Emma: Seventh Grade

Chapter 15: Aftermath

Emma woke up at noon the next day with a bad headache and dark circles under her lifeless, blue eyes. She had arrived home at five a.m. last night, washed the dried blood off her arms, and went right to bed. Although she fell asleep right away, Emma kept waking up during the night, tossing and turning. Her mind kept replaying the things that happened last night at Hannah's party. She wished she had never gotten revenge on Hannah like she did; it was the biggest mistake of her life, and she would regret it as long as she lived.

Rolling over in bed, Emma held her head with her hands to try and relieve her headache. The fresh cuts on her arms stung with pain. The pants she had stolen from Hannah were halfway off from rolling around so much in her sleep; she could feel her bare bottom exposed under the covers. As she laid there for a while, trying to go back to sleep, Emma heard her mom talking on the phone downstairs. She couldn't make out what she was saying, but she sounded very shocked and upset. Emma just hoped she wasn't talking to Hannah's mom.

Emma soon received her answer. "Get your lazy ass out of bed, young lady!" Emma's mom yelled, bursting in the door and ripping the blankets off of her. "You're in deep trouble!"

With a sinking feeling in her chest, Emma rolled out of bed and pulled up her baggy sweats, covering her bare butt. She knew by the tone of her mom's voice that she was extremely angry with her.

"Hannah's mom called, and she told me that you completely destroyed Hannah's bedroom last night during her party," Emma's mom stated. "She was talking swear words and obscenities scribbled all over the walls, ripping up all her pictures, throwing all her clothes on the floor, ripping up her school textbooks." Grabbing Emma by the front of her shirt, she screamed, "What the hell were you thinking?! You could be sent to juvie for pulling the shit you did last night!"

"I know, I know!" Emma sobbed. "It was a stupid mistake! We got into an argument and...and..."

"I don't care what happened!" Emma's mom shouted angrily. "You don't just go around, destroying people's property like that, Emma! You are the most immature, pathetic child I've ever seen! I can't believe you!" She forcefully shoved Emma to the ground. "I'm embarrassed to call you my daughter!"

Crying, Emma painfully picked herself up. "I told you, it was a stupid mistake!" she yelled, wiping her eyes. "If I could take it back, I would!" The guilt and pain she felt about last night was rekindled with her mom's criticism. The weight on her chest got heavier with every word that came out of her mom's mouth.

"It's called, don't be dumb in the first place," her mom scoffed. "You're grounded for a month. No friends, no TV, no phone, no nothing! Got it?"

Emma hung her head in shame, with tears still running down her face. This was going to be the longest month of her life. Especially without her phone. How was she supposed to keep in touch with her friends? How was she supposed to know if Josh texted her about the tree project?

"Give me your phone," her mom commanded, holding out her open palm.

Reluctantly, Emma dug her phone out of her pocket and placed it in her mom's hand. She watched as her mom snatched it from her and stuffed it in her own pocket.

Emma's mom stared at Emma for a moment. "Is that blood on your sleeve?" Grabbing Emma's forearm, she rolled up her sleeve, exposing her self-inflicted injuries. "What the hell, Emma? Did you do this to yourself?"

Emma didn't answer. She stared at the ground, avoiding her mom's gaze.

"If you're trying to get attention, nobody's going to give it to you when you do that," her mom scolded. "That is one of the most fucked up attention-seeking trends I've ever seen. And I didn't think you were low enough to follow it. Apparently I was wrong."

"I wasn't trying to get attention!" Emma cried, pulling away from her mom and covering her cuts by rolling down her sleeve.

Her mom only rolled her eyes. "That's what they all say," she sighed.

Emma folded her arms. The last thing she wanted was people noticing her cuts. She wanted to keep them secret, not gain attention from them. She was ashamed that she had to resort to cutting herself in order to provide an outlet for her emotions and deal with her suicidal thoughts. She knew her mom wouldn't understand if she tried explaining it to her, so she didn't even attempt it.

"Plus, you will pay back Hannah's family for every cent of repairs needed because of you,'" Emma's mom added. "I don't care how much it will cost."

"But I'm not old enough for a job!" Emma protested. "How am I supposed to get the money?"

"I'll come up with something," her mom replied. "A job so tedious you'll hate every minute of it. Maybe I'll make you do yard work for all the old people in our neighborhood, or better yet, clean their toilets for them. Don't worry, I'll think of something." She turned around and started walking out of Emma's room. "Oh, and I'm having Craig take your door off its hinges," she called after her. "That way I know what you're up to at all times."

Emma sat down on her bed, covering her face with her hands in defeat. Not only did she feel demoralized with the punishment she was receiving, but it felt like her mom had poured salt in her wounded heart, making it sting with pain all over again. As tears slid down her cheeks, Emma thought more about what she had done to Hannah last night. She falsely accused her of throwing away her homemade birthday card and completely destroyed her bedroom, all because she was jealous of Hannah's new friends. What kind of friend would do that? Emma would have kicked Hannah out of her life too, if Hannah had done that to her. She completely understood why Hannah didn't want to be her friend anymore. Who would want to be friends with a selfish, jealous little brat who threw temper tantrums and destroyed things when she didn't get her way? Emma knew she deserved Hannah's wrath and her mom's punishments, every last bit of it. Even that might not be enough.

With no phone or TV to distract her, Emma's mind raced with thoughts of how horrible she was to others and how miserable she made them. She knew everyone would be better off without her, so why not just end it all right now? Emma was contemplating it very seriously. Would her mom be relieved for once if she was gone?

Emma wandered downstairs towards the bathroom. Her mom was making lunch in the kitchen and didn't notice her come down. Getting up on the bathroom counter, she opened the medicine cabinet and looked inside, trying to find something she could easily take to put herself to sleep forever. She spotted Nyquil on the top shelf and reached for it, thinking that would be the easiest way to go. As Emma grabbed the Nyquil, she knocked down several other medicine bottles, which fell to the floor creating a loud commotion.

"Emma, get out of the medicine cabinet!" Emma's mom yelled from the kitchen upon hearing the noise. "You don't need to be messing around in there!"

Emma quickly hopped down from the counter with the bottle of Nyquil in her hand. She twisted the cap off and held the bottle to her mouth, when her mom suddenly burst in the bathroom. 

"What are you drinking that for? It's not time to sleep!" Emma's mom cried. Snatching the bottle and its lid from Emma, she continued,"Just because I take away all your privileges doesn't mean you can sleep all day. Go find something else to do." She closed the bottle and put it back in the medicine cabinet.

Emma slowly walked out of the bathroom and sunk into the living room couch. She stared blankly at the wall; she couldn't believe how close she was to ending her life. What if her mom hadn't walked in on her? When her mom was out of sight, Emma curled up in a ball and started crying. She had really given herself a scare. Now she wasn't sure if she wanted to go through with killing herself. It would all be over, just like that. Maybe if things got worse, she would try it again, but for now, she would leave the idea alone.