I'm Looking Through You // Mclennon

guilt

The next morning I awoke before John was able to. He was still fast asleep over my arm... Which, I guess, had also fallen asleep during the night with us, being it feels like there are beads stuck inside of it.

I sat up, ensuring that I didn't wake the sleeping beauty, and I shook my arm awake. My eyes were filled with sleep still, yet I felt so genuinely alive. The world around me felt brighter and more... human. Everything felt at ease for once in my life. My head buzzed around in joy when I remembered the events that took place last night in this very bed...
and I don't mind it. I'm just happy to-

My thoughts were soon interrupted by the faint ringing of a telephone down the hallway. I quickly rushed out and saw the phone practically ringing off of the hook. It probably isn't my place to answer it and I should honestly just let it ring. But a part of me was intrigued.

"...Hello?" I answered the call, sleepily.

"Paul! Oh, Paul, gosh it's been forever since we've last spoken!" Linda's voice rang out as soon as I answered her call.

Shit.

"Oh! Hello my... darling, how are we this morning?" I asked, twirling the phone line nervously in between my fingers.

"Lovely! But... I haven't heard from you in so long, I couldn't help but be worried sick. How is John, by the way?"

"John? He's dead asleep, still. Ye know how he is..." I replied in a shakey tone.

"You're right about that one. Whenever he stayed over, he'd be the last to wake up!" Linda laughed.

Yeah... he always seems to sleep peacefully when I'm around. Yet the second I went, he seems to have changed so much.

As the conversation dragged along, I soon felt guilt pooling around in my stomach. Anxiety shot through every limb in my body until I was a shakey mess. My voice sounded off and my responses to my wife were delayed as my mind trailed into darker places.

What the Hell am I to do?

"Ah... anyway, I better let you go. It's rather early over there. Get some breakfast. Please remember to ring me sometime, okay, love?"

"Alright, Lin, I'll talk to ye soon." I tried to get the call to end quicker.

"...I love you, Paulie."

Just as those words hit my ear, John was standing down the hallway with messy hair and only boxers on.

He looked so gorgeous standing there... His bare chest only covered by a thin layer of body hair. And his thighs...

"Bye." I slammed the phone down on the table.

John rubbed his sleepy eyes as he walked over, "Who was that?"

A part of me wanted to lie straight to his face, but I just couldn't. "That... That was Linda."

"Oh, God." John groaned, "...What'd she want?"

"She seemed to be doin' alright." I bit my bottom lip, "She was jus wonderin' how I was feelin', I guess."

"Oh." John paused before wrapping his arms around my waist, "I mean... Everythin's okay though, yeah?"

My voice shook as I spoke, almost cracking, "I- I guess."

"Good." John placed a kiss on my cheek, he let out a little sigh afterwards.

"Y'know, Paul... I won't lie to ye. I was... always a bit shocked. After... ye went and made that American bird yer wife."

I shot a look up at the man immediately, "Excuse me? Now, what's that supposed to mean?!"