Grindeldore Oneshots

Gay or European?

A/N: Fanfic also on my Quotev here - https://www.quotev.com/Bellatrix394/journal/5706850/Gay-Or-European-Grindeldore-Crack-Fic

((Based off the song "There! Right There!" from Legally Blonde: The Musical.))

Nagini sat by Newt, Jacob, Queenie, Credence, and Tina.
The six sat at Gellert Grindelwald's trial. He had been caught during battle. Though clearly guilty, they were still allowing a trial.
Everyone seemed focused on the matter at hand, but not Nagini. She was focused on something else.
She poked Credence to get his attention before pointing at Grindelwald and speaking, "There! Right there! Look at that tanned, well tended skin. Look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh, please, he's gay! Totally gay!"
Jacob glanced at Nagini as he over heard the statement and responded, "I'm not about to celebrate. Every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate. That guy's not gay - I say not gay!"
All six began to speak as they thought about the situation, "That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically, radically fae?"
Credence spoke up after analyzing the man on trail, "But look at his coiffed and crispy locks."
Nagini immediately responded, "Look at his silk translucent socks!"
Jacob objected once again with, "There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing!"
"What are we seeing?" Queenie asked.
"Is he gay...?" Jacob started.
"Of course he's gay!" Nagini interrupted.
"Or European?" Jacob concluded, shooting a look at Nagini.
They all exchanged looks of understanding as they spoke in unison, "Ohh... Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European?"
"Well, hey, don't look at me!" Newt said, understanding animals more than humans.
Queenie looked deep in thought as she started to speak, "You see they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports-"
"In shiny shirts and tiny shorts," everyone said in sudden realization. "Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks! They both say things like 'Ciao, Bella' while they kiss you on both checks!"
"Oh please!" Nagini said, firm on her 'Gellert is Gay' theory.
"Gay or European?" the bunch questioned again. "So many shades of grey..."
"Depending on the time of day the French go either way," Newt said, remembering all he had seen in Paris.
The group asked together, "Is he gay or European, or-?"
"There! Right there!" Tina interjected, "Look at that condescending smirk! Seen it on every guy at work! That is metro, hetero jerk! That guy's not gay, I say no way!"
The group once again came together to speak, "That is the elephant in the room! Well, is it relevant to presume that a hottie in that costume..."
"Is automatically, radically," Queenie started.
"Ironically, chronically," Jacob continued.
"Certainly, flirtingly," Tina chimed in.
"Genetically, medically," Newt finished before they came together once more.
"Gay! Officially gay! Swishily gay, gay, gay, gay..." Grindelwald winked at a woman. "Damn it! Gay or European?"
"So stylish and relaxed," Jacob observed.
"Is he gay or European?" they all questioned.
"I think his chest is waxed-" Jacob pointed out.
"But they bring their boys up different there," Queenie began, "It's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse-"
"If he wears a kilt or bares a purse," they all realized. "Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code!"
"Yeah. His accent is hypnotic!" Leta chimed in from behind them. "But, his shoes are pointy toed!"
"Huh," they acknowledged in unison. "Gay or European? So many shades of grey!"
"But, if he turns out straight, I'm free at eight on Saturday!" Vinda Rosier said from across the room.
"Is he gay or European?" they all wondered aloud, "Gay or European? Gay or Euro-"
"Wait a minute!" Credence interrupted, "Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try."
"The floor is yours," Jacob said, stepping aside so Credence could walk over to Grindelwald.
"So, Mr Grindelwald," Credence said, looking him in the eyes, "This alleged affair with Vinda Rosier has been going on for...?"
"Two years," Gellert responded simply.
"And your first name again is?" he asked.
"Gellert."
"And your boyfriend's name is...?"
"Albus-" Grindelwald froze as he realized what he had just said. "I-I sorry! You say 'boyfriend'! I thought you said 'best friend'! Albus is my best friend!"
"You bastard!" Albus said, shooting up from his seat in the room and walking up to Grindelwald. "You lying bastard! That's it! I no cover for you no more! Peoples, I have a big announcement!" Albus turned to the courtyard and proclamined, "This man is gay AND European!"
"Woah!" the court mused.
"And neither is disgrace!" Albus continued, turning back to Gellert. "You gotta stop your bein' a completely closet case!"
Albus pointed to Vinda as he said his next point, "It's me, not her he's seein'! No matter what he say, I swear he never, ever, ever swing the other way!" He turned back to Grindelwald before continuing, "You are so gay! You big parfait! You flaming one man cabaret!"
"I'm straight!" Grindelwald objected.
"You were not yesterday!" Albus said, shooting Grindelwald a wink. "So, if I may. I'm proud to say. He's gay!"
"And European!" everyone said.
"He's gay!"
"And European!"
"He's gay!"
"And European! And gay!"
"Fine, okay, I'm gay!" Grindelwald announced.
"Hooray!" everyone announced as Grindelwald and Albus kissed, showing how gay they were.
No one was quite sure what this had to do with the actual court case, but it was a good, gay time.