Lovely » Zedward [Discontinued]

Chapter 21

Edward's POV

I felt like I was walking in these empty halls for the millionth time. My heels producing clicking sounds with every step I took, exploring almost every inch of the building. I've been here for so long, yet I still feel like I'm out of place.

Like this was all new to me, but in fact, it wasn't. I would never forget the rumours said about me, and the whispers and murmurs everytime I went past by other students. I could still remember the way they looked at me, with frightened eyes, and frowns on their faces. I could still remember the numerous insults thrown at me, before I even got the title of a 'bad boy'.

Their laughs and taunts still haunted me till this day. The memories of me being shoved into lockers and pushed into the janitors closet had me afraid. These years weren't meant to be cherished, or appreciated. The tears I shed, and the painful cries of help.

I still couldn't memorize the place. I would always forget where some of my classes were, although others seemed to get to theirs quite easily, I was always different from the rest.

But not in the sense of that making me special, unique, nor extraordinary or unreal. It made me sound like a freak, and less than someone that needed to be admired. The humiliation and embarassment I felt since I first came into this school were flying off of the top of my own emotions. I didn't look at these halls with joy and happiness, because they just reminded me of the horrible memories that I just wanted to erase from my mind. I was so sick of being pushed around that I just had to change. Not for the better, but maybe for the worst. I became this monster everyone was intimidated by.

This being with ugly green eyes who had hidden the feelings he really felt. I regret every single thing I have ever done in the past, but I know I could never take back what I did. It was understandable to why everyone had feared me.

Then I was left alone. Not that I already wasn't, but no one tried approaching me ever since that day. My heart had begged for someone's comfort and care, but deep inside I knew I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to be loved, or cared for.

I deserved to feel the pain and misery I'm given and deal with it, I've put this upon myself, and I shouldn't start mentally yelling at my own conscience of how I acted so stupid and idiotic. It was my fault, and I had to accept it. It wasn't going to bring back what I said, or what I did.

The damage had been already done.

These halls made me feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. I deserved the sadness and the guilt I'm feeling each and everyday of my life. I'm starting to question my own existence. I'm starting to wonder why I'm not even trying to end every sorrow and hurt. I felt so numb, but I didn't see the point in trying to remove myself from the world that I'm living in, because in the end, it would just be the same. I won't be happy.

The hallways were always empty, and I grew to take a liking of that, knowing that no one would be there to notice the way I was crumbling and breaking, crying, and sobbing for too many times. They wouldn't be there to witness how I was so weak and the opposite of everything they had ever heard. I'd rather have people running away from me, than having them pity me and seeing who I truly was. In that way, they wouldn't get hurt about every action I'd be making. I always end up hurting the people I care about the most.

And I was also afraid of the past coming back to the present where I would get called names, and get those daily beatings in the beginning of the day till the end of it. Everyone knew me as this guy who was emotionless and rude, but here I am, being a complete git and a disastrous mess. I wasn't who they thought I was.

Warm tears went down my face, and if anyone who never knew my title were to ever pass by, they would've thought I was just a boy who was struggling with too many problems in life, but that's not a lie. Partially being one since if anyone who ever recognized me were to ever see me in this state, would've been shocked and would even consider to spread the word.