SILLAGE 𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘴

dix-huit

"Are you out of your conscience, Lalisa?!" Your mother screamed at you in her mother language, I could understand her as it was my second language thanks to my own mum. "You can't keep doing this yourself! Look at you!"

She came in tumbling through our door over 30 minutes ago, you weren't here when she did so. I remember the look of disgust on her face when she walked into our apartment and the first thing she did was pick up your phone that was still broken on the floor.

"You need to snap out of it, child." She shakes you as you stare into her eyes that narrowed with anger, compared to yours that were wide with fear. "You were fired from job thanks to you lacking, and what are you doing? Not sleeping at all? How can you be so stupid, Lalisa?!"

Your mother was always a harsh person, I couldn't handle you living with her, and so when I was finally of age to buy my own property, I asked you to come with me. I remember how the woman disapproved of our relationship, but I was upfront with her, I had not cared whether she approved or not. I didn't need permission from such a monster of a parent.

And she made it clear she had not liked me in return.

"... It's because of that boy, isn't it?" Your mother leg of you as she scoffed. "You're looking like shit — all depressed, because of some scrawny little boy!"

"Scrawny little boy?!" You finally snapped, tears running out of your eyes and I wish I could do something to kick the woman out of our home. "He was the love of my life!"

"I cannot believe you've reached so low, it's all his fault." It seemed your mother started to talk to herself. "You have achieved so many things — he is just some boy who couldn't even pay the bills — let alone pay for his own health!"

"Shut up!" You scream. "You have no right to speak like this about Yukhei, you have no idea what I've gone through! You come into my house, to speak to me like this? You're only making me feel worse! That's why you're such a horrible mother — "

I flinched, my skin crawling with anger when I see your mother's eyes snap back to you, her hand coming up and cutting through the air and slapping your face. Almost instantly, red starts to cover your left cheek as half of your hair covered your terrified and shocked features messily.

The sound of it echoes through the living room, the atmosphere becomes thicker and thicker with tension, and I found myself glaring at the elder woman who had such an expression of disappointment that I wish I could've slapped off her face.

She grumbles beneath her breath, "don't you dare, speak like with that tone to your mother, Lalisa," her hand goes back to her side. "look at you. Look at what this boy has done to you even if he's gone. Hurting you until the end, what's what he's always been doing."

I could hear your quiet sniffs even as you tried so hard to hold them in, your head facing down and your fists clenching, it looked as if you lost all courage to stand up to your mother.

"... He never, ever, hurt me." You cried silently, tears sliding from your chin to the ground. "All he's done is make me happy, he used to be my everything, mum, he would give me the world if I asked for it and I knew." You fall down to yours knees and I then fall down right you.

"When Yukhei was gone, he took everything with him; my happiness, my light, my life." You cover your face and I find myself guilty of everything. "He was medicine, mum, please don't speak of him that way, I am nothing without him — "

You let out a sharp cry when I see her raising your head forcibly by gripping your hair, I look up at her, astonished and even if I shouted at her to stop, of course she wouldn't listen.

Her cold expression said it all, "you've gone mad, Lalisa, you were a fool to fall in love with such a person." She sneers. "I expect you to come and meet me and Chittaphon for the dinner arrangement. I'm sure he will have you better in no time, after all, you need to be looking better by the wedding day."

My heart's stops at the same moment. Wedding?

"But I don't want to get married!" You cried while your hands come up to try and relieve of the pain that was being born out of the roots of your hair. "Not to him! Mother, please, you don't understand — "

"Don't contradict me, Lalisa. I do understand. I understand you need serious help." She kneels down after throwing your body to the side. "You need to stop this love of yours for some dead boy, he's gone, my child, gone. Now you," she stands up, "you need to move on."

That had been the last thing she says before walking out of our apartment. Leaving you like that on the ground and leaving me as shocked as ever.

I look your way to see you hugging yourself while still facing down while crying out apologies and sobbing out for help. I crawl towards you, putting my body over yours and I also find myself crying along with you.

What have I done to you, my love?