly I turn and sit on the cement ground, hyperventilating, it feels. I try to calm my breathing as I pull my knees to my chest and drop my head to them. My breathing finally slows and on shaking legs I stand up and lean against the rail. I look up at the moon and just try to wrap my mind around everything. The pain in my chest undeniable the more I realize there is nothing I can do for my daughter, absolutely nothing.
The door opens and I look over as Ethan walks out.
"Figured I'd find you out here." He says gently wrapping a blanket around me.
"Thank you." I whisper as he moves beside me.
"The nurse is changing out Josie's fluids."
"Okay, good." I say looking over at him and he nods. The elephant in the room is obvious and I sigh knowing I should say something about it.
"Look Ethan about earlier, I just I was caught up in all the emotion, and I-
"Hey, you don't need to explain yourself. It's okay." He says and I nod as he gently turns me to face him.
"When all of this isn't going on, maybe then, we'll give it a try." He whispers and I nod then lean against him. He wraps his arms around me and I take a deep breath, breathing in his scent.
"How about we go back in? The nurse should be just about done." He says and I nod as he takes my hand and leads me back inside.
~~~~~~~~~
