"Patients, Please."

Reassure My Mind

I don't remember much about checking in. I was still in my own world. Getting up to the room it was just a single little hole in the wall with a single bed and a table in the corner and a TV mounted on the wall. I put my bag on the bed and sat there for a minute. I call dad back hoping maybe he was on his way home that I could talk to him but he doesn't answer. The last actual conversation I had with Jenna kind of showed where our friendship was sitting. I thought about trying to call dad again just to talk but since he didn't answer the first time he's probably still busy or has gone home for the night and fallen asleep.

The last person that could leave is Mark, but what about everything that just happened? That's just going to open a full can of things I don't really want to talk about right now. Maybe he'll be just like Dad and not answer, I open his contact. The empty avatar in the corner circle looks so dull. I edit his contact and add the photo he had sent me a couple of hours ago. I look at the time in the corner of the phone, it's already 12:15am, maybe he's in bed already?

I close my eyes and press the little phone, if it rings more than 3 times I'm hanging up. I can lie and tell him I accidently butt dialed him. "Hello?" his voice was deep and raspy.

"Oh," I say rather shocked that he picked up. "I didn't wake you did I?"

He groans, "No, you're fine, what's going on?"

"Umm..." I take a second to think about what to say. "You know what, never mind. I just... I'll see you Monday."

"Don't hang up!" he yells after I pulled the phone away from my ear. I quickly put it back, "Are you still there?"

I take a second, "Yes?"

"Something's wrong," he says, "What do you want to talk about?"

I lay back on the bed, "I think it can wait till Monday."

"You can talk to me about anything, remember?" he says, reassuring my mind.

I take another second, wiping the tears that are now rolling down the side of my face. "I just need someone to talk to and my dad's not answering his phone and Jenna and I no longer talk. You were the only person I can turn to but I know that there are problems with us as well."

He takes a second before responding, "Are you taking about the kiss?" I nod my head, then start wiping the tears from my face again. I realize he can't understand my head moving so I mutter a umm hum... I don't want to talk right this second. "Look, how about we just ignore that for right now. Pretend, for this conversation, that it never happened."

"Alright," I say very quiet.

"Now, tell me what's wrong." His voice is very calming.

"I'm just..." I rethink my thoughts, "I'm alone up here." I take a long pause before continuing, "Plus there's everything with you. I'm stressed about this thing coming up this weekend. I just I don't think I should have been alone tonight."

He waits, probably thinking I was going to continue. "Well, let's start with something simple. You are not alone. I am a phone call away, always. You know that right?"

"Of course I do," I say very mumbled. "It's just, we're three hours away from each other. If something were to happen or..." I take a second, "If I was followed me up here and I bump into him."

"I promise you, you are not going to bump into him," he says trying again to reassure my thoughts. "Get up tomorrow and go do something for yourself. Get your nails done or find something to wear for the event this weekend, whatever you want to do. Heck you could even go see a movie by yourself." I nod my head, "But for tonight, just make sure your door is locked every way you can and talk to me."

I shake my head, "I don't want to keep you up all night."

"I'll stay up as long as you need me too." He says. I start crying again, but not like I was before, I'm crying because my heart hurt knowing from that line alone he still cared enough to make sure I was okay. "As for the thing coming up, we can work on that together Monday after classes are over. So there's nothing to worry about there."

I can feel the dread, maybe just pretending to hang up the phone as if I had lost signal. "Then there's us," I say finally.

He takes a minute, "You already told me that I need to be patient earlier. I also am trying to prove to you that I can be open and honest with you."

"It's not about you, it's about how I feel," I say sitting up in the bed. "I mean..."

"I think we both said how we feel about each other when we were alone." He says with sincerity.

I sigh, "I know." I take a minute to think, "But there's the thing with the file."

"You don't have to tell me anything about what was in that court document," he sounds very concerned but at the same time trying to make me feel better.

"I mean you were curious enough to print them out," I say. We both stay quiet, "Besides, it's a part of me. It's the reason I'm up in a hotel room this weekend, if we are going to be together, more than what we are now, I would hope there are no secrets between us."

"I agree," he says quickly.

I take a second to think, "So with that, before we become anything like a couple again, I want you to know about what happened in my past."

He takes a long breath, "Alright then. What else is there?"

I fall back down on the bed, "I feel like I don't know much about you." I take a breath as well, "I mean I know what little you mentioned in class and I know that you have a dog."

"How about," he says interrupting my thoughts, "When we sit down to talk about the file stuff, why don't I talk about my life." I look at the ceiling, "Does that sound like a deal?"

"Yeah," I say trying not to sound eager with my response.

"How about this, the Wednesday after we come back from the conference, why don't you and I have a day to sit and talk, it can be at my place." I sit back up again. "And get to know each other, all over again."

"Like a pre-date?" I say kind of confused.

I hear him trying to hide the muffled laugh, "Sure, if that's what you want to call it."

"I think I can do that," I say shyly. "Thank you Mark," I dry the rest of the tears on my face.

"Of course," he says quietly. "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah," I say quietly again. I grab on of the pillows from the top bed and bring it down to my head. "Thank you."

"Why do you keep saying thank you? I did nothing here, except have a conversation with you." He says sounding very confused.

I take a second, "I just want you to know how much I appreciate you." We both stay quiet for longer than we have in this entire conversation. "Mark..." I hear him, he doesn't say anything, just says hum.... "I..." "Do you still..."

"Yes..." he says very quietly. "Of course I still do."

"I do too."