Life Is Ecstacy - Yoongi FF

Epilogue

It's news years eve. Everyone is celebrating before counting down the seconds to the new year.
There are people with friends, family, loved ones...
They are smiling and laughing, not paying me any attention as I lock my duffle bag filled with only lyrics and unfinished stories to the railing of the bridge I am on.
They didn't give me a second glance as I get up onto the railing myself, turned away from the excitement and looking down into the wide, fast moving expanse of the river.

"Ten!"
Everyone shouted with glee as I look down into the abyss of the water that will carry me away to my death.

"Nine!"
They shout as I think about how I got here... Why I need to be here.

"Eight!"
I think of the police finding my body washed up, but they'll be able to identify me.

"Seven!"
I got a tattoo of my name, when I will jump and die, and the location of where I jumped on my back a few weeks ago, when I made up my mind.

"Six!"
Not that it matters. They aren't going to find anyone I relate to. I have no family. No friends. Not anymore...

"Five!"
I think back to a time when I didn't know right from wrong. Back when I didn't even know I was happy and I wish for it back.

"Four!"
I know now that my being here, in this world, means nothing. That I will never be happy again.

"Three!"
I will never have love or have meaning.

"Two!"
I will never be able to save myself. I will never find comfort. All there is for me is sadness and that's no way to live...

"One!"
I fall forwards, into the river. A tear leaving my face a silent goodbye to this world.

But instead I feel my outstretched arm pulled away, causing my body to lurch backwards, my body hitting the concrete.

All of a sudden I see color. A world so bright and big and filled with opportunities. I hear the music, the laughter, the screams filled with joy, the firework display.

I see my life play backwards, see my little brother running over to dad with our little westie terrier running by his side. I see my first day of school and I see the girls who would bully me even though I treated them like family. I see the car crash that tore my family apart.

I see my grandparents joint funeral and my abusive uncle.
I see the taxi I took the night I ran away to the airport taking the first plane I could into New York City. I see the raggedy flat I stayed in and saw the strip club I worked in so I could get food on the table.

Then it all stops and I feel arms envelop me against a strong chest as someone whispers a language I don't understand into my ears.
It's a man's voice. His voice is warm and husky, and speaking as if trying to convince me of something even though I can't understand.

The beauty of this world hits me all at once in a blast of smoke and I start to cry.
An embarrassing gesture to do in front of the person who has just saved my life but right now I'm feeling too much.

Hatred for this man for ruining my escape from a world I don't deserve.
Gratitude for him saving my life.
Sadness at what I could of done.
Shame for not jumping when I had the chance.
Everything was too much.

So I clutch onto this strangers shirt and I cry as he sits me up, into his crossed legs, his back against the railing of the bridge.
His strokes my hair and keeps whispering.

I don't understand him, but I think he's speaking in Korean. A language I was supposed to learn in school but never really got into.

I continue to cry.
He continues to hold me.
I don't even remember falling asleep.

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Okay, so this was the introduction. I'm really sorry that's it's both too short and so heavy but I wanted to give you guys a bit of a taste of what is wrong here and how I'm going about this story.

Just incase you get triggered easy, please tell me if I'm laying it on too thick. I will be using my experience with depression as a kind of reference.

Thank you for reading this story.
💖