so help me (mashton)

entry one

uh, hey.

so i decided to buy a diary. it seemed like a good idea at the time.

i don't know what i was thinking.

i was just... overwhelmed. and that made me think "hey, i should buy this! michael has one, so it's surely a good idea!"

because apparently what michael says is fucking gospel.

anyway, i don't like wasting stuff so i guess i'll use this. and i mean, there's no harm in testing it out, right? if writing about everything doesn't help, then i can just bin it and try something else.

okay, you probably have no idea what i'm talking about, so i'll get into it in a bit, but for now i should probably introduce myself. i'm ashton irwin. and i really, really hope this stupid diary thing works.

works with what? i hear you ask.

well, it's complicated. but i'll make it quick.

i'm in a band. it's called 5 seconds of summer, and i'm the drummer. we've been together since late 2011, and we kind of got big in 2014, but we got even bigger this year when youngblood came out.

there's three other people in our band. there's luke hemmings, the guitarist and lead singer; calum hood, the bassist and vocalist; and michael clifford, the lead guitarist and vocalist.

michael's kind of an important character in my life story. sure, luke and calum are too, but michael is... something else. which is exactly my issue.

around a week ago, i overheard him having a conversation with calum about how he's desperately in love with me. i asked him about it, and he told me everything.

at first, i was cool with it. so what if he likes me? people are allowed to have feelings. it's whatever. but then i started having feelings.

so, that's my problem. my bandmate and best friend is in love with me, and i just might be in love with him back.

but that's a good thing! you know he loves you, so it's fine! i hear you say.

that would be the case if i was gay, but i'm not. i'm straight. or at least, i thought i was.

so, if michael is right about the whole 'writing in a diary helps you with your problems' shit, then you'll be able to help me, right?

at this point i'm willing to try anything, and if this doesn't work, then so help me, i'm screwed.