His Crime

Chapter Thirteen

Somber and starless, the dark sky is clear of white clouds. Staring at the moon as the surroundings past in a blur, it contrasts with the eerie sky. It brings hope and shimmers with natural glow, radiating it's power onto the world it revolves around.

Leaning my head onto the car door for support, I let the world swim from my view and focus onto the moon. I see the fast whirlwind of the ground and buildings past by, but my eyes don't shift from the moon.

Through everything, the moon remains. I keep reminding myself that there are bigger things than our existence, but I can't remove the guilt that dances in my head.

I've done a horrible mistake, and it pains my heart to think about. Trying to direct my thoughts back to the moon, the trees cover it as Anna and I drive through the forest grounds that lead to one place, pushing me away from my hopes and wishes and reminding me that even though I can't escape it, I can forgive myself.

I made a mistake, realised and fixed it. I didn't think of the consequences, but at least I note what I've done to try better myself. I didn't disregard it. And all I can do now is forgive myself, to accept the reality and take responsibility. I can't change what I've done now, but with all my power, I wish Justin notices the desperation in my heart.

Slowing to a stop, Anna switches off the car with the park on. Watching me, she asks, "You've been quiet, and so has Erick. Is there anything going on?"

"No," I lie quickly. Anna is a beautiful woman and soul, and I can't burden her further. She deserves to know, but now isn't the time — I can't watch her shift from wonder to worry. I can't watch Justin shift from love to hate. I can't dare to hear myself speak the words aloud, not to Anna nor Justin. But one thing I've learned through this experience: I have control over my life.

Years and years, this thought never crossed my mind, let alone make a mark on my heart. With my father controlling my moods and controlling where I worked, I couldn't grasp my life. With Justin, I am irrevocably in love with him and blindingly follow him. When he went to prison, out of control of anyone, I didn't have anyone to follow — not because I had to, but I couldn't. I never had my own voice, but with being shunned out of my comfort area, I had to. This is where I learned.

Every choice from then on taught me this. I had full control, the little voice in my head deciding things that I've wanted for a while. My six year old self, to my twenty year old self. I am free, and I learned it the hard way. Even with restrictions, I am in charge of my own life now.

It took awhile, but I am beginning to fully understand this: no one controls my life anymore. Years of my father controlling my life has started to fade away from my wrists and ankles.

Bidding goodbye to Anna, she reverses the car with a stern look, then drives away. Driving away from the troubles that are going to occur, for once. She is free, without knowing. She has control, but denies it from the fear of the unknown, so she lets other people make the choices for her. If only she knows how powerful she is, to rid the poison from her life and start anew.

But the darkness in the warehouse removes my last thoughts of positivity for Anna. Alarming and daunting, the white metallic doors that reveals the insides of the warehouse are wide open. No artificial lighting reaches me, the only source guiding my loud footsteps is the moonlight.

Breathing in the final gush of wind that pushes past me, I pass the threshold of the entrance. Immediate warmth crawls on my skin, welcoming me as I hear chatter from the news playing on the TV.

Shuffling closer, I walk towards the couch that's placed in the centre of the wide place. In front, colours whizz along the television with images that don't apprehend in my mind, my focus duly on Justin's whereabouts.