Drew Barrymore

Tennesee Fairy Tail Pt.2

The trip to Tennessee isn't what I'll remember, but the conversations we had while I was staying at my cabin. My family had rented a cabin for about a week way up in the mountains for all of us to stay in. It would be my immediate family, my grandparents from my moms side, and my aunts and uncles from my moms side as well. That cabin was one of those places where the view was breathtaking. If you went to the top of the cabin, you could have a eagles view of the Rocky Mountains and how mesmerizing the clouds look while they kiss the mountains. I thought this vacation was supposed to make me happy and make new memories with my family and it did, but not in the way I expected it.

One of the immediate things I remember about this vacation was how you threatened to break up with me. We had been texting dry for the first couple of days I had gotten there and I was worried. When we would usually text, it would be filled with sarcasm, emojis, and texts that were filled with compliments or inside jokes. You and I had endless inside jokes between us. I loved that about her, she was always a really funny girl with an outgoing personality. When I had asked why she was being distant and dry, she sent me this blacked out picture with lots of texts on it (above). In a nutshell, she wanted to end things with me because of family. She told me 'I feel like I'm too much of a problem', when she really was never one. Her family 'fucked up my brain' and that 'I'm letting you go'. She said that she 'won't be giving you all the love and attention you need'.

'I know that I promised not to leave but it will be for the best. I'm so sorry Jacob', is what really hurt.

Seeing those words appear on my phone instantly crushed me. It's that type of feeling when you open a present thinking that it's what you wanted but instead it's something completely useless, that's how I felt in the moment. The picture ended with her explaining and apologizing for what was going to happen and just like that, my heart was filled with heartbreak. My seemingly normal and exciting vacation turned into sadness and pain in the blink of an eye. I remember receiving the text on the couch in the downstairs living room and just wanting to cry. I went through the rest of the day putting on a fake smile along with a fake sense of happiness as well. My family did not need to know how I felt inside, especially since my aunts and uncles had no clue of her. You really hurt me when you sent that, I thought I lost you..forever.

I posted a picture on my Snapchat story that read:"'Hate' is a strong word, but 'love" is an even stronger word". It wasn't long before you messaged me about the picture while I was sitting outside on the porch staring at the sky listening to X. You changed your mind about ending things and wanted to know if I still wanted to make things work.

I loved you, oh but you never just could grasp that could you? Every argument before this was painful but this one had me hurting. I know you aren't perfect but I needed you to listen to me when I told you that in MY eyes you WERE PERFECT. I meant it, I really did. Hell, we even talked about marriage like who does that, people who love one another do..

I ended up forgiving you like always because we told one another that we'd always forgive one another no matter what.

Would you forgive me for what I didn't do in the end?

Would I forgive you for what you did to me?

If you did forgive me, I wouldn't be writing this book right now..