Ghosts in the Pumpkin Soup

Chapter 4: Caffeinated Justice

Coffee, the celestial beings's gift of giving us a way to say 'fuck you!' to those unwanted early mornings. Well—unwanted wakes for the underfolk. We join James and Crowsblood, who are sitting at a small table outside the local underworld coffee shop drinking—well, coffee. Crows were scattered about, picking away at whatever left overs the underworld hipsters discarded.

"Ye're a grade-A dumb ass, bro." Crowsblood said with a queer amusement in his voice.

"You mean the room fire?" James took an awkward sip of his coffee.

Can you guess what flavor? Pumpkin. It's pumpkin.

"Nay, that was funny."

"It's going to be awhile before the 3rd degree burns on my genitals go away."

"Poor Jimmy..."

They mourned in silence.

James took note that Crowsblood's hair was made of straw. "So if your hair is made out of straw, does that mean...?" James made a gesture toward Crowsblood's crotch.
Crowsblood stared right into James's eyes as he reached down into his pants. After a quick jerking motion, Crowsblood revealed a hand full of straw.

"Oh so—" before James could finish his statement, Crowsblood blew the pubic straw into his face—resulting in a comedic flailing of limbs.

James almost leaped out of his skin when Luna brushed past him. "Let's try this one last time," she said.

Luna stopped in her tracks when she saw James wiping straw pubes off his face. Crowsblood re-adjusted his junk, almost falling out of his chair in laughter.

"On second thought..." she turned to leave.

"No, wait!" James grabbed onto Luna's wrist.

Luna shrieked when she saw the straw pubes on James's hand and slapped him hard across his stupid face. This time Crowsblood fell out of his chair in hysteria.

"Why you do dis'?" James asked, rubbing his cheek.

Luna grabbed hold of his shoulders as tightly as she could. "Listen." It took every ounce of her strength not to smear his face on the pavement. "Listen, look at me. I'm up here. Hi. I'm a friend of Crowsblood. The reason you two are here now. We need to teach you how to unlock your aura if you have any hope of surviving down here."

Crowsblood quelled his laughter and pulled himself back into his chair. "Ye're forgettin' an important detail, love." Crowsblood picked up his coffee, which surprisingly hasn't been knocked over yet. "We need te' take 'im to The Man with the Lavender Tie!" Crowsblood said as dramatically as possible. All that was missing were two black bars above and below his eyes.

"Fuck." Luna laughed nervously.

"Man with the Lavender Tie?" James asked.

"Since ye're of midworld birth, ye' soul ain't naturally attuned te' magic an' whatnot." Crowsblood said.

"Anyone can unlock their aura, but usually through years of intense training. And after that is even more years of intense training to strengthen their aura." Luna explained. "Only The Man with the Lavender Tie is powerful enough to unlock a midworlder's aura quickly, but you still gotta train," she took a seat next to the scarecrow.

"Sounds like a whole thing. I don't know." James attempted to scoop his spilled coffee with his soggy cup.

"That 'ole thing' is what's gonna keep ye' from dyin'." Crowsblood reached into one of his many pockets and flung a piece of flesh to a wandering crow.