I'm Looking Through You // Mclennon

wishful

"...Are ye kiddin' me? Yer comin' early? Wi' no notice at all?!" John worriedly asked whoever he was talking to on the phone. "It hasn't even been a week, and I've got-"

I peered curiously into the living room as the man was sat with his legs crossed on the couch. The phone cord barely reached to where he was sitting and sweat was visibly beading across his forehead. We made quick eye contact and John seemed reluctant to continue the phone call after that.

"...Alright... Jesus, jus ring me back, later... Goodbye." John slammed down the phone and rubbed his face, as if he could wipe away the worry off of his mug.

My eyebrows furrowed and I nodded my head towards the telephone, "Who was that, love?"

John looked up at me and then back at the telephone, "Oh? No one, jus the bloody baker down the road." He rustled a newspaper infront of him and his eyes began to scan the pages. "...For Sean's birthday, ye know."

"...Alright." I decided not to ask anymore questions. I made my way over to the loveseat John was laying on and plopped next to him, kissing up his neck, causing the man to giggle.

So cute.

Watching him smile ear to ear and seeing his cheeks turn bright red...

Makes me feel...

Warm.

At home.

At home, even if I'm technically 6,000 miles away from "home."

I layed across John's chest as he played with my messy, black hair. His fingers entangled themselves within my locks, sending chills down my spine.

Things have been so much better here, I think. I feel at ease, for once. Sure, I've got some restless thoughts in the back of my mind, but it's just so easy to forget about those things when I'm around John. Things feel so simple again. Simple just as things were back then.
Before... everything else happened. Before everything got so complicated.

We don't need to think about that now, though. Why should we? The past is the past. All I know is that I want to spend my future with... him.

God, I sound obsessed with this man.

Maybe I am.

I'm still John's #1 Fan. Even after all the shit he's said about me. Even after all the shit I've said about him...

John stared at me as I thought to myself. His face radiated a special glow; like warmth.

Back when John and I first reunited not too long ago, it seemed as if he had changed so much, but... I don't think so.
I think he just surpressed his past as a way of coping, maybe.
Now that I'm here, in his arms, he's the ol' Johnny Boy I always knew and loved. I know it. Nothing's gonna take him away from me again, either. Not even Yoko. I won't let it.
He isn't getting away that easily.

"Paul?" John called out to me.

I shook myself back into reality, "Yeah?"

"Watcha thinkin' abou'?" He asked me.

"...The two of us." I admitted. I'm not one to lie.

John's eyes lit up, "...Good thoughts?"

"Yeah... Definitely good thoughts."

John's eyes seemed to soften even more somehow, "Good..." He took a drag from his cigarette.

The morning sunlight coated the room in an amber glow. Since John's hair is a light brown, his hair appeared to be red, like fire. His eyes also reflected the sun in such an intoxicating way, I felt like I just could melt staring into them.
He's like, uh, Medusa, but... in a good way.

Eh... Lousy analogy.

Even though the days counting up to the American tour are growing closer, I don't mind. I feel like my worries disappear completely when he holds me. I trust him far too much to be anxious. I only feel hopeful. That may seem strange.

We sat on the same loveseat and stared blindly at the tiny television on the stand infront of us. The screen had a fuzzy image upon it and it was hard to make out. John was grinding his teeth next to me as we layed there together.

  "What's wrong, Johnny?" I spoke up finally.

"Eh, Nothin' jus stressed, is all." He replied softly into my ear, stroking my arm.

"What abou'?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly due to the anxiety.

"...The two of us." He replied with the same answer I gave not too long ago.

I rolled my eyes, holding his hand, "...Good thoughts?"

It took him a bit longer to reply. Infact, his response was only lifting my head up with his hand and planting a soft kiss on my lips. My face heated up and I'm not quite sure if it's from the passion I feel in the pit of my stomach, or the nervous thoughts pounding the back of my skull.

Once we pulled away, my eyes stared down at John's hand, which was now stroking my cheek.

"Ye know ye can tell me anythin', right?"

John nodded and pulled his hand away, "I know, Macca... I know. ...And thank ye for that. Really."

He then took in a deep breath before standing up and heading into the kitchen for a cup of tea. He offered me a mug, but I declined. If I drink another drop of that stuff, I think I'll drown in it.

Though these gestures were nice, my mind was still very worried. Still thinking about the way that John's acting towards me. Almost as if he's afraid. Naturally, I followed the boy into the other room. He dangled the bag of leaves in the hot water for a few minutes, just staring at the steaming liquid, sloshing it around. He licked his bottom lip before his eyes flickered up to my gaze.