His Crime

Chapter Seven

"What?" he croaks, immediately stepping away and to the other end of the bedroom. He's staring at me with his lips slightly open, as if ready to laugh at the horrible joke this is.

But he doesn't. There isn't even a note of humour in his face, or a slight smile on his pink lips.

He's worried.

It's written across his sudden pale face, written across the way he moved away and written across his speechlessness. Worry is absorbing him for once — the carelessness a second ago wiped. His walls are down, and my heart speeds up.

This is the first conversation regarding the baby since he found out. When he did find out about my secret pregnancy, he never told me if he wanted the baby, and with guilt from the encounter, I didn't have the courage to continue with the abortion. I couldn't remove the pain inside of my chest that rose every time I thought of getting rid of the baby, and with the deepest hate for myself, I decided to keep it. To keep Justin alive through our shared son.

But Justin getting out of prison made everything hard. Hard for me to get over him, over my heart, and over my secret son. Vanessa gladly adopted my son, with the promise to see him whenever I wanted, but not knowing the consequences of Justin finding out can change everything. If he wants to see his own son he never wanted, or if he never wants to hear of him again.

We're both silent, both too lost in our thoughts and both too scared to say anything. Justin had to find out eventually, due to me already planning so. Finding this way isn't the way I planned; I wanted him to ask in his own time, to be ready for the whole new world regarding his child.

I needed him to want to know what happened with his child, because I didn't want to ruin his peace with everything. His peace with being free in the world, his peace with restarting his insane career. Him finding out about his child can corrupt everything if he didn't want to know.

And I see this. His mind is going delirious with the idea of his very own son, as he's running wild with thoughts. Even though he mentioned his child with our first encounter, I don't think he realised it to be a real thing — just a fragment of an imaginary character he created to hide the truth.

He didn't want to humanise the baby.

Doing this, he created a vision without the thought of the baby, a universe where my pregnancy isn't real. Just a moment in time.

Crushing his peace, I woke him. The dawn of his real and alive son being so close to him scares him now. His destroyed walls that he hides behind gives me the insight of the truth. It shows the real him: a worried father.

Even if he doesn't want to label himself this, he is the father of his son. He has the responsibility to own this fact and to face the truth. Because I am Justin Junior's mother, and he is his father.

"What did you say?" Justin finally says, meeting my gaze.

"Your son is at Vanessa's," I repeat. Disbelief fills him, pouring unspeakable emotions through him and making his eyes swim with water.

"Son?" he questions, blinking away the emotions and tears in his red eyes. I nod slowly, wanting him to salvage the moment, to accept the truth finally. "How old is he?" he stutters as he balances himself against the wall.

"Nearly a year old." He inhales loudly, breathing in the new information and dissolving it.

"Why did it take a whole day to tell me?" he questions.

"I couldn't even process you actually being here, Justin, let alone for me to tell you something as massive as this. And I haven't seen you today until now," I explain.