Emma: Seventh Grade

Chapter 46: Therapy

"Emma, why didn't you tell somebody about your feelings last night instead of acting on them?" Julie asked, with a concerned look in her eye.

Emma was sitting in Julie's office, with her thin arms crossed in front of her chest and her legs curled up under her. Her feeding tube was still taped to her nose and her IV pole was standing in front of her. Because of her episode last night with wrapping the feeding tube around her neck, Julie had decided to see her for a counseling session first thing in the morning.

"I don't know," Emma answered shamefully, looking at the ground and playing with her hair. "I guess I didn't think about it." 

"Well you need to put more thought into these things," Julie chided. "You know how dangerous wrapping something around your neck can be?"

"I'm sorry!" Emma said, starting to cry. "I know I'm a bad person and do everything wrong!" She covered her face with her hands as tears slid down her cheeks.

Gently grabbing her wrists and pulling them down from her face, Julie gazed at Emma with gentle, blue eyes. "Is that really what you think?" she asked.

Emma nodded tearfully.

"Tell me more about what you think of yourself," Julie encouraged.

"I'm fat and stupid and ugly and a loser and have no friends," Emma blurted out. "I cause trouble for everyone and can't do anything right and everyone would be better off if I was dead." She stifled a sob.

"Hm," Julie looked thoughtful for a moment. "Now I want you to think of as many good things as bad things," she said.

Emma looked shocked. "But--but that's impossible!" she cried. "There's nothing good about me at all!"

"I bet I can think of lots of good qualities about you," Julie replied. "You're sweet. You're caring. You put others before yourself."

"You don't think I'm selfish or bratty?" Emma asked, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Heavens no!" Julie exclaimed. "If anything, you're the complete opposite! And if anyone tells you otherwise, they are wrong."

"So you're saying that my mom is wrong? And all the kids at school?"

"Yes, Emma," Julie confirmed. "Unfortunately, all those people are trying to put you down. And that worries me, because I'm afraid that you'll have no one to go to when times get tough."

Emma was silent for a moment. Her heart ached, remembering the daily feelings of loneliness and despair as she was constantly bullied. The only friend she had currently was Lizzie, who was sometimes bossy and mean herself. But at least she treated Emma as a friend most of the time, right? And didn't she have anxiety and depression too? So, theoretically speaking, Lizzie should understand if Emma was having a bad day, right?

"I guess I have one friend I can talk to," Emma finally admitted as an image of Lizzie popped into her head. "But I don't know if she'll judge me for sharing my feelings."

"If she's your friend, Emma, she won't judge you," Julie reassured her. "In fact, she'll be happy that you talk to her about stuff like that. It will help your friendship grow."

Emma was rather doubtful that this strategy would work, knowing how judgmental Lizzie could be. But she told herself that she would give it a try for Julie's sake.