Ambivalent

1

Taehyung's POV

A warm pair of hands pulled me closer to their warm chest. I smiled as he yawned and rubbed my stomach. I could felt his warm breath on my neck as he leaned to press a kiss there. 

I looked around the room and found it illuminated by the sunlight that was able to seep in through the curtains. I let my sleepy eyes close for a little longer before I had to get up to go to work.

I was sleeping on my side while being hugged from behind. The room was cold, which was perfect for him, but it sent shivers down my body. Thankfully he still managed to keep me warm with his hold around me.

My alarm started to ring and I groaned and patted the bed with half closed eyes to find my phone and turn it off. 

He took a sharp breath as he fully woke up from the noise. I looked over at him. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were a bit closed from his sleep but he still looked so good.

"Morning," I said cutely with a smile.

He smiled slowly. "Morning beautiful."

"Today's my first day," I said, trying to contain the excitement building up in my chest.

"I know sweetness. I'm so proud of you," he said as he pulled me close to him again. "You're gonna do great."

"I'm a little nervous though," I said.

"Don't be. You'll do amazing. I know it."

He pressed a sweet kiss on my forehead. I looked up at him and smiled. My hand reached out to caress his cheek. We looked at each other for a while before I turned around.

"I should go shower," I said.

I was halfway up when he reached around my waist and pulled me back done.

"Stay with me a little longer," he whined.

I giggled and got close to him again. "Okay. Five more minutes."

 He grinned at me. "That sounds perfect."

I let him hug me against his chest until my other alarm rung. 

"Time to get up or I'll be late," I said as I pulled myself away reluctantly and got up to get some clothes.

"Tae, you have plenty of time, don't worry. Come back to bed with me." he called out with a small pout.

I smiled at him. "You're cute, but I'm still gotta go shower Kookie."

He smiled back at the nickname. After all this time, it still got to him.

"Fine, go on my little teacher. Get ready for your first day."

I grinned at his words and walked over to shower.

I removed my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked radiant. Practically glowing as I smiled, unable to contain my excitement. After years of struggling through college, I had finally done it. Got my degree and now my first job as a teacher.

I looked lower at my body and saw the smooth, unmarked skin. No longer covered in bruises and cuts. Just maybe a few love bites here and there. Nothing too noticeable.

I stepped into the hot water and let it fall on my back soothingly. I washed my body and my hair in a rush. I couldn't help but feel like I needed to hurry. I didn't want to be late and make a bad first impression.

I quickly got out and dried myself quickly before moving on to brush my teeth. 

"Tae, do you want pancakes?" Jungkook called out.

I spit out the toothpaste before answering. "No, I'm good thanks."

I got the mouthwash and rinsed my mouth with it before stepping out of the restroom.

"Are you not gonna eat?" Jungkook said looking at me concerned. 

"I'm too nervous to eat," I said. "I think I'd just upset my stomach if I ate something and I'd rather not."

Jungkook nodded. "Alright, well then promise you'll eat a big lunch. And take snacks in case you get hungry."

I smiled at him. "Okay Kookie."

He walked over to me and kissed me. "I love you Tae, you know that?"

I nodded. "I know. You only tell me like every day."

"In case you forget," he said with a cute smile.

I gave him a soft kiss. "I love you too Kookie," I said as I pulled away and walked over to the closet to pick out something to wear.

I was working at a really nice private school even though I had zero experience thanks to Namjoon being friends with the headmaster. I needed to dress like I belonged there.

I put on a button up shirt with slacks and turned to look at Jungkook.

"Does this make me look too gay?" I asked, gesturing to the flowers on the shirt.

Jungkook let out a laugh. "What? Tae, you serious?"

I nodded. "Yes. I don't want to look too, I don't know..."

"Gay? What's wrong with looking gay? Whatever that means."

I sighed. "Nothing. But like what if they're homophobic or something?"

Jungkook walked up to me and put his hands on my shoulders and massaged them gently. "Relax baby. You're overthinking all of this."

I started unbuttoning the shirt to take it off. "Maybe I can wear that shirt some other day." 

Jungkook let go of me and walked over and picked out a nice blue button up. "This one Tae. You always look nice in this one."

I took the shirt from him and put it on. 

"Told you Tae. It looks great," Jungkook said with a happy smile.

I smiled back. "You're right. I like it."

I fixed up my hair and put on some shoes in a hurry. I finished getting all of my things and then turned to look at Jungkook with a sigh.

"Okay, I think I'm ready."

Jungkook walked up to me and pulled me closer to him by my waist. "Today is going to be a good day," he said as he looked at me with his sparkling eyes and his little smile that made me feel at ease. "I know you've been waiting for this moment for a long time and it's finally here. I'm so proud of you Tae. You did it, just like I knew you always would."

I felt my heart melt at his words. "Thanks for always believing in me Kookie."

His smile widened and he leaned down to kiss me gently. His lips felt warm against my own and his grip on my waist tightened as he slowly licked my bottom lip. I raised my arms up to wrap them around his neck and let him deepen the kiss. My tongue met his and I let out a soft moan as his kiss grew more passionate.

I let it continue for a few minutes before I pulled away. "I should get going Kookie."

He sighed but he was smiling at me. "Okay. Have a good first day."

"Thank you," I said as I waved goodbye and smiled at him.

I left the apartment and walked over to my car. I smiled as I drove to work. Things were better now. So much better. I was happier than ever and finally able to say that I wasn't a failure. My life was so different now than it was three years ago. 

It was a breath of fresh air that I didn't know how much I desperately needed. It was refreshing and it made me feel for the first time in my life like I actually had hope that the bad memories were all in the past.