Not Yet

My poor son

I can't help but let the thoughts that fly by my mind sink in. 

I know I'm a bad mother for doing this to my son but what else am I supposed to do? 

I've heard the stories of people marked at a young age staying together for their whole lives. Its terrifying.

They become so absorbed with in their own world that they ignore the rest of it. I've heard of couples walking into traffic without realizing it, or jumping off bridges because they think they'll become one in the next life. Or becoming so absorbed in each other and believing the same person. 

Soul mates disorder, a worst nightmare for parents across the globe. When mates are marked and together for such a long time they develop a variety of mentalities and disorders until they can no longer function in this world. 

But I won't let that happen to my Katsuki and I know that Inko won't let it happen to Izu-kun, especially after what happened between her and Hisashi. 

So I had to separate them or else biology would have taken over and Katsuki would have received a bite as well. I know he's mad and upset and sad but I can't bring myself to enter his room and comfort him. I'm just the worst mother. I know I could have taught him better or payed more attention to Katsuki and how much he cared for Izuku, or something, I could have done something.

I know he'll be sad but he's a strong boy, I like to think he got that from me. 

I'm in the kitchen before I know it and start to pull out ingredients. I always did cook when I was anxious. I look for onions, no way was I crying because of this guilt crushing my soul, it was all because of these god DAMN onions.

I slammed the cupboard closed before catching it at the last second. I don't need a repeat of last week. I turned the surround speakers on and turn the volume all the way up. I can't stand to hear Katsuki in such pain. Don't judge me I don't know what to do when my child is in pain. Hell I don't even know what to do when I'm in pain. 

And so I stand in the kitchen cutting at the those stupid onions while listening to songs on full blast to try and drown out the pain I've caused my son. Letting the bass of the music drown all the thoughts threatening to drown me.