Emma: Seventh Grade

Chapter 29: Therapy

After a short pep talk, Jody was able to convince Emma to come back to the community room and continue eating her lunch. Josie and the other kids talked to her when she arrived back at the table, making her feel welcome and explaining that Braxton was an obnoxious little brat to everyone, not just her. He had ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder, which basically meant he was always hyperactive and thrived on disobeying orders. He was a frequent flyer to the psych ward, simply because his parents couldn't handle him at home.

Emma somehow managed to finish almost half of her lunch, but she felt very nauseous afterwards. It had been a very long time since she had eaten that much at once, and her stomach wasn't used to it. She felt fat, bloated and disgusting; she wished she hadn't caved to Jody, who was persuading her to fight her anorexic tendencies and eat her food.

With a heavy heart and an uncomfortably full stomach, Emma lay down on her bed. No sooner had she lay down, however, Jody came in her room to inform her that it was time for individual therapy with Julie. Reluctantly, she followed Jody to Julie's office, which consisted of a cozy little room with a floral print couch against the wall and a glass coffee table in front of it. On the left hand side was a desk with a computer and neatly organized folders and papers around it. In the corner of the room by the couch stood a tall, potted plant with large leaves.

"Hi, Emma!" Julie greeted her as she appeared from behind. "You can take a seat anywhere you like."

Holding her scrub pants up in place, Emma carefully sat down on the couch, crossing her thin legs underneath her body.

"Welcome to your first individual therapy session," Julie continued with a welcoming smile on her face as she took a seat at her desk and logged into her computer. "How are you feeling today?"

"Crappy," Emma replied despondently, holding her aching stomach. Her lifeless blue eyes were cast downward, as if she had no will to live.

"Describe 'crappy' for me," Julie encouraged, her voice gentle and understanding.

"Well right now, my stomach hurts because I ate too much," Emma began. "Now I feel fat and ugly."

"Do you wish you hadn't eaten lunch?" Julie asked, seeming to read Emma's mind.

Emma nodded, avoiding eye contact. She felt like Julie was judging her for admitting her feelings towards eating. She expected that Julie would lash out at any moment, criticizing her for feeling this way.

"You know you are far from fat," Julie told Emma. "It's your illness that distorts your view of thinking, but that's not how you actually look. In reality you're so skinny that it's not healthy, and it wouldn't hurt to gain some weight while you're here."

The thought of gaining weight immediately caused Emma to burst into tears. All she could think about was Kendra and her pals calling her "fatso" and "Fatty Mcfatfat" in the cafeteria as she tried to eat her lunch. Even though they only did it to get on her nerves, it eventually made Emma believe that she had to lose weight in order to be liked by them and everyone else.

"Emma? What's wrong?" Julie asked, handing her a tissue. 

Emma took the tissue and dried her eyes with it. "I can't gain any weight," she sniffled. "The kids at school think I'm fat enough the way it is." Tears welled up in her eyes again.

"Tell me more about these kids," Julie encouraged gently, typing notes on her computer as Emma talked. "What else do they do to you?"

Just like with Dr. Sanchez, Emma explained who Kendra and her friends were, and how they thrived on bullying her. She told Julie that they were always coming up with ways to humiliate her and make her cry, and calling her fat was only just the beginning. Crying intermittently throughout, Emma recalled the horrible memories of her pants being pulled down, being tripped in the halls, being forced to do a whole school project by herself, her fights at school, and her clothes being cut off in the cafeteria. She also explained that every time she tried to stand up for herself, they only made things worse for her. "That's why I dread going to school every day. They basically treat me like a piece of shit, which I pretty much already am," she concluded as tears ran down her cheeks.