What's In My Head

Stuck In Thought

Who am I??

Hi! My name is Christian James
I am a transgender (ftm) boy
My gender expression is genderqueer
I am an average libra
I like a lot of things but I hate more
I love conspiracies
I am an atheist
I'm a bit not all there mentally
Love is a concept to me and I think I don't deserve it
I write books
I love being and making people happy
I love astrology and mythology
I have many dreams for my future
I want to one day win at something
The one wish I have had since childhood is to be a real boy

I am nobody!!

I don't exist
I hate everything as long as I will live
I want nothing more than to die
I'm was born a girl but am a boy isn't that enough reason to want to die
I fetishise death, suicide, self harm and trans women
I'm an outcast
I am forced to not believe in anything
I'm an unlovable piece of shit person
Unwanted, Disliked, Psychotic, Beaten, Used
I am nobody but I'll be who you want me to be
I'm very obsessive and compulsive
I get lost in my head often
Life is a game to me
The more I lose the more satisfied I am

Who truly am I??

Am I who everyone tells me I am??
Am I me??
Am I you??
Who are you??
I don't know you
You never existed so I can't be you
It makes no sense
Who am I pretending to be??
Am I you??
No impossible
You are not real
You never were
So who do they think I am
Am I me??
Or am I you??
It's funny isn't it
When people tell me who I am
They tell me about this imaginary person I've never met
No one knows ME
Because they don't want to
They just want to believe in their delusions
The “girl”you're looking for is not here
Try somewhere else

                              Average nobody

The rambles of a mad man